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dmb
Joined: 12 Feb 2003
Posts: 8397
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 Posted: Thu Dec 21, 2006 2:55 pm Post subject: What do you mean there's no Santa?:( |
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| A school has been forced to apologise after a class of nine and ten-year-olds were told that Father Christmas doesn't exist. Children at Ladysmith Junior School, Exeter, were set the task of writing a Christmas letter, but the worksheets they were given said: "Many small children believe in Santa", going on to reveal that his letters were actually handled by an official at the Post Office. To make things worse, the teacher then asked the children to compose a reply to one of the "small children" in question explaining why a request for presents was being turned down. |
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Otterman Ollie
Joined: 23 Feb 2004
Posts: 1067
Location: South Western Turkey
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| Posted: Fri Dec 22, 2006 7:33 am Post subject: |
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Perhaps we could compile some of those "replies that the older children might send to the younger ones .
Something like this ;
Dear present wanter
Sorry to tell you that Father Christmas is not going to get your letter coz he can't read coz hes dead. Anyway it wasn't really true about him,the toy shop owners made him up to sell their toys . Talk to your mum and dad they are the real santas. merry bleeding bloody christmas,you sucker . |
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Otterman Ollie
Joined: 23 Feb 2004
Posts: 1067
Location: South Western Turkey
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| Posted: Fri Dec 22, 2006 7:51 am Post subject: |
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Perhaps we could compile some of those "replies that the older children might send to the younger ones .
Something like this ;
Dear present wanter
Sorry to tell you that Father Christmas is not going to get your letter coz he can't read coz hes dead. Anyway it wasn't really true about him,the toy shop owners made him up to sell their toys . Talk to your mum and dad they are the real santas. merry bleeding bloody christmas,you sucker . |
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lovelace
Joined: 26 Jul 2006
Posts: 190
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Otterman Ollie
Joined: 23 Feb 2004
Posts: 1067
Location: South Western Turkey
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| Posted: Fri Dec 22, 2006 11:47 am Post subject: |
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| What can I say ? After going through that lot I felt all misty eyed ,fair brought a lump to me throat ,must leave the office drinks cabinet alone ! |
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runeman
Joined: 28 Nov 2006
Posts: 124
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| Posted: Fri Dec 22, 2006 12:48 pm Post subject: |
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Dear Santa: I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben
a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend, BiLLy
Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in
lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book called a dictionary so
you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother
the
space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Santa: I have been a good girl all year, and the only
thing
I ask for is Peace and Joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't
they?
Santa
------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Santa: I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas
I'd like for my Mommy and Daddy to get back together. Please see what
you can do.
Love,
Teddy
Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the baby-sitter like a
screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to
come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time
to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Santa: I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and
I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan
Dear Susan, Milk gives me the runs, and carrots make the deer
fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a
favor?
Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Santa: What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are
you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas, All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in
Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I
unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail
waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to
know.
Santa
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Dear Santa: Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really
know when we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica, Are you really that gullible? Good luck in
whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Santa
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Dear Santa: I really really want a puppy this year. Please
please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy, That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but
that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again!
Santa
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Dearest Santa: We don't have a chimney in our house so how do
you get in?
Love, Marky
Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky"! That's why you're
getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house,
you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad
just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams, Santa |
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