Job Discussion Forums

Gordon · Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Posts: 5309 Location: Japan

I'm surprised at all the posts where people seem antagonistic at the thought of having children. Why do you think that's so?
Are TEFLers so freewheeling that they don't want to be "tied down"? Any thoughts or am I way off base?
Seems kind of sad.

yaramaz · Posted: Tue Nov 18, 2003 12:25 pm Post subject:

I want kids... I'm just not in a position to have any just yet-- ie permanent home, long term partner, etc. Very Happy

These will come with time. I hope.

lajzar · Joined: 09 Feb 2003 Posts: 647 Location: Saitama-ken, Japan

I'm working n it. One step at a time. I'm about 300 steps away from this particular goal right now...

denise · Joined: 23 Apr 2003 Posts: 3419 Location: finally home-ish

I didn't see my reply listed in the poll, so here it is:

I don't teach them, and don't want to have any.

Why not? I've just never gotten that maternal instinct. (At least, not towards children--I do tend to nag and "mother" my friends a bit, though.)

I truly believe that if you can't love 'em and raise them properly, you should not have them. And I am not sure I'd raise them properly, so it's not worth the risk--to me or to them.

d

Lynn · Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Posts: 696 Location: in between

no kids

Just a guy · Joined: 06 Oct 2003 Posts: 267 Location: Guangxi

I don't mind saying that I'm too selfish to have kids.

I'm actually thinking of getting fixed Shocked

`sure might save some headache later.

fat_chris · Joined: 10 Sep 2003 Posts: 3198 Location: Beijing

Oh God, children. Why would I want to give myself more work and worry than I already have? Twisted Evil

I am not interested in having children in any way whatsoever. What's so sad about that?

My main focus is doing a good job in the classroom and helping my students.

Having children is not for everyone. Being honest with oneself by recognizing this rather than giving into "what everyone else is doing" (heck, I come home after five years and all of my friends are married and "trying" for children--should I do as they do as well?) is most important.

Different strokes for different folks. Gordon, I thought you'd recognize this.

guty · Joined: 10 Apr 2003 Posts: 365 Location: on holiday

I, well my partner, just had our first kid. I wasnt struck by any kick, or feeling of this is the greatest thing in humanity ever, its just something that happened.
I would hate to be 50 and working away knowing that when I popped my cloggs everything I had would all be for the government, or go to my brothers kids, I think life would seem very pointless then and probably quite lonely too.

lozwich · Joined: 25 May 2003 Posts: 1536

I have never wanted children. I love them lots, and enjoy having them around, but never felt that urge to have any of my own. Which luckily for me also means that I can up and leave whenever I like and go teach in foreign countries.

My eight nephews and nieces, and two grandnieces are all important people in my life, and I feel very happy that when I die I will be able to leave something for them.

Lozwich.

Wolf · Joined: 10 May 2003 Posts: 1245 Location: Middle Earth

Children cost money. I don't have money.
Children need somewhere to live, schooling, and upbringing. Can't provide any of that either.
Having children is best done with a family support network. I don't have one of those, and I struggle enough to get by on my own.

I cannot provide anything that children need. And I cannot reproduce by cellular mitosis. I made a decision a long time ago to abandon thoughts of having a family in favor of persuing a career I could enjoy.

A lot of people have a family because they feel that they must, and it makes them unhappy.

I'm not antagonistic towards the idea of children. But I'll have better luck getting a camel through the eye of a needle than I will at starting a family.

dln · Joined: 02 Nov 2003 Posts: 11

I'm with Denise (and am happy to find I'm not alone!). I just never feel natural around children. Am I unnatural, or some lesser kind of woman? So be it. I'm happy and free!
And I don't care much what other people think about my decision. Actually, I took some abuse on this issue from a Canadian stranger recently.....he branded me "immature" when I was disturbed by his little firesiren of a son. I didn't tell him what a compliment this was to me - at 43!

nomadder · Posted: Tue Nov 18, 2003 9:30 pm Post subject:

Well I go both ways on this issue. I guess it's in the hands of the fates as I can't decide. Should they provide me with the right situation and motivation before the time runs out on the clock then it will be so. I do like teaching them, etc.(most of them) but that's alot different from having them 24/7. I must confess that babies don't interest me much though. Better when theycan talk.

Gordon · Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Posts: 5309 Location: Japan

Thanks for all the replies folks. I find your answers very interesting and I respect your decisions onthe issue, even yours Chris.

I do agree that living abroad with children is much more of a challenge than staying at home with a family and friend support system in place. I don't agree that you have to choose between a career and a family (easier for me to say because I'm a man). Children can be happy wherever you decide to live, as along as you have a loving and stable home life for them. Mind you, I wouldn't drag my family to Chechnya to teach EAP to the Russian army. There are benefits to growing up in a foreign land, as I'm sure some of you had that experience yourself.

Keep the comments coming.

Deborann · Posted: Wed Nov 19, 2003 1:50 am Post subject: Been there

I have had 3 children, now wonderful, charming, independent adults who have (almost) stopped being 'children' and turned into friends. Fantastic experience - very challenging, very interesting each step of the way. But - something I've now done and wouldn't need to repeat.

guru · Joined: 27 Jan 2003 Posts: 156 Location: Indonesia

Got 2 and one's on the way. I like kids and i love mine.