Job Discussion Forums

[Guy Courchesne]

[corporatehuman]

Do you trust your wifes judgment? I think the idea of a time limit is worthwhile. While I agree most Mexican 21 year olds are like teenagers...of course there are always exceptions.

The Mexican family stereotype, strength, love, support, everyone sharing living together eating together etc. has been difficult for me to find. I lived with a family for eight months and fortunately they were of this kind of family, but as I've left and am now more on my own I have come in contact with many, many, broken families. Usually defined by the absence of the father. One example is a woman who had two children with a man who is married, knowingly. The father is never around. Another, the example of my girlfriend, who has almost no relationship with either her mother or father, and was raised half-heartedly by her grandparents. I think what happened to the family unit in the United States, is happening here in Mexico. No doubt that the United States has an oppressive amount of influence in Mexico, everything from television to food, it has to take its toll on tradition too.

These are only two examples and on the whole I agree that the family unit, structure, can be very warm and supportive in Mexico, and there is much to be admired. But there have been too many times I've found this simply not to be true. Especially with many, many men having multiple families in different areas of the country, with multiple wives, children, many who never know about the other.

Now that I think about it, don't move in with her family. You'll end up fighting, it'll take a drain on your relationship with your own wife, it just isn't worth it. There's too many problems that will inevitably arise.

I don't know if anyone else has found this, but in living with Mexicans (I live with two brothers) I've found them to be really passive-aggressive. Unwilling to confront me about anything that bothers them, and when I do try to say something, give them a door so they can voice their opinion or whatever their problem is, they just ignore it and walk away. Instead they do little things like hide the television remote or stuff weird like that, cause they dont want me watching their television, anyway I find it all real confusing at times but just ignore it and don't let it bother me. But even in general, daily life, people have problems, and I always prefer to talk about them, confront them so they don't like boil into something, but here it often seems impossible.

There is nothing that drives me crazier!! than passive aggressive behavior!! no doubt these boards often serve as a good example of the trait, but has anyone found this to be TRUE in Mexican society? This need to 'keep-everything-with-a-smile' ??? frustrating? counter-productive to lasting friendship!??

C

[jfurgers]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I know her nephew has friends but I'm not sure how many and how often they go to the apt. Right now he lives there by himself. My wife used to rent it out but doesn't anymore so her nephew can live there while he's attending the university.

I'm thinking since he lives there alone, he can do whatever he wants. Not sure how much he'll like us living there but it's not really his place. I think HE should work part time but my wife always takes up for him.

And THAT kind of scares me too. He's a chemsitry major and she thinks he knows EVERYTHING. That will be all I need when I get there. Have a 21 yr old telling my wife stuff and I would have no say in anything. He really needs to get out in my opinion.

I think his mom should take care of him, not my wife, his aunt. She even bought him a computer for $2, 000.00. Yes, he's spoiled which is another negative

[jfurgers]

My wifes family is one of those broken families for sure. Her brothers and sister left mommy in a house in Ixtapaluca in wet diapers and no food for DAYS.

They would have let her die. Which is why I have no love for her family. Mommy has been in the States with us and her hubby NEVER calls to see how she's doing. The brothers and sister NEVER call either. They don't help pay for ANYTHING also.

And her nephew who is staying in a nice area for free, didn't even want to prepare her medicines when she was still living in DF. I've lived in DF before so it won't be a total culture shock for me, but I don't think I'm asking for too much to have her nephew move out.

I'll need to focus on my new job at Cedros. It doesn't sound like many here have had positive experineces living with families in Mexico.

[corporatehuman]

When I was single and didn't speak any Spanish, living with a family was great. And they helped me out a lot. And they are a great family. But, in your situation, things are obviously different...

[jfurgers]

VERY different. We took a bus from Dallas Texas to DF this past December and once we got there she called one of her brothers to pick us up. He just sat down to eat so he said it would be about 2 hours.

Unbelievable. So she had to call her other brother and he picked us up. I think I'll be just fine in DF without her brothers or nephew. They're unbelievable.

[Samantha]

Yikes, well, at least it sounds as if you are semi-prepared for the rough ride. I doubt your wife will put her nephew out, since that is just something that doesn't usually happen here. It's a cultural thing. Many guys live at home until they get married. I have a friend so frustrated with her 3 sons and she would really like them to move out. After all, the oldest is over 30, the middle is late 20's and the youngest is about 20. Their home is like a war-zone and she can't get her work done. Her computer is forever screwed up because of the "boys" using it. Her husband thinks it's okay. On the outside it looks fine, but it sure isn't. She carries on hoping for the best and 3 little wives to magically come along.

There are many dynamics at play in a Mexican family and the assumption made by so many that everything is rosy and the family unit is so close-knit is not real accurate in many cases. It isn't apparent at brief glances, but I would have to say, from my up close and personal observations of being married into the culture for over 6 years, that there is a lot of guilt and controlling which could be misconstrued as closeness. And this exists at every economic level from what I have seen. We would NEVER live with family members; just way too much drama all the time. My husband would never expect me to. As much as he loves his family and friends unconditionally, he values his privacy too. There has to be balance or it won't work.

[jfurgers]

Good points Samantha. Thanks for the info. I figure I won't be around much anyway and from what I'm told her nephew won't either. At least I won't have to see her brothers or sister too much. They never call each other nor do they visit.

My wifes sister lives about 2 minutes from one of the brothers and they NEVER call nor visit. It's sad how so many families are but what can we do. I'm cleaning the garage today and I feel excited about the move to DF.

How long have you been in Mexico? Do you like it? We plan on staying for good. There isn't much for us in the States. Plus my wife has a hard time getting good jobs even though she has tons of experience in DF. People here look down on Mexicans or so it seems.




John

[Samantha]

It sounds as if you have resigned yourself to your living arrangements so no more on that from me. As we have read in the Leaving Mexico thread, there are good responses and reasons for leaving Mexico. It is not easy to get ahead here, even if you have the cultural differences in check. And someone in the family (or circle of friends) always needs money for some sort of crisis. We often hear people say "If you want to have a million in Mexico, invest 3 million".

I have been here 7 years almost. I have to laugh when tourists call it "paradise". I guess it is for a two week vacation. It's far from paradise for real life, but you grow where you are planted and this is home for me now. Come on down with eyes wide open, and reread this thread a few times! I'm glad things are shaping up for you to move down finally. Has the moving date been set now?

[cangringo]