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| I am a man, have lived or am living in Japan, have dated at least one Japanese person, and have been open to the possibility of a serious relationship with the majority of these people. |
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34% |
[ 11 ] |
| I am a man, have lived or am living in Japan, have dated at least one Japanese person, and have not been open to the possibility of a serious relationship with the majority of these people. |
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3% |
[ 1 ] |
| I am a man, intend to move to Japan, and am interested in possibly having a serious relationship with a Japanese person. |
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12% |
[ 4 ] |
| I am a man, intend to move to Japan, and am not interested in having a serious relationship with a Japanese person. |
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6% |
[ 2 ] |
| I am a woman, have lived or am living in Japan, have dated at least one Japanese person, and have been open to the possibility of a serious relationship with the majority of these people. |
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18% |
[ 6 ] |
| I am a woman, have lived or am living in Japan, have dated at least one Japanese person, and have not been open to the possibility of a serious relationship with the majority of these people. |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
| I am a woman, intend to move to Japan, and am interested in possibly having a serious relationship with a Japanese person. |
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12% |
[ 4 ] |
| I am a woman, intend to move to Japan, and am not interested in having a serious relationship with a Japanese person. |
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12% |
[ 4 ] |
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| Total Votes : 32 |
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| Author |
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alexrocks
Joined: 13 Feb 2006
Posts: 75
Location: Kyoto, Japan
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 Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 1:51 pm Post subject: What are we seeking when we date the Japanese? |
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My wife (Japanese) and I (American) have long wondered what the true natures of the relationships of all the mixed couples we see in Japan are.
What do foreigners expect and want when dating a Japanese person? To what degree are their intents/goals affected by the fact that most of them plan to return home in the near future?
My wife and I each have differing opinions on this subject, so we decided to do this poll in an effort to glean some information. We hope we are able to get a decent sampling of honest results. (Remember, it is anonymous!)
Thank you for your participation! I hope we can enjoy interpreting the results in this thread.
Note: The choices have been divided between the sexes to see if there is any significant disparity. |
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Bozo Yoroshiku
Joined: 22 Feb 2005
Posts: 139
Location: the Chocolate Side of the Force
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| Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 2:09 pm Post subject: Re: What are we seeking when we date the Japanese? |
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| alexrocks wrote: |
| What do foreigners expect and want when dating a Japanese person? To what degree are their intents/goals affected by the fact that most of them plan to return home in the near future? |
I don't plan to return home in the near future, if at all, so my intentions for dating (ultimately) involve a serious relationship leading to marriage. I don't date Korean women (now) or Japanese women (once I get to Japan) because I have the Yellow Fever, but because it's just an issue of sheer numbers.
Why limit yourself to a significantly small dating population (foreign devils) when opening it up to the locals increases one's chances exponentially of finding someone you actually like. Opening it up to the locals and learning their language increases that even further (giving one access to the non-eigo-bandit population).
--boz |
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JaredW
Joined: 24 Aug 2005
Posts: 105
Location: teaching high school in Sacramento, CA, USA
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| Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 2:55 pm Post subject: |
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*I am a man, who went to Japan, dated no Japanese girls, came back to the states and went to college, almost married a white chick but thankfully didn't, then met a Japanese girl in her MA program that I met before in Japan, hit it off, got married, have two kids, fight and make love a lot.
Am I unique? |
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kdynamic
Joined: 05 Nov 2005
Posts: 562
Location: Japan
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| Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 3:00 pm Post subject: Re: What are we seeking when we date the Japanese? |
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| alexrocks wrote: |
| My wife (Japanese) and I (American) have long wondered what the true natures of the relationships of all the mixed couples we see in Japan are. |
What a silly question. Every couple is unique. Every single one. People get together for the same reasons all over the world. Biology. Love. Children. Whatever. But everyone has their own experiences.
And I don't really see how a poll on this site will really tell you anything. The users of this site are mostly male, mostly Westerners, mostly English teachers. Not exactly a representative sample. The majority of international couples in Japan involve a Japanese man and a foriegn woman (from China, the Philippines, etc). |
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JaredW
Joined: 24 Aug 2005
Posts: 105
Location: teaching high school in Sacramento, CA, USA
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| Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 3:58 pm Post subject: Re: What are we seeking when we date the Japanese? |
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| kdynamic wrote: |
| alexrocks wrote: |
| My wife (Japanese) and I (American) have long wondered what the true natures of the relationships of all the mixed couples we see in Japan are. |
What a silly question. Every couple is unique. Every single one. People get together for the same reasons all over the world. Biology. Love. Children. Whatever. But everyone has their own experiences.
And I don't really see how a poll on this site will really tell you anything. The users of this site are mostly male, mostly Westerners, mostly English teachers. Not exactly a representative sample. The majority of international couples in Japan involve a Japanese man and a foriegn woman (from China, the Philippines, etc). |
Nice point out of the flaw of the poll. It would definitely be skewed one way or another. The OP should look at studies that have been taken about International Marriages in Japan. |
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alexrocks
Joined: 13 Feb 2006
Posts: 75
Location: Kyoto, Japan
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| Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 4:39 pm Post subject: |
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| Sorry. The emphasis is supposed to be on English-speaking foreigners, such as those who visit this site. Should have made that more explicit. I used the word "foreigner" rather than "Westerner" since not all English-speakers in Japan are from Western countries. I apologize for the confusion. |
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Like a Rolling Stone
Joined: 27 Mar 2006
Posts: 872
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| Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 4:46 pm Post subject: Re: What are we seeking when we date the Japanese? |
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| kdynamic wrote: |
| alexrocks wrote: |
| My wife (Japanese) and I (American) have long wondered what the true natures of the relationships of all the mixed couples we see in Japan are. |
What a silly question. Every couple is unique. Every single one. People get together for the same reasons all over the world. Biology. Love. Children. Whatever. But everyone has their own experiences.
And I don't really see how a poll on this site will really tell you anything. The users of this site are mostly male, mostly Westerners, mostly English teachers. Not exactly a representative sample. The majority of international couples in Japan involve a Japanese man and a foriegn woman (from China, the Philippines, etc). |
Hmmm... So kdynamic is angry about this question and its overgeneraliztions but on another thread about foreign men and Japnese girls you wrote this
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| Foriegn guys come here not understanding the dating scene and finesse their way into dating the more shy inaccesable girls, so of course get nabbed by aggressive getting on in years women. Sure there are exceptions, but you'll also notice most white guys in Japan date women older than they are. Not a coincidence. Those are the ones that are left over. |
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luckbox
Joined: 18 Mar 2006
Posts: 180
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| Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 1:27 am Post subject: Re: What are we seeking when we date the Japanese? |
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| kdynamic wrote: |
| Every couple is unique. Every single one. People get together for the same reasons all over the world. Biology. Love. Children. Whatever. But everyone has their own experiences. |
Kdynamic, I was just reading Alex's other poll, and having a bit of a hard time reconciling comments you made there, with the above. On the one hand, you suggest the uniqueness of couples, that each case is different, and so on....
But in the other thread on a related topic you suggest all sorts of stereotypes and generalizations:
| kdynamic wrote: |
| Foriegn guys come here not understanding the dating scene and finesse their way into dating the more shy inaccesable girls, so of course get nabbed by aggressive getting on in years women. Sure there are exceptions, but you'll also notice most white guys in Japan date women older than they are. Not a coincidence. |
I think alot of this stuff makes for fun, entertaining conjecture, but when people move beyond subjective observation to broad generalizations like this, it makes me wonder a bit. |
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kdynamic
Joined: 05 Nov 2005
Posts: 562
Location: Japan
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| Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 3:08 am Post subject: |
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This discussion was in reference to why foriegn guys tend to date women that Japanese guys wouldnt find desirable. Due to physical appearance, age, personality, or just being a little bit 'different' these women aren't usually the ideal type by Japanese standards. However, that doesn't mean they are undesirable by a different set of standards (which foriegn guys have), or made desireable by exigent cirsumstances (which foriegn guys are in). My statments were a little harsh, and they were generalizations, sure, and I DID clearly state that there are certainly exceptions, but I maintain these statements are very often true. Foriegn guys tend to date older Japanese women who haven't found a Japanese guy and gotten married already.
I don't see how that contradicts my saying that each relationship is unique. Even if those generalizations hold true often times, it doesnt mean the people involved in the relationships aren't unique individuals, and that trying to figure out "the true natures of the relationships of all the mixed couples" in Japan by one skewed poll is pretty limited. |
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luckbox
Joined: 18 Mar 2006
Posts: 180
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| Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 3:52 am Post subject: |
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| kdynamic wrote: |
| This discussion was in reference to why foriegn guys tend to date women that Japanese guys wouldnt find desirable. Due to physical appearance, age, personality, or just being a little bit 'different' these women aren't usually the ideal type by Japanese standards. However, that doesn't mean they are undesirable by a different set of standards (which foriegn guys have), or made desireable by exigent cirsumstances (which foriegn guys are in). |
You didn't really say this in your original remark. Rather, you claimed to know what foreign guys do/don't understand about the dating scene in Japan, then you claimed that foreign guys tend to date older J-gals, and you nailed it home by concluding that none of this was a coincidence. You also suggested that many of these foreign guys will date the first English speaking J-gal they meet, even right off the plane.
| kdynamic wrote: |
| My statments were a little harsh, and they were generalizations, sure, and I DID clearly state that there are certainly exceptions, but I maintain these statements are very often true. |
You can maintain anything you like, but whether that translates into fact or truth is quite a different matter. I think the problem I have are not so much with your comments themselves, but with the way you state them, as some sort of authority on the foreigner-Japanese dating scene, and pretending to have insight into what foreign guys are thinking as they enter the country.
One thing I have observed (and I'm not stating this as a fact or truth, only my perception based on my experience here, especially within the ex-pat community), is that foreign women date Japanese far less frequently than foreign men dating Japanese. And foreign women always seem to be complaining about how hard it is for them to date in Japan. Buried in all the talk about the dating scene, and how sexist Japanese culture is, and how easy foreign guys have it seems to be a core of resentment and sexual frustration. Maybe it's justified. Maybe not. But I do get a bit tired of hearing gaijin women sweep all foreign men with the same brush. |
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kdynamic
Joined: 05 Nov 2005
Posts: 562
Location: Japan
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| Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 4:58 am Post subject: |
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Whatever dude. I am just stating what I have observed in countless whiteguy/japanese girl relationships, even among white guys I like and respect and Japanese girls I like and respect. As far as my experience goes, these generalities hold true. Everyone here can only speak from their experience and is only an authority as far as that experience goes. But I have seen enough examples to draw a few conclusions.
| Quote: |
| One thing I have observed (and I'm not stating this as a fact or truth, only my perception based on my experience here, especially within the ex-pat community), is that foreign women date Japanese far less frequently than foreign men dating Japanese. And foreign women always seem to be complaining about how hard it is for them to date in Japan. |
Well I am an exception to this, having dated several Japanese guys, but I will not argue with you that what you say is a stereotype based in truth. Just because youre making generalizations that aren't nice to everyone doesn't mean I am going to get all up in arms like you did about my generalities, which are also based in truth. As I said, there are always exceptions. I think most whiny self pitying white girls in Japan should just shut up and get a date already. It's not like it's hard to do here.
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| Maybe it's justified. Maybe not. But I do get a bit tired of hearing gaijin women sweep all foreign men with the same brush. |
Hey, I am the one who was just arguing that every individual and every relationship is different. But it's a fact that foriegn guys end up with older women and oddball women and less than attractive women by Japanese standards. There ARE generalities that apply in many if not most cases. Go ahead and do a poll of white guys with Japanese girlfriends: many many more of them will be with older Japanese women than are with older women back home. |
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luckbox
Joined: 18 Mar 2006
Posts: 180
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| Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 5:28 am Post subject: |
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| kdynamic wrote: |
| There ARE generalities that apply in many if not most cases. |
And you need to rephrase this to: "There ARE generalities that apply [according to my anecdotal experiences in such and such a region of Japan, within such and such a group of foreigners.]" As for what conclusions you draw from your experiences, you can hold firm to the idea that pigs fly if you want, and I'm not gonna stop you, but just be clear about the subjective nature of your generalizations.
You're likely gonna find your your generalizations are quite a bit different from those of others. For example, in my experience, the young ex-pats I knew dated almost exclusively younger J-females, and did so out of preference and/or chance.
I just thought you sounded a bit too Dr. Ruth in some of your comments, and yes, your comments did conflict with one another, but anway, I've made my point. |
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Sherri
Joined: 23 Jan 2003
Posts: 749
Location: The Big Island, Hawaii
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| Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 5:40 am Post subject: |
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I am a woman. I lived in Japan for almost 14 years. I dated Japanese guys and now I am married to one. I never found it hard to date Japanese guys at all and neither did (do) my friends. I don't know where that myth came from. And for the record, my husband is great at sharing housework!
Best
Sherri |
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luckbox
Joined: 18 Mar 2006
Posts: 180
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| Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 5:49 am Post subject: |
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| Sherri wrote: |
I am a woman. I lived in Japan for almost 14 years. I dated Japanese guys and now I am married to one. I never found it hard to date Japanese guys at all and neither did (do) my friends. I don't know where that myth came from. And for the record, my husband is great at sharing housework!
Best
Sherri |
Exactly my point... which is why I qualified my comment as one based merely on my own perceptions. I think your post here serves well to demonstrate that generalizations are often based on little more than anecdote and personal experience, or even myth, unless of course you wanna drag out some social science study that's been done on Japanese-Foreigner dating habits. Which I have zero interest in doing. |
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guest of Japan
Joined: 28 Feb 2003
Posts: 1601
Location: Japan
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| Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 5:53 am Post subject: |
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Sorry Sherri, but after writing this:
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And for the record, my husband is great at sharing housework!
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, I'm not sure I can trust you anymore. The reason being that after living 5 years in Japan I'm not even good at sharing housework anymore.  |
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