Job Discussion Forums

[voodikon]

i recently posted this on the china: off-topic forum and received some thoughtful responses before i realized it's really not particular to china.

so i'm putting it up here to see what the community at large thinks--and i think it nicely complements the current "augh! reverse culture shock" thread as well.

at just over two years in china, i'm a relative newbie at living abroad but i've been running into some serious rough times (emotionally speaking) and wondering how much of it is the result of being away from home and how much is simply normal life stuff--that's been making me debate whether or not i should stay here, move on to another place, or return to the states--all of which have appealing and unappealing considerations for me. i won't get into too many specifics about my situation as i'd like to keep the discussion open, but i guess the main issue is, if what's making me feel down isn't actually due to living here (or not living elsewhere), moving won't help matters and may in fact be something i regret.

so, from you all who've lived abroad and moved on or at least thought about why you did/would/will/didn't or won't: why?

[dmb]

After 10 years in Turkey I felt I needed a change. Timing was all important. Having split up with my g/f at the time 2 months previous, my job contract was up as was the apt. contract... and my dog had run away so I had no ties. After 2 years in the Gulf, I am now thankfully back in Istanbul.

[merlin]

Never leave when things are bad. Work it though until you can leave on your terms, when you want to. Not because pressures are driving you out.

Just decide: what do I want to do? Say here or not? Then either decide to go or stay but whatever you do make sure it's YOUR decision. Then do it.

[ls650]

[White_Elephant]

Moving is a big job. I should know - I've moved more times than I care to count. Think of all the things you have to pack up and take to god knows where. Think of all the expenses involved. Think of the readjustment you must go through in your new environment, which typically takes many months. Psychologists say that depression and emotional problems hit their peak when a person moves. It's a very difficult and stressful time. If you have any emotional problems, it's best to get those under control first before you decide to pack up and leave your comfort zone or support system behind.

[jr1965]

I definitely think where you live is important, but I've tended to get that "I need a change/ It's time to move on" feeling when something personal happens--something that doesn't really have anything to do with the city or country I'm living in.

For example, I remember when I was first starting out as a teacher, in my 3rd year I think it was, I just burned out and needed a break�not just a vacation. It didn't really have anything to do with the country or city I was living in. I had friends, a nice apartment, a decent job. But I was tired and feeling a bit "claustrophobic" and so I decided at the end of my contract to pack it up, go somewhere else, and get my thoughts in order. I'm not sure why I had to leave the country where I was to sort my life out, but I did. It's like that line in "On the Road" where the Kerouac character says, "Where we going?" and Dean says, "I don't know, man, but we gotta go and keep going until we get there." Sometimes, being in a completely different situation will trigger something. You'll discover that you really want to be doing _____ and not _______. Or you'll realize that you really did like being where you were.

I didn't take on a new job right away. I took a couple of months off, visited Southeast Asia, rested on a beach, and then went back home for the holidays to visit family and friends. In that time, I thought a lot about what I wanted to be doing. It was a good move. In the end, I headed back overseas in better health and with a (slightly) clearer sense of what I wanted to be doing.

[thrifty]

`Teaching English isn't a dead end but a door way - a well hidden one that many will tell you doesn't exist. `

The above is one of the reasons I hate TEFL so much.

[Henry_Cowell]

thrifty,

Why haven't you been able to find the doorway? Too much stumbling?

[capricious]

A life with no problems is just a dream that won't come true. We'll always have problems to deal with in our lives. We'll solve one but another will be sure to come your way. It's a question of HOW we deal with these problems. Adopting a positive attitude always helps. Stressing ourselves over a problem won't solve it. So I suggest you get cracking and make the most of your life...

[Guy Courchesne]

At 6 years abroad, and all in the same country, it's easy to look back and see all the stages I've passed. The 'total newness' of being in Mexico is of course over.

I find that when I feel myself getting into a rut, or feeling listless, it's helpful to sit down and reflect on what I've done or what I'm doing to advance. That could be related to Mexico, to career, to life in general. If on reflection I see that I'm not moving forward in any way, I make a conscious effort to do something different. Could be an exercise routine, a plan to take a mini-vacation to somewhere new, start a writing project, study a different language, just about anything. I'm not going to change the fundamentals (having rooted now in Mexico) so I look to set some mid-term goals and try to meet them. Usually gets me out of the rut.

[Teacher in Rome]

I think that you get to a sort of crunch time after two years in one place. If you can truthfully list more negatives to positives about the place you're in, it's perhaps time to think about moving on. More importantly, if you can work out what you don't like about the negatives, you can probably identify the things that are important to you.

As more than one poster has said, though, it's often the personal things that motivate you to move. Personally speaking, I left a good job in Asia to go back to the UK because I was missing my nephew growing up... Sometimes the emotional stuff has more pull than career considerations, but you shouldn't ignore these feelings if you have them. I don't think you'll every regret "moving on" - staying in one place just for the sheer "staying power" of it all is not positive, in my opinion.

[gregoryfromcali]

I started another thread which is similar.

http://www.eslcafe.com/forums/job/viewtopic.php?t=45054

I got a lot of good advice, but to be honest I think it's just time for me to get out of the ESL field.

For two reasons.

1. It's not something I want to do for the next 5 years of my life.

2. At the school I'm teaching at we get a bunch of spoiled teenagers with rich parents who want them to learn English, yet they don't even do their work in class.

I feel like I'm teaching high school back in the States and that's the last thing I've ever wanted.

I'll probably try switching schools first. But I know that my days of teaching ESL are going to be coming to an end.

It was a fun ride. But I think it's just time to move on...

[tedkarma]

Dump the emotional baggage. If you want to try a new place, try it. Don't move just because something is p*ssing you off. Go TO something rather than running AWAY from something.

I've worked in Botswana, Saudi Arabia, Korea (twice), Taiwan, Thailand (twice) - but always because I was making a pro-active move.

There is nothing wrong with changing countries. I tend to think that the people who go to one country only - and pooh pooh leaving are really missing out.

It's a big wide world out there - check it out!

[JZer]

[thrifty]