Job Discussion Forums

tedkarma · Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 9:41 pm Post subject:

My wife and I agreed 20+ years ago that our pasts were our pasts. I don't ask her - she doesn't ask me. And, really, there is no need. It doesn't mean we don't talk about those times - but we realize that we both did things that - uh, nowadays we might not be so proud of - or the other doesn't REALLY need to know and life goes on. Frankly I have no interest in digging in the past - nor does she. Yeah yeah - it made us what we are - but we are what we are - I don't need to sort through it regularly.

This compulsion that Westerners have to "tell all" to everyone seems a bit silly to me. Why? Honesty has nothing to do with it. Perhaps discretion is a reasonable path?

No need to "pity" our relationship - it is MAGNIFICENT at 21 years and counting . . .

Sorry - just my "rant" for the day - just call me a conservative old fart . . .

sheeba · Joined: 17 Jun 2004 Posts: 1123

fair enough Ted .I'm honest from day 1 but we're all different . Perhaps I used the wrong word in 'pity '

tedkarma · Posted: Sat Jul 22, 2006 2:01 am Post subject:

sheeba · Joined: 17 Jun 2004 Posts: 1123

No - not dishonest . I didn't mean that . Perhaps I should have said 'straight up'-I don't know . Jeesh and I try and teach this language !!

mondrian · Posted: Sat Jul 22, 2006 10:58 am Post subject:

One of my oral class conversation topics is: "will you allow your partner/wife/husband to read your diary?"
It always promotes initial expected responses: giggling; shock; "macho" denial from the boys. But if I probe and get past those comments I usually get quite full discussions with lots of lovely vocabulary and grammar points used.
Incidentally, my wife writes hers in English, but she has had a phase (before we met) that is in Chinese and she has declined to translate!
No big deal for me - as I subscribe to the comments of the other posters here: the past is her past and we share what we think is relevant or important.

Calories · Joined: 17 Jun 2005 Posts: 361 Location: Chinese Food Hell

If a student asked me if I ever used drugs, I'd probably ignore the question or tell them off for asking personal questions. If I absolutely had to answer, no of course not. Drugs are bad mmmmkay.

I wouldn't let my lover read my personal journals. They aren't very interesting and I only write when stabbing myself in the eye is the only other option. Miserable and boring, I can't even read them myself.

sheeba · Joined: 17 Jun 2004 Posts: 1123

sheeba · Joined: 17 Jun 2004 Posts: 1123

Ok Calories . I can understand your meaning this morning . Had a few pints last night and was a tad confused !!!Seem to be getting confused a lot these days!!

denise · Joined: 23 Apr 2003 Posts: 3419 Location: finally home-ish

A question that I commonly get asked that for me is more awkward than the drug question is, "Do you believe in God?" Or, as it is often phrased, "You believe in God, right?" Uhhhhh... What is the correct answer for a non-religious person in a very Catholic university?!?!? I refuse to flat-out lie and I get tired of deflecting the question with my standard, "Well, in the US there are many different religions, and really, my family just never went to church when I was growing up, so..." Sigh.

d

tedkarma · Posted: Sun Jul 23, 2006 9:02 pm Post subject:

Justin Trullinger · Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2006 3:10 pm Post subject:

Dear Team,
I don't think I'll bother to pity your relationship, Ted. In fact, we should all be so lucky. (I'm doing quite well, but just coming up on year six...) But I do suspect that while in your relationship, like most, there may be things you don't talk about, after 21 happy years, I doubt very much that there is anything you couldn't talk about if you wanted or needed to.

About God, or drugs, or sex, or criminal history, or anything else that is uncomfortably personal, I guess for me it comes down to how well I know them, and how much I trust their comprehension and maturity. There are things I would never say to a group of teens that I'm happy to mention to an adult group who I've known for years...

Best,
Justin

sheeba · Joined: 17 Jun 2004 Posts: 1123

Ok guys . Thanks for the tips . I think I'll conclude that I won't mention any previous drug habits in future . I'll probably just try to turn the discussion in some way and if really drummed I'll just say no . The god question I just answer with 'No' to save trouble or at least I hope it saves trouble . I agree with denise in that this is perhaps a more sensitive issue in this day and age . To be honest my students tend to ask qusestions that are a little too personal . Perhaps I should just say 'Mind your own!'