Job Discussion Forums

denise · Joined: 23 Apr 2003 Posts: 3419 Location: finally home-ish

For those of you who feel "at home" in your current environs, how long did it take you to reach that stage? Was there a crucial turning point? You can define "at home" however you choose--whether it be feeling fully integrated into the community, feeling like it is a permanent home, or just no longer feeling like a clueless outsider.

I realize that everyone's answers will be different, feelings will depend on context, personality, etc., but that's kinda what I'm hoping for: people's own anecdotes and experiences.

d

cabbagehead · Joined: 22 Sep 2003 Posts: 46 Location: Japan

In Japan, the third year. That was when we felt that we were getting to know some people well enough to really miss them if we left.

Years one and two were very tough.

As for the UK, I still don't feel at home Cool

Ben Round de Bloc · Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Posts: 1946

I've been in my present location for about 8 years and pretty much think of it as home.

When I first came here, I arrived with the intention of staying 3 to 5 months and then return to the USA. At the end of my third month here, I was offered a 6-month contract at a different (better) school. I didn't feel ready to leave at that point, so I accepted the job, thinking I'd leave after that contract ended. It ended and I was offered another 6-month contract at the same place. (I still work there.)

I can't really pinpoint a specific time or event that marked my decision that this city would be home. However, sometime near the end of my second year here, I realized that this would be a long-term location for me, that I'd probably stay indefinitely. From that time on, I've had no real desire to return to the States or look for another place to live and teach.

Granted, there's the occasional day every now and then when I think the only way I want to see this place is in my rearview mirror. Those feeling pass quickly, however.

woza17 · Joined: 25 May 2003 Posts: 602 Location: china

Immediately, I felt I am home at last. OK I am not a new age thingy. But when I told my close frinds I am going to China, they said, about time, we all think you were Chinese in your last life .
The culture is not new only the country.
Cheers carol

dmb · Joined: 12 Feb 2003 Posts: 8397

In the Gulf for my second and final year. Never felt at home and I never will

Dr.J · Joined: 09 May 2003 Posts: 304 Location: usually Japan

In general, one year for the basics/survival, and another for making friendships.

There is a gradual fitting-in process, and one day something random just makes you aware of it. So it's not so much a sudden breakthrough, but a sudden realisation.

However, I'm not sure about living where I am permanently, so there will always be a sense in which it's not my home. But then, perhaps the meaning of 'home' comes into question...

Roger · Joined: 19 Jan 2003 Posts: 9138

In year 3 of my China sojourn, my mother died, and I only learnt about it several weeks later.
Then, aged friends stopped writing - perhaps due to some tragedy in their own family (they were nearly 80).
Other friendships had died too, as is wont to happen under such circumstances; but the fact that people expire has, or can have, a major influence on your choice of abode.
I chose to stay put. Without regrets so far.

Will. · Joined: 02 May 2003 Posts: 783 Location: London Uk

It normally takes me about 3 days in a European country if have my digs arranged for me, if not, a bit longer. In a country where i have not been exposed to the culture anywhere from 3 weeks to a couple of months.

denise · Joined: 23 Apr 2003 Posts: 3419 Location: finally home-ish

Thank you all for your thoughts. I'm not sure how I define "home" either. I can't even really say where my home back home (in the States) is--family has moved on, I have to keep "borrowing" friends' addresses to keep California residency, etc. (I have a very hard time with the obligatory "Where are you from?" question. "Uh... California." "Where in California?" "???????")

I lost both of my maternal grandparents when I was in the Czech Republic. I found out very soon afterwards, but it was still sort of unreal--I guess I hadn't realized that life back home went on, whether I was there or not.

I hope it doesn't take me three years to feel at home here! I have a feeling that no matter how long I stay here or anywhere else, I will always feel like an outsider, so the most I am going for is a superficial sense of "home."

d

Gordon · Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Posts: 5309 Location: Japan

I had a pretty long holiday this summer in Canada but it didn't feel at all like home there. Home is Japan now and I feel more comfortable here in some ways than in Canada. Hard to explain, many of you understand I'm sure.

Despite the oppressive humidity, it was good to come back here and I've only been living in Japan a year.

khmerhit · Posted: Fri Sep 26, 2003 5:32 pm Post subject: lesson for the day

It probably takes at least a year to get over culture shock. That is, you wouldn't start to feel like you were "home" again until after a certain period of time elapsed, personally speaking about a year. I suspect there are psychosomatic reasons for this.. the human body changes its cells completely in seven years, meaning that we are physically not the same people we were before --literally. If you stayed away from a place you called home for more than this time, when you returned your body would have replaced itself, leaving only memory as a link to the place you called home. Furthermore, the place would have changed too, as well as the people in it obviously. So the change is double in effect, with agent and location moving in opposite directions in time and in space. Perhaps this is why culture shock in reverse can be so disorienting.

Gordon · Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Posts: 5309 Location: Japan

Khmerit said:

denise · Joined: 23 Apr 2003 Posts: 3419 Location: finally home-ish

Roger · Joined: 19 Jan 2003 Posts: 9138

I do not agree with that claim "Westerners don't change..." - people in general try to remain true to themselves no matter where in the world they are. The more realistic among them will learn to adapt, and I surmise Westerners are at least as capable of adapting as other groups may be. For a Westerner to move to different shores is usually an educated decision not likely to revolve around money but about a different lifestyle, the challenges of living with nationals from another country.

One of the more difficult choices is to accept a different climate. If you hail from a temperate zone, your body is tuned to four distinct seasons, so molving to the tropics can in the long-term impact negatively on you - mood swings, to begin with.
I have now spent almost ten years in a subtropical region. Initially, I felt the oppressive humidity was unbearable and I longed for every cool and dry winter. At least the seasons are still rather pronounced, and you do always have a different one to look forward to. Luckily, I can say that I positively abhor absolutely cold winters such as those we had where I grew up. And summers are no longer truly unbearable. I actually notice the differences between each month, and these are numerous!

shmooj · Joined: 11 Sep 2003 Posts: 1758 Location: Seoul, ROK

Yeah, I also think that saying people back in the West don't change is overstating it. What you're probably noticing Gordon is that you don't notice any changes in the time that you are there. Surely though, if you stayed longer you would notice changes.

What you are in effect doing is heading back as a tourist when you go home for leave. This being so, you will only scratch the surface, even with people you know pretty well (or thought you did).

Like you, I don't notice changes in people when I return and it can frustrate me. But I must be wrong about this. It would simply be naive and a bit egocentric for me to presume I have done all the changing.