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TEFL anonymous
Joined: 19 Feb 2007
Posts: 22
Location: Tampico, Mexico
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 Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 7:37 pm Post subject: male/female relationships |
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I'm coming to Mexico in a few weeks to be with my other half (North Mexican) and, to try to balance out all the gender bias horror stories he's been telling me about how easy it is to be labelled a 'bad girl'!! 
Obviously I'm trying to understand the male/female relationship - I'm an independent, tactile person and I enjoy platonic relationships with men - which has already caused some strife!!!
Just how reserved is it neccessary to be?! I've been given the impression that I have to go to bed at 10pm, never drink and wear a chastity belt - I'm fairly sure it's not quite like that!!! 
Any words of wisdom?!?! |
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thelmadatter
Joined: 31 Mar 2003
Posts: 1212
Location: in el Distrito Federal x fin!
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| Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 7:54 pm Post subject: ??? |
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Beats me!!! After 42 years of life, Im almost ready to decide that Ill never understand relationships at all. Maybe its too much to expect that someone can be your best friend, companion, lover and mother/father for the rest of one's life.
Never mind all the societal expectations we put on "coupling" |
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samizinha
Joined: 12 May 2005
Posts: 174
Location: Vacalandia
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| Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 8:36 pm Post subject: |
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I think that how you decide to act depends on who you hang out with, and if you care how others might percieve you.
Most of my friends are like me, young, open-minded professionals in Mexico City. We have guy and girl friends, more of my friends are guys. We drink tequila, stay up until 7 in the morning at the antros, and the guys have no trouble playing around on the girls... and nobody cares, because that's what everybody does.
I've had my best guy friend stay at my apartment after a wedding or event, and the family that lived below me didn't mind. This is the same for my foreign girl friends that live alone. I would not bring a string of boys home every week, however!
On the other hand, the girls have told me horror stories of macho guys who won't let you be friends with other men and watch your every move. Some fresa girls refuse to drink or emphasize how chaste they are...
I live how I want to live and nobody has bothered me about it... in fact, the opposite is true. Be true to yourself, live with your comfort level, and quietly watch the reactions around you. |
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Aabra
Joined: 03 Feb 2007
Posts: 64
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| Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 10:26 pm Post subject: |
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| TEFL anonymous wrote: |
| he's been telling me about how easy it is to be labelled a 'bad girl'!! |
Why do you care what other people think? Just be yourself. Admittedly there are a few super Macho guys who are ridiculously protective of their girlfriends but they are getting rarer by the day. If you go out with a guy who tries to tell you what you can or can't do then kick him in the balls and break up with him.  It's that easy.
90% of all Mexican guys aren't like that anymore though. You'll have no problem being platonic friends (or more than that) with most Mexican guys. Also if you really do care about what other people think (for some unknown reason) you need to be aware that you're a foreigner. You can get away with a *lot* more stuff just because of that simple fact. Most Mexicans attribute it to the culture factor.... and they're right. |
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Samantha
Joined: 25 Oct 2003
Posts: 2038
Location: Mexican Riviera
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| Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 10:49 pm Post subject: |
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| Aabra, I find several of the statements in your most recent post to be way off base and completely inaccurate, and I'll bet I'm not the only one. You obviously have less than a clue in several cultural areas. Did you type this advice and make these comments just to see your name in print? I will leave it at that while I count to 110. |
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Aabra
Joined: 03 Feb 2007
Posts: 64
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| Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 11:01 pm Post subject: |
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| Samantha wrote: |
| Aabra, I find several of the statements in your most recent post to be way off base and completely inaccurate, and I'll bet I'm not the only one. You obviously have less than a clue in several cultural areas. |
Huh? What comment were you referring to in particular? Be yourself? Break up with somebody who tries to tell you what to do? I don't really see how this is bad advice.
The kick him in the balls comment was obviously a joke. Or are you referring to my comment that 90% of all Mexican men aren't macho? Admittedly this is from my experience in Guadalajara. I'm sure it's different outside of the city. Macho men are really looked down upon here. They're usually the butt end of several jokes. Then again, maybe I just hang out with different people than you.
| Samantha wrote: |
| Did you type this advice and make these comments just to see your name in print? |
Yes. |
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thelmadatter
Joined: 31 Mar 2003
Posts: 1212
Location: in el Distrito Federal x fin!
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| Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 11:36 pm Post subject: aabra |
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| I live near Mexico City and I didnt think Aabra's comments were off-base. |
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samizinha
Joined: 12 May 2005
Posts: 174
Location: Vacalandia
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| Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 3:31 am Post subject: |
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Double post deleated.
Last edited by samizinha on Fri Feb 23, 2007 3:34 am; edited 1 time in total |
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samizinha
Joined: 12 May 2005
Posts: 174
Location: Vacalandia
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| Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 3:32 am Post subject: |
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Ok, let me clarify a couple of things.
- I find most guy and girl relationships in Mexico City pretty much the same as in Canada, because of the friends that I have.
- Your boyfriend could be telling you these things because he's protective and cares about you, or that's really how things are with his family and friends, and you will have to see how you fit into all of it.
- In Canada, it's not very classy to go to a small party with people you barely know, get hammered and make a fool of yourself (well, depends on the company). Same here.
- Rather than having problems with perceptions of how much I drink, I find that people pressure me to drink more than I usually want to. That's a personal comfort level that you will have to go with.
- Like it or not, there is a perception that foreign girls are easy, and you probably want to be careful about perpetuating this, so yes, be yourself, but be aware.
- Most girls I know barely swear, and don't use the same variety of colourful words as the guys, unless it's talking to other girls.
- If you want to be friends with guys here, take it slowly. Many times they may believe that you are interested in more than friendship., even if you have a boyfriend This includes men who are older, younger, complete strangers... This can put you in an ackward position, so be careful.
- I dress conservatively unless I'm on the beach, as is the custom.
- When I'm meeting anybody of any gender for the first time, I'm polite, listen a lot, and see what kind of person they are before I start spilling out all of my opinions.
- When you have some friends that you feel comfortable with, along with your boyfriend, ask about the local culture to get a feel on how to deal with new situations.
- I had to learn to stay up later. Sometimes I would like to go to bed at 10 
- Enjoy, I'm sure you'll have a fabulous time. Please keep us posted! |
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Ben Round de Bloc
Joined: 16 Jan 2003
Posts: 1946
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| Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 2:30 pm Post subject: Re: aabra |
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| thelmadatter wrote: |
| I live near Mexico City and I didnt think Aabra's comments were off-base. |
I don't live anywhere near Mexico City, and I thought most of Aabra's comments were off-base. |
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delacosta
Joined: 14 Apr 2004
Posts: 325
Location: zipolte beach
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| Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 2:55 pm Post subject: |
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I agree with Ben. Machismo is alive and well in Oaxaca, and I'd venture to say is the rule rather than the exeption in the vast majority of Mexico.
It's taken awhile for my wife to accept the fact that I have many women friends, some of them really close, and I havce no plans of hopping into bed with them. She has realised that I don't behave like most of the Mexican men she has known, where being friends with a woman is seen as an opportunity to get close with the hopes of something sexual developing. |
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Guy Courchesne
Joined: 10 Mar 2003
Posts: 9650
Location: Mexico City
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| Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 3:30 pm Post subject: |
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Well, since lines are being drawn and sides taken...I have no real objection to what Aabra said (except for kicking someone in the joyas).
I wonder if there's an age divide here...while of course there is machismo everywhere, it doesn't seem to be the norm at all in younger guys here in DF...by younger, I'm thinking 30 and under. Machismo is something to be ridiculed in DF.
Unlike Delacosta, my wife struggles to accept that relationships I have are platonic, particularly with other Mexican women, who she thinks are always on the prowl. Would almost make you think that hembrismo (not a real word) is what's more common in DF.
Last edited by Guy Courchesne on Fri Feb 23, 2007 3:52 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Aabra
Joined: 03 Feb 2007
Posts: 64
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| Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 3:48 pm Post subject: |
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| Guy Courchesne wrote: |
| I wonder if there's an age divide here...while of course there is machismo everywhere, it doesn't seem to be the norm at all in younger guys here in DF...by younger, I'm thinking 30 and under. Machismo is something to be ridiculed in DF. |
This is probably the case although I'd venture to go as far as 35 and under... maybe even 40.
Can we all agree on this then?
If the Mexican man is under 35 and living in a big city then he's probably not macho. If he's from a small pueblo or over the age of 35 then he probably is? I dunno, I honestly hate generalizations. I don't think it's very fair at all. There's really a very simple solution. Judge everybody like the individual that they are and react accordingly. Don't hang out with people you don't like.
*shrug* |
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ls650
Joined: 10 May 2003
Posts: 3484
Location: British Columbia
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| Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 4:22 pm Post subject: |
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| Aabra wrote: |
| I honestly hate generalizations. |
I always hate generalizations!
Is this strictly a Mexican thing? I don't think so. I think we've all met men of all ages and all backgrounds who are constantly on the make, and couldn't have a platonic relationship with a woman if their lives depended on it. |
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Ben Round de Bloc
Joined: 16 Jan 2003
Posts: 1946
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| Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 4:32 pm Post subject: |
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| Guy Courchesne wrote: |
| I wonder if there's an age divide here...while of course there is machismo everywhere, it doesn't seem to be the norm at all in younger guys here in DF...by younger, I'm thinking 30 and under. Machismo is something to be ridiculed in DF. |
I'm not sure how people are defining machismo here or what would be considered examples of machismo. I would venture to say that in Merida if a guy of any age were at a disco or club with his wife/girlfriend, and another guy, gringo or otherwise, came over and asked his wife/girlfriend to dance, 1) he would get a very cool reception, and 2) if he persisted, he'd need a rake to collect his teeth from the floor. I don't see it as all that different from a similar situation in Iowa USA . . . except for maybe skipping #1 and going directly to #2. |
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