Job Discussion Forums

shaner · Joined: 27 May 2005 Posts: 47 Location: Medellin, Colombia

Yeah, I know my entries don't have much about teaching English, but I get enough of that at school so bear with me.

So, I was seeing this lovely Mexican girl here. It was great. She was fun, pretty, intelligent and I could really talk with her. The only problem was her father. She told me he was very jealous of me. He had never really been nice to me and kind of grunted a greeting while her mom and I got along quite well. In fact, one day I was at her house and overheard her father asking his daughter why she was going out with a "pinche" Canadian and not a Mexican man.

Anyway, in the end I decided to be just friends because I didn't want to be the cause of a family problem. Blood is thicker than water etc.

Anyone else have this experience? I wander if this occurs in other Latin countries? I never had it happen in Colombia or Brazil.

I should say though that this is the first time it has happened.

mapache · Joined: 12 Oct 2006 Posts: 202 Location: Villahermosa

Shaner, it's the first time it has happened to you but it never happened in other Latin countries? Did you ever see this in Canada? I bet it exists there too. People are just people everywhere. One runs into some racists here and there and one runs into some jealous fathers here and there. This behavior is independent of the total Mexican culture and probably is not a valid stereotype.

Guy Courchesne · Joined: 10 Mar 2003 Posts: 9650 Location: Mexico City

I see in myself that I'd be one of those fathers that comes out sternly to my daughter's bringings-home...jajaja. For you Shaner, I'll bet 'pinche' would have been followed by whichever nationality applies. Pinche Chilango, pinche gringo, pinche arabe, pinche pinche (if you're a cook's helper)...maybe that's just dad being nasty.

My own father-in-law is low-level anti-American, but when he found out I was Canadian, he was civil and interested in how we differ.

mapache · Joined: 12 Oct 2006 Posts: 202 Location: Villahermosa

I used to date a beautiful Italian girl. Her father was in Knights of Columbus and when I took her out, he would spend the evening before we got home polishing his long swords. It was a bit unnerving arriving at his house with him brandishing his swords but I was never late bringing her home.

gordogringo · Joined: 15 Jul 2005 Posts: 159 Location: Tijuana

I get along great with my gf's family. The mother is the best as she likes to get in loud arguments with my gf when she is visiting and usually I end up taking my future mother-in-laws side. Leaves the gf a little mad at me but gets me some great tamales from the mom for dinner.And I think her mom is right most of the time.The father is a relatively quiet and friendly guy that I think is glad I am there to keep his 1/2 Cuban daughter's temper mellow.My only enemy is her younger brother.He is of the pinche Americano mindset.Is also quite mad at me for fixing up his ex-girlfriend that he got pregnant and then ditched with a American who owns a factory here.
In Tijuana I have met more single mothers than I have ever seen in my life. It is probably also the exception for the rest of Mexico.But at least here it makes me wonder why so many Mexican guys hate Americanos when we are taking care of the babies they have no trouble making but refuse to take responsibility for.Most every Americano I know here dates or lives with a single mother,me included, and helps her and her children out financially while the Mexican father is who knows where.I only have 3 out of 300 female students that live with or get money from thier childrens fathers.The rest of them toil away in factorys or bars all night then come to school each day to try and learn English so they can better thier lives.Miles away from thier children.Pinche Americanos? I say pinche mexicanos!

Ben Round de Bloc · Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Posts: 1946

MikeySaid · Joined: 10 Nov 2004 Posts: 509 Location: Torreon, Mexico

Sounds like a pretty chickens*** reason to drop out of a relationship. It probably wouldn't have been that hard to foster a relationship with her father. He was probably just scared you'd take her away from the family and never bring her back. In Mexican culture it's not altogether uncommon for people to leave for a "better life" and not return.

A thread like this can be valuable to potential teachers in Mexico as it may highlight experiences they could deal with down the line. Dating is in some ways different in Mexico than in North America. We've certainly abandoned a lot of tradition north of the border, and it's more common to see people live together before marriage here.

If anything, it sounds like her father did a good job of weeding you out.

Guy Courchesne · Joined: 10 Mar 2003 Posts: 9650 Location: Mexico City

Pining for the days of yore replete with chastity belts and wooing suitors, are we? Wink

MikeySaid · Joined: 10 Nov 2004 Posts: 509 Location: Torreon, Mexico

Guy Courchesne · Joined: 10 Mar 2003 Posts: 9650 Location: Mexico City

MikeySaid · Joined: 10 Nov 2004 Posts: 509 Location: Torreon, Mexico

Guy Courchesne · Joined: 10 Mar 2003 Posts: 9650 Location: Mexico City

scottmx81 · Joined: 26 Oct 2006 Posts: 64 Location: Morelia, Mexico.

In fact, one day I was at her house and overheard her father asking his daughter why she was going out with a "pinche" Canadian and not a Mexican man.

I believe this is a very common sentiment. If you are in the touristy areas then the people there see $$ when they see a foreigner. I think in the touristy areas the people are a bit more open to relationships with foreigners. However, it is my experience that here in Morelia, being a foreigner actually works against you. While on the coast they may see you as an exotic foreigner, over here it can be pretty damn hard to get accepted by the families. There is a lot of ignorance, and they don't realize that Mexican men are much more irresponsible regarding children, as was discussed earlier, and regarding prevention of STDs than are Americans/Canadians.

There are various things working against you as a foreigner in this region. The idea that you are here temporarily, and just want to get in the girl's pants and will later leave her is very common. The people around here are obsessed with marraige, and the parents don't see you as a stable relationship on-track towards marraige. They would like nothing more than for their daughter to marry a nice, macho Mexican man from their same town. Most don't give a damn about anything outside of their own state, and in these parts being a foreigner can truly work against you except with giggling high-school girls. But even with them, you will have problems once their family finds out about you. The things that I have heard repeated to me by some girls regarding what their families have said can be downright offensive. They have this idea that Americans all sleep around in non-committed relationships, and that you probably have diseases because of it. While this may often be true, the situation is no worse or better than with that of Mexican men.

If you really want to get accepted by the family, you have to give them the impression that you offer a stable, long-term relationship on-track towards marraige.

But again, it depends on where you are and their exposure to tourists and longer-term visitors. The situation in a poor beach town is quite different from the slightly more cosmopolitan, larger cities. In the poorer, smaller towns, many people really do want to get the hell out of there, and their families are happy for you to take their daughter away (married), so that you and her will send remittances back home to them, or at least she will escape the poverty and they will not have to worry about her anymore.

Yes, I am a little cynical but I don't think my observations are that far off.

gordogringo · Joined: 15 Jul 2005 Posts: 159 Location: Tijuana

MikeySaid · Joined: 10 Nov 2004 Posts: 509 Location: Torreon, Mexico