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callmesim
Joined: 27 Oct 2005
Posts: 279
Location: London, UK
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 Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 4:48 am Post subject: |
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| furiousmilksheikali wrote: |
Jon22: "gaijins"?
"coloured"? |
Hahahahaha!! It's like that line from The Office.
I found kdynamics posts interesting because most of my foriegn female friends are either in relationships with other foreigners or are not 'on the prowl'.
With some Japanese guys I've spoken to both, I've had those who have catagorically said they only like Japanese women and a small handful who said they like foreign women but want to marry a Japanese woman - followed by "Do you know what I mean?" with an awkward smile.
I've yet to speak to any guys who have the "Ooooo, reow!" feeling towards foreign girls in the way the creepy gaijin do for the Japanese ladies. So it's nice to hear that's not always the case.
That said, and I'd be interested on the female side of this, but I've also heard many a foriegn female say they don't find Japanese guys attractive because, on the whole, they find them "too pretty" and "not manly enough". Never quite understood this but then again, I've never understood the women who think their partners beer-count should be worn as a medal of honour. |
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kdynamic
Joined: 05 Nov 2005
Posts: 562
Location: Japan
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| Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 5:00 am Post subject: |
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Pfffft any western girl who isn't attracted to Japanese guys and complains about not getting laid here gets NO sympathy from me  |
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Chris21
Joined: 30 Apr 2006
Posts: 366
Location: Japan
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| Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 5:56 am Post subject: |
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| I don't know what kind of 'small community' you're talking about, but I have lived in many different communities in Japan - small towns and big cities. It's always the same. Japanese guys talk all about their 'akogare' toward western women. |
Community can mean more than just the city you live in. Foreigners tend to attract "gaijin-lovers". I think both foreign men and women are insulated from regular Japanese society because they are surrounded by a protective layer of gaijin-lovers. Not to say that we aren't in contact with the average Japanese person, but typically we'll be surrounded by lots of folks that seek us out (especially if you don't have fluent Japanese ability). Of course it'll be much easier to hook up with these people.
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| A lot of white guys I have met in Japan seem to have this big complex where they like to direct negativity as western women in Japan. I don't understand it. To be honest, I really don't care. Just don't start to believe your own delusions. The truth is that you don't know what's going on behond closed doors. |
Relax, I'm not directing negativity at Western women. I'm just disputing that most Japanese men are chasing after you. I think you need to take the chip off your shoulder and accept that my "delusions" are not "delusions" but rather a difference of opinion and experience. For someone that claims such an altruistic view on personal relationships, you seem to be surprisingly intolerant of others' views. And everything I've said applies equally to Western men... most Japanese women are not chasing after white guys. I accept that, and I'm not bothered by it. |
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canuck
Joined: 11 May 2003
Posts: 1921
Location: Japan
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| Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 6:23 am Post subject: |
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There's a reason why the average length of stay in Japan for foreign women working at NOVA is around the 6 month mark.
| kdynamic wrote: |
| Pfffft any western girl who isn't attracted to Japanese guys and complains about not getting laid here gets NO sympathy from me |
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Sherri
Joined: 23 Jan 2003
Posts: 749
Location: The Big Island, Hawaii
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| Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 7:02 am Post subject: |
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Right on kdynamic! Good posts!
Sherri |
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kdynamic
Joined: 05 Nov 2005
Posts: 562
Location: Japan
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| Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 8:37 am Post subject: |
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Thank you Sherri. Most of the posters on these forums seem to be male, so sometimes I feel all alone! We girls need to stick together.  |
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kdynamic
Joined: 05 Nov 2005
Posts: 562
Location: Japan
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| Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 8:48 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: |
| I think both foreign men and women are insulated from regular Japanese society because they are surrounded by a protective layer of gaijin-lovers. |
Speak for yourself
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| Relax, I'm not directing negativity at Western women. |
Ok, point taken. I just broke up with my boyfriend so I am feeling kind of touchy about everything today.
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| I'm just disputing that most Japanese men are chasing after you. |
MOST any people aren't chasing after one person - because different people have all kinds of different tastes. But I will say I have been in Japan almost three years and can barely recall a time when I have bought my own drinks. Ever. Sure, not ALL Japanese guys are chasing me, but it's hard to walk into a bar or club without a bunch of them trying. This is true for any reasonably attractive (I am no model! just normal) non-Japanese woman in Japan. I don't let it go to my head. It's just part of being exotic looking in a homogenous culture (I am sure you have noticed this effect too as far as getting attention from girls. it works both ways!).
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| For someone that claims such an altruistic view on personal relationships, you seem to be surprisingly intolerant of others' views. |
I am not intolerant, you are just wrong.
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| And everything I've said applies equally to Western men... most Japanese women are not chasing after white guys. I accept that, and I'm not bothered by it. |
I think this is true when it comes to long term serious relationships (most Japanese can only imagine marrying another Japanese and living in Japan)... but when it comes to the short term, I think the exoticism factor piques curiosity all around for both genders. |
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feisty-red
Joined: 28 Nov 2006
Posts: 29
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| Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 6:38 pm Post subject: |
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| kdynamic wrote: |
I think this is true when it comes to long term serious relationships (most Japanese can only imagine marrying another Japanese and living in Japan)... but when it comes to the short term, I think the exoticism factor piques curiosity all around for both genders. |
I would agree with you on this. I am a redhead and certainly there aren't that many of us anywhere I've ever been. I almost think my name is "the redead" as I hear that phrase in reference to me more than my own name at times.
I'll be pale, freckled, blue eyed, and with curly red hair. How's that for exotic? I figure it must be, in the States we could consider Aisan or Brazillian exotic. (Most of us and granted we are talking opinions.)
Funny, I just lopped off six inches of my hair and got a short funky do. I look nothing like any of my ID. Off topic I know but I hope this won't be a problem.
As to the OP, at least I know he won't be after me.   |
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prlester
Joined: 08 Jan 2005
Posts: 92
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| Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 10:32 pm Post subject: |
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I have to agree with the poster who says western girls aren't high on the list. Though some j-guys are really into western girls, i've never really seen or heard of a japanese guy doing anything about it. I have heard of stalking and perv related stuff from j-guys directed at women, but these included j-girls as well. I think showing masculinity (or perv behavior if anglo) is more natural in Japan, so there is more un-pc behavior.
But whether jguys like anglo girls or not is beside the point. Most American women I know have sex in a blue moon after months of dilly-dadiling with this or that guy. Thank Christian values more then anything else.
There's no way a foreign guy would put up with this not having grown up with it. I think this general play is mistaken by foreign, especially asian guys, as the unattainable white woman.
If dating in anglo countries was like Japan, I think a lot of j-guys would like to sample an Anglo woman, but couldn't be bothered under the current conditions. |
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rai
Joined: 19 Jun 2005
Posts: 119
Location: Osaka
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| Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 11:00 pm Post subject: |
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| prlester wrote: |
| I have to agree with the poster who says western girls aren't high on the list. Though some j-guys are really into western girls, i've never really seen or heard of a japanese guy doing anything about it. . |
????? I've seen plenty of "charisma women" as well as "charisma men" in Japan. I've had some plain, unremarkable looking female friends here who were treated like Marilyn Monroe, just because they were blonde. It goes both ways.
Last edited by rai on Thu Jan 18, 2007 4:40 am; edited 1 time in total |
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J.
Joined: 03 May 2003
Posts: 327
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| Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 11:24 pm Post subject: Disrespectful and stupid |
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| people who can't be bothered to get to know someone before they "sample" them deserve what they do or don't get, in my opinion. That goes for any nationality. People, women and men, are not shopping items. If you treat them as if they are, you won't get much of a relationship in any country. |
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sallycat
Joined: 11 Mar 2006
Posts: 303
Location: behind you. BOO!
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| Posted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 5:36 am Post subject: |
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| prlester wrote: |
But whether jguys like anglo girls or not is beside the point. Most American women I know have sex in a blue moon after months of dilly-dadiling with this or that guy. Thank Christian values more then anything else.
There's no way a foreign guy would put up with this not having grown up with it. I think this general play is mistaken by foreign, especially asian guys, as the unattainable white woman.
If dating in anglo countries was like Japan, I think a lot of j-guys would like to sample an Anglo woman, but couldn't be bothered under the current conditions. |
because, yeah, all western countries are exactly like america.
lots of japanese guys were interested in me, but of course that's because i'm gorgeous, not because i'm a westerner . |
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anh
Joined: 04 Jan 2007
Posts: 22
Location: USA
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| Posted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 4:55 pm Post subject: |
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| prlester wrote: |
I have to agree with the poster who says western girls aren't high on the list. Though some j-guys are really into western girls, i've never really seen or heard of a japanese guy doing anything about it. I have heard of stalking and perv related stuff from j-guys directed at women, but these included j-girls as well. I think showing masculinity (or perv behavior if anglo) is more natural in Japan, so there is more un-pc behavior.
But whether jguys like anglo girls or not is beside the point. Most American women I know have sex in a blue moon after months of dilly-dadiling with this or that guy. Thank Christian values more then anything else.
There's no way a foreign guy would put up with this not having grown up with it. I think this general play is mistaken by foreign, especially asian guys, as the unattainable white woman.
If dating in anglo countries was like Japan, I think a lot of j-guys would like to sample an Anglo woman, but couldn't be bothered under the current conditions. |
I sorta mentioned this before but what about western women that AREN'T caucasian? There's tons! How do guys see Latino girls, western girls that are of Asian descent, black girls, middle eastern etc. And what about girls that don't fit the normal stereotypes, aka super tall girls, curvy girls, girls who are different for whatever reason. I myself am mixed and even though I already have a boyfriend with no intent of breaking up, the issue itself interests me. I actually wrote a paper about Japanese people marrying non-Japanese for a class. |
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prlester
Joined: 08 Jan 2005
Posts: 92
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| Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 12:56 am Post subject: Re: Disrespectful and stupid |
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| J. wrote: |
| people who can't be bothered to get to know someone before they "sample" them deserve what they do or don't get, in my opinion. That goes for any nationality. People, women and men, are not shopping items. If you treat them as if they are, you won't get much of a relationship in any country. |
this is what i mean. most non-anglo (but not necessarliy western) people's look at men-woman relationshilps as natural and fun, not with some depravity or gravity. Japan is not unique to this. Thanks for the demonstration. |
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J.
Joined: 03 May 2003
Posts: 327
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| Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 1:28 am Post subject: My objection is not |
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to having fun; it's to treating others like objects. If people are not expecting any better because they have grown up in cultures where it's the norm, doesn't mean you should take advantage of that.
If people are just into having fun, that's okay as long as it's clear to both. I don't think it's fair for men to pretend they are interested in a "relationship" if they just want sex. Maybe those women "dillydallying" are honestly trying to get to know someone in hopes of something meaningful. You could be wasting THEIR time.
Because someone objects to treating others like commodities doesn't mean they are against "fun". It all depends on your definition of fun, I guess. Mine is not dismissing people from a particular culture ( because of your perceptions of the character of its women) and because you are only interested in something short-term and anything else is "too much work". That sounds like a combination of exploitation and laziness. |
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