Job Discussion Forums

[einsenundnullen]

Hello Everyone,

There are two posts below that tie together, for me at least, in an interesting way.

There's the thread about what to do when one returns from Japan. One reply states that after a year or two, one is only beginning to get 'traction.' This is pretty clear to me, and I've only been here a bit over 6 months.

The other thread that brings up an interesting topic is "Usual for racist attitudes when foreigners know J?" Not the subject line itself, but some things mentioned about 'language leeches' and real friends.

I live in a fairly rural city. As an American, I can say that this town would be considered somewhat rural even by US standards. It's a -shi, but it should be a -cho, based I guess on the fact that it's the center of a larger municipality. Sorry, off topic...

Anyway, I work 3PM to 9PM eikaiwa hours, like many people, I'm sure. I have students up to 16 years old, and then a gap to about 45 years old or so. I can't really meet people through work (additionally, I'm the only foreign teacher at my school).

So, the question is: how have you met Japanese people who are real friends? Is it just by chance? For a while I wanted to meet Japanese to learn the language. I'm now feeling the strain of isolation here, and I also realize that I would simply be a language leech myself.

So, the relation between the two posts is that staying here for several years is an attractive idea. It's a very nice country. But, in a somewhat long period of isolation, staying becomes difficult. Humans are social beings, apparently.

No doubt real friends are as scarce here as they are anywhere. Just thought I'd drop a line to the forum and see what the consensus is.

Thanks,
Chris

[canuck]

Chris,

I would suggest doing something you like to do and seeing if there are other people that like to do the same. This could be drinking, it could be using the computer, it could be learning caligraphy...whatever. And if you study Japanese and use the opportunity to further your language skill past English, the relationship can go both ways as people that spend time together can learn together.

If you're too busy worrying if people are spending time with you just because you speak English and they want to practice, you're going to start to get ill feelings........spend time with people you feel comfortable with.

[kimo]

You need to get a life. One friend of mine in Japan had studied the language a bit, but still could only say a few basic things until he found some weekly drinking buddies who all had him by more than twenty years. None spoke English and just yakked away at him with the patience of any drunk who has lost his ears. His Japanese is excellent now and he still has his drinking buddies.

Another friend in China learned the language in pool halls where he went every day. He said he didn't care that he couldn't understand. He just endured. Not only did his pool game improve but he claims after nine months he was fairly conversant.

The point is to just go out to places where you will encounter people who will rely on you to speak Japanese. Certainly, there are at least a few little yakiniku places in your area. People will want to talk to you. Carry a little notebook and get them to write kanji with the hiragana for pronunciation. You'll be surprised how many people will help you.

[Jess_Laoshi]

I lived in China, but the "language leech" thing applies there just as much as it does in Japan, and making friends can be equally difficult.

I made some really good friends in China. One of them was a student before he was a friend. He was the most advanced student that I had in a class that was supposed to be for beginners at a 3rd rate language mill. He realized pretty quickly that the school was a rip-off and dropped out of the class, but stayed in touch because he liked me and my co-teacher individually. Now this is a friendship that, honestly, started off as a language-leech type thing. He was definitly interested in improving his English, and thought hanging out with us was helpful. He got to like us as people though, not just English speakers, and we still keep in touch to this day. I talk to him about all sorts of things, from politics, to history, to my relationship with my boyfriend. So I guess my point is, just because you have language-exchange motives for getting to know someone, that doesn't mean your friendship is doomed to stay superficial forever. You can usually tell pretty easily which local people are up for the challenge and which ones just want free tutoring.

Hanging out in places where you'll be forced to use your 2nd language is also an excellent idea. I don't know if it applies in Japan or not, but I found that going to a Chinese bar with a group of my friends and befriending a table of Chinese people was great fun. In a relaxed social setting, people are often, especially with a few drinks in them, extremely willing to just talk to you. Some of my most memorable friendships with locals were made at bars. I'm not advocating being a total drunk or anything of the sort, the point is, you gotta find out where people go to have fun, and then go there. In some ways, making friends is the same way anywhere. Be fearless and approach people, and you're bound to have some success.

[rockwolf]

I couldn't agree with kimo more.

You want to learn, you have to immerse yourself. Get into the community, find something that you enjoy, and just hang out with other people who enjoy the same thing.

If you spend your time in your apartment, or reading novels, or even surfing the internet, you aren't going to learn squat. Even if you watch Japanese TV, you might improve your listening, but when it comes to speaking, you'll be sub-par.

[Evil Giraffe]

my thoughts.....
all friendships begin somewhere and continue (if they do) based on something. why not language?
i have had friendships that started because of a mutual interest and have either continued based soley on that interest, have ended because we didn't have more in common, or have continued based on even more than that one initial interest. what's the big deal? there are all kinds of friendships. some very close, some not. neither is right or wrong.
so get out there and make some friends, if that's what you want to do. it doesn't matter if you are "using" each other in some capacity. we all "use" each other in some way no matter how you break it down.
don't mean to sound preachy, just my thoughts on the matter.