Job Discussion Forums

Gordon · Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Posts: 5309 Location: Japan

Marriage isn't for everyone, if you want to stay single, good for you. Just don't assume it is strange that others may want to get married.
To each is own.

Deicide · Posted: Sun Nov 26, 2006 8:42 am Post subject:

Guy Courchesne · Joined: 10 Mar 2003 Posts: 9650 Location: Mexico City

jr1965 · Joined: 09 Jul 2004 Posts: 175

spiral78 · Joined: 05 Apr 2004 Posts: 11534 Location: On a Short Leash

Some of the posts on this thread seem to assume some kind of a 'universal' mode when it comes to marraige - or to being single. Obviously, either state is as individual as the people in it.

My spouse and I currently have homes on two continents - and we spend some time living together and some time living apart, depending on the demands of our jobs. We prefer living together, but even then, we have always given each other lots of free space. It's for sure that we don't get bored with each other! This works well for us, and many of our friends envy our relationship, but I'm not necessarily advocating this kind of marraige as an ideal that everyone should follow. I'm just saying that a successful 'marraige' is not a cookie-cutter kind of state.

Deicide · Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2006 1:48 pm Post subject:

Ok...fair enough. Most of the marriages I know of are not like the ones mentioned above and I reckon that is often the case. Yours seem to be the rare ones. Now even with the real possibility of getting my hands on an EU passport without marriage if I could find someone who didn't want to live together that would be perfect for me...rare thing though and not too many women who are into that... Wink

MELEE · Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2006 3:35 pm Post subject:

Justin Trullinger · Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2006 11:42 pm Post subject:

Hmmm. Interesting stuff.

The concept of marriage really does get people going, doesn't it? WHich may be what the institution is still good for... a good conversation starter, if nothing else.

I am, perhaps, a funny case here. Of all the posters here, philosophically, I most closely agree with Deicide. And yet, after a fairly extended "bachelor life," I'm with somebody. Not married, but not exactly single either. (The somebody I'm with also agrees with us, Deicide, so I guess we're compatible. Very Happy

)

Situation permitting, we live together, though in the line of work we're both in, situations frequently mean we're apart. And I like it when we're together. I also like it when we're apart. Go figure.

But I feel like many married people have so completely bought the myth of marital perfection, or of perfecting their own lives through marriage, that they miss some important facts and ideas.

MELEE · Posted: Mon Nov 27, 2006 11:57 pm Post subject:

Justin,

I don't feel like I've given up anything, certainly not freedom. (note to those who didn't read the beginning of the thread, my husband currently lives 11 hours away.) I probably have compromised somethings, but nothing that is really important to me. I haven't visited my homecountry in 4 years, because that country will not allow my husband to enter it. I imagine that for many that would be a big sacrifice, but for me, it's not really a big deal. I don't really want to go there.

I'm not a big believer in marriage, but this time around I choose to get legally married because my partner and I are of different nationalilities.

Aramas · Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 12:47 am Post subject:

MELEE · Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 1:07 am Post subject:

Guy Courchesne · Joined: 10 Mar 2003 Posts: 9650 Location: Mexico City

Aramas · Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 2:17 am Post subject:

Justin Trullinger · Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 3:23 pm Post subject:

Well, if I'd realized I could fart in bed, I'd have gotten married ages ago! Shocked

But seriously. I understand, you married folks, that the things you've given up were worth it. Me too. The idea that it was completely rosy, no difficulties at all, goes against my experience of relationships, or of life for that matter, though.

I've been with someone for a fair handful of years, and like you, MELEE, we're from different countries. The complications related to this that can come up are really the only reason I could imagine getting married. Though as you mentioned, marriage isn't the "solve all" where visas are concerned. I know a fair handful of people here who are married to US citizens, but unable to get short term visas to the US. They could apply for residency, but this is a long process and would involve actually living there. If they're happy to live in Ecuador, and would like to visit and meet the inlaws, they're pretty much out of luck.

So unless we decide we want to live long term in her country, or the US (which I can't imagine at this point, but who knows), I don't see any advantage to marriage.

Aside from the farting thing...

Justin

dmb · Joined: 12 Feb 2003 Posts: 8397

I live with my better half. She's Canadian and I'm a Brit. We are quite happy the way we are but are planning to marry next year. Why? We are going to move to the Gulf in the next couple of years. Both of us have lived there before but if we want to live together then we basically have to get married. As far as we are concerned, it is just a bit of necessary paper......and an expensive day hiring a boat on the Bosphorous.