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[justme]

I would be laughing hysterically at the family 'involvement' you guys are talking about if it didn't hit so close to home. The other night I was telling my dad about mother-in-law's latest, and he laughed and I said 'It's only funny when it's not you.' I don�t envy you guys the religious meddling�my in laws aren�t particularly religious�but it sounds like just another d*mn way for them to try to get their fingers into every little aspect of your life, whether you want it or not.

It's not just the involvement itself, it's the insidiousness of the details of your daily life they feel they should (constantly and repetitively) put in their 2 cents about. My mother-in-law's current major beef with me is about where I dry my clothes. Apparently, there�s an imaginary damp smell in the room we use (soon to be the baby�s room), which will surely make the baby very sick and kill it within a few days. Clothes should be dried on the balcony and this is the way it always has been and the way it must be. Really, she has a long-standing issue with the plants on my balcony, not really sure why. Maybe because they�re in dirt, which is dirty, which will surely kill us all? Or maybe it�s just because it�s NOT DONE, having more than a few scabby annuals from Migros out on one�s balcony. Who knows, but if I have to hear about it once more, I may strangle someone. Whatever the reason, in order to convince me to take the plants off my balcony and use it for clothes-drying, she�s actually resorted to threatening the respiratory health of my unborn baby.

I appreciate it that father-in-law, when he�s around, shushes her when she starts going on about this to me. What troubles me is I�ve recently found out my husband�s been running baby name ideas past his parents, and apparently they have both voting and veto power as to what we name our kid.

Is there a polite way to say �It�s none of their f*cking business,� so you can get the point across yet not set off your spouse�s Mediterranean �I must honor and respect my parents even when they�re being dumb or annoying� alarm?

[Vixter]

That is horrendous, Justme. I can't believe she would use the health of your baby against you, that is just sick. I read on the Guardian website a couple of days ago that Turkey's survival rate for babies (sorry, horrible topic) is 10 times worse that of France, so they don't always do everything right. though to be fair, that figure must be skewed by the poverty and lack of facilities available to a great many people, particularly away from the cities.

In this weather it would be nigh on impossible to dry clothes on the balcony - in October mine were on the balcony for 5 hrs before I gave up and brought them inside. Everyone has their own way of doing things, it just seems that here people are a great deal more vocal about not just putting their 2 cents worth in, but going on and on about it until you change your behaviour. I have learnt a great deal about cleaning and cooking here from Mother-in-Law but i've also learnt a great deal about how not to do things.

I'm looking to have a child within the next couple of years and I know that I will have to be adamant about how I want my child to be brought up, what I want them to eat, what I don't want to to eat, when they go to bed etc. I'm lucky as my husband has seen hundreds of English families and can appreciate that we don't run around after our kids every second of the day and so they are more independent. It makes me ill to see my nieces and nephews (aged from 2 to here always with some sort of disgusting ultrasweet chewing gum, sugar liquid spray in their hands and in their mouth. You can literally see the energy levels peak and fall dramatically, and then the parents just smile indulgently as their kids hit them (or me!). I'm kind of thinking that this will be an uphill struggle when I decide the time's right for me.

I guess the most important thing is getting the husband on side. I got pretty annoyed the other day as after my M-I-L's brother moved, it was me that was called to move his stuff back to her house - she wouldn't dare ask my husband again as he would tell her, yet again, that we need a van to move the bed, bookcases etc. After endless calls with a teary M-I-L on the phone saying she just wanted to pick up the pots and pans as she needed them, I took here there - an hour's drive. Of course we ended up staying the whole day there, took masses of stuff yet still needed to borrow a van to go back there anyway. Complete waste of petrol and my day off as we had to go back their the following week. It turns out that she'd just bought a brand new set of pans and didn't need this stuff after all. Ah well.

Now a funny story. We were cleaning Mother in law's place for a Bayram a couple of years ago and I'd offeredf to do the bathroom. I'd done the floor, loo, bath etc and was just wiping down the walls with a dryish cloth. Mother in law tutted, dipped the cloth back into the domestos water, handed it back to me. Sadly I got too close to a wire which turned out to be live, got a bit of a shock, burst into tears, had to sit down for a bit. Luckily we both saw the funny side and we both know that me and electricity don't mix.

[justme]

Oof, the amount of sugar kids here get turns my stomach. We visited my husband's business partner a few months back, and they all warned me in advanced that the youngest son was a bit of a 'handful.' Cute. He was the worst child I've ever seen in my life, including ones I've seen on TV. In his defense, it wasn't entirely his fault-- the amount of sugar that kid ingested in the course of an evening was astounding. 6 chocolate bars, 2 colas, a few Links (a sugar water fruit drink), some other candy and some stuff I don�t remember. None of it was proper food�for that, he cried when they tried to make him eat it. It was more sugar than I eat in a month. At 6 years old, the kid was too fat for his mom to pick up. Oh, and I shouldn�t leave out that he started shouting for her in the middle of the night, waking everyone BTW, because he wanted her to wipe his a*s after a poo. Seriously.

As for MIL and the impending baby, I�m just bracing myself for it to get a lot worse. Things like: It�s a good idea to let fresh air in the house vs. Outside air makes everyone sick, Babies should be dressed warmly in 1000 layers inside and out vs. I don�t think the kid should be sweating like that, Babies should be blow dried when they�re wet or sweaty vs. What the hell, should I just humor this one?, He�s only 5�let him climb the walls vs. Um, discipline? and so on. And on. And on. I�m sure every time the kid gets a sniffle or whatever, there will be a really good reason to blame me and my unpleasant foreign behavior. Just as I don�t tell her I swim regularly now, there are a lot of things involving the baby that she�ll just be better off not knowing.

It�s true about getting husband on your side, though once it becomes a matter of sides, good luck! It�s actually the sides thing that bothers me�why does it have to be sides? I mean, if you ask your husband to support you or help out when his mother is driving you apesh*t, it somehow becomes �going against mother�, not �helping/supporting wife.� When his mom drives him crazy nattering on about something, my husband bawls her out just fine, no guilt, but if I need him to intervene when she�s doing it to me (though my Turkish is okay, I can�t employ the necessary linguistic politeness and diplomacy one needs for mothers in law), well, no way, it�ll hurt her feelings and it�s not respectful and my poor mother, she�s not a monster. I often wonder if my husband has the �sides� idea on his own, or if Mother is doing some manipulation behind the scenes. Hmmm.

[yaramaz]

So, justme, this swimming thing of yours... trying to drown the baby, are you? If he is born deaf, shall we blame it on water in the ear?

Or if he catches cold when born because you have the nerve to fill your belly with liquid and so he will undoubtedly emerge into the cold air with wet hair. Oh god!

[justme]

If I'm not busy trying to drown the baby, then I'm probably starving it to death. Swimming will surely cause all manner of infection to me and the baby, espcailly because I do it without wearing my slippers.

Probably, Yaramaz, I can't be your friend anymore because you have a cat, and if she doesn't infect me with bird flu, she'll probably give me something else. If the baby is born not looking enough like the Turkish side of the family, it's probably Lola's fault. Bad, kitty, bad!



Wet kitties are the most dangerous.

[dmb]

As soon as baby is born give it/him/her to MIL and come out for a few glasses of red wine...
.
.
yaramaz is paying.

[yaramaz]

Lola will pay- it's her fault after all.



I miss booze with justme. Drinking with cats just isn't the same. Even psycho kitties. Pop that sprog, m'dear, and let's go get you a new, happier bouncy animation.