Job Discussion Forums

[Perpetual Traveller]

[GWUstudent]

Interesting thread...and one I can identify with.

I met my current boyfriend in Japan (I had no idea that a serious relationship would happen for me there) and have since moved back to the US for grad school.

The relationship has been long distance this past year and a half which is now starting to get difficult. He visited me several time last year, but now I'm not sure if we'll get a chance to visit each other before I finish my program. Not too long to wait. But...still tough.

I have no problem with moving back to Japan for a few years...I love Japan. But, I know I will ultimately want to settle in the US...close to my family:) I think he's pretty flexible about location...but it does seem hard to make concrete plans right now while the relationship is long distance. I'm hoping for the best!

[lozwich]

Well all the very best to you PT! And just remember that life is what happens while we're busy making other plans. If you'd told me 10 years ago that I'd now be divorced, in a whole new career, speak another language pretty well and living in South America, I wouldn't have believed you!

If its right, it'll happen, and various other hippy platitudes.

But good luck!

[MELEE]

Congratulations PT and Denise! I think true love usually finds you when you are NOT looking for it.

Did you give any thought to this before embarking?
Before embarking on the adventure of living abroad, or before diving into the relationship? I arrived in Mexico, fresh out of a difficult break up, so no, I wasn't thinking of looking for a partner. But before I had met my x, I had day dreamed about a Latin man. If you mean before I started the relationship, yes, it tormented me for many days. There were so many reasons why getting invovled was a bad idea, in my case it was more than national, cultural and language barriors, there were also social class, professional and a 5 year age differenence to overcome. But my heart said it was worth giving it a chance, it seemed like there was the possiblity to be something really wonderful (and it has turned out that way). In the end I couldn't ignore it.

If so, what were your conclusions?
I guess I already answered. I decide the glimmer of a great relationship that I saw between us was worth overcomming all the obstacles.

For those who are involved/married/etc to a foreigner;
Did you intend to stay in that country permanantly before you met your spouse/partner?
No, I came to Mexico thinking I'd stay a year, maybe two. I met the guy who is now my husband on my third day here.

Have you talked about/considered relocating to your home country?
No relocated permanently, I'm not really interested in returning to the US permanently. But we have talked about going there for a time for educational purposes, like him doing a PhD. or for our daughters to perfect their English.

Have you talked about/considered relocating to a country neutral to the both of you?
Again, only temporarily. There are a lot of scholarships for Mexicans to study in Spain, we've talked about that. And he is interested in maybe going to Asia for a year or two. My Japan photo albums have captivated his imagination.

Are there any relationship challenges that you think are unique to your situation?
I was talking about this recently with a friend who is also in a cross cultural marriage. I think the keys to a good relationship remain the same, but a lot of people who have partners from their home countries are able to take more for granted and therefor seem to have an easier time of it but the challenges are essentially the same.

1) physical attraction
2) mutual admiration
3) good communication
4) accepting the other for who they are

[Bayden]

[Lynn]