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| Total Votes : 19 |
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calsimsek
Joined: 15 Jul 2004
Posts: 775
Location: Ist Turkey
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 Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2007 9:03 am Post subject: Parents and Kids In Turkey |
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After reading Entrailicus's good news about his second child, I realized that a lot of the frequent posters here have kids.
Maybe we can use this thread to ask questions, share experiences or just b**tch about our little ones.
Any way here it is..Lets see if it flies or sinks |
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Listener
Joined: 17 Jun 2005
Posts: 140
Location: Istanbul
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| Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2007 10:17 am Post subject: kids |
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Having kids in Istanbul is sometimes feels like goatherding on a cliff. Not that I've ever done such a thing, But I can imagine that the stress level is about the same...
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sandyhoney2
Joined: 01 Jun 2005
Posts: 189
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| Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2007 12:03 pm Post subject: Re: kids |
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| Listener wrote: |
Having kids in Istanbul is sometimes feels like goatherding on a cliff. Not that I've ever done such a thing, But I can imagine that the stress level is about the same...
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So you've never particpated in goat-herding before? Or you've never had kids? 
I hope this thread flies, because the info would be extremely useful. However, I'm hazarding a guess that the majority of users in here are early 20s, and not in the parent-stage of their lives. Thus I predict two or three replies (which will include startling tales of in-law behaviours...) and then nothing else. |
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calsimsek
Joined: 15 Jul 2004
Posts: 775
Location: Ist Turkey
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| Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2007 12:42 pm Post subject: |
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Well I don't know how useful this information may be, but until the end of the month You can buy a second Prima nappy thing? for half price at Migros.
For those of you without little ones this may seem like a small thing, but don't forget that it cost us parents of babies around 20-30 tl a week so that the rug rates can dump in our money....  |
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MEDRACER
Joined: 28 May 2007
Posts: 57
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| Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2007 1:00 pm Post subject: I WANNA BE A HOUSE-HUSBAND |
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We're planning to squeeze one out about this time next year. The idea excites me, but there's lots of issues I keep putting off at the moment: education in Turkey...home-schooling...the religion question...will they grew up perfectly bilingual or just babble in a mishmash of Turklish...
Somehow though, for all their shortcomings, I'd say that Turkish families produce kids that are infinitely more likeable than too many of their English counterparts. I noticed the same in Greece too, how at a very early age they get used to dealing with individuals of all ages, and there is a marked lack of spoilt-brat tantrums. On the other hand, their Geography is terrible. |
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gelin
Joined: 09 Mar 2003
Posts: 144
Location: Istanbul, Turkey
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| Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2007 5:31 pm Post subject: Have 2 |
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| Medracer, are you serious? Most Turkish kids are so spoiled and pampered that they have a hard time thinking about anything and anyone but themselves. There are now so many one-child families in Turkey for just the reasons you mention -- especially schooling, that the parents dote on them far too much, in my opinion. Does that make for better relations with other people? Not the ones I've seen. I can't compare to British kids, but can with Americans. |
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justme
Joined: 18 May 2004
Posts: 1944
Location: Istanbul
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| Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2007 8:08 pm Post subject: Re: kids |
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| Listener wrote: |
Having kids in Istanbul is sometimes feels like goatherding on a cliff. Not that I've ever done such a thing, But I can imagine that the stress level is about the same...
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That is often exactly what it feels like. My dislike of Turkish drivers has become murderous after a few close calls trying to cross streets with the little one-- and it's not like I'm inattentive; I've had people actually speed up as I was trying to muscle the stroller up the curb. The selfishness and pure idiocy is beyond astounding. I'll really like it when Ender is out of his stroller because it feels just awful having to push him out first, in front of me towards those pr*cks on the road.
Don't even get me started on strangers coming up and kissing his face or hands, or encouraging their snot-nosed brats to do so...
Ender wears cloth diapers, though he has Pampers or Huggies for going out, so tips like that are much appreciated, calsimsek. Diapers are damn expensive, and half the time he grows out of them before finishing the pack... |
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Listener
Joined: 17 Jun 2005
Posts: 140
Location: Istanbul
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| Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 6:57 am Post subject: |
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Hey Medracer and Gelin:
Ok, you need to distinguish here between the two types of kids in turkey.
1st you have your middle/ upper class brats whose parents are like "Aman Allah my son is gonna get sweaty, quick change his undershirt" while the kid screams "AAAAAANNNNNNNEEEEEE, i wanna/ needa/ gotta (fill in the blank)" and everyone cluck clucks...
2nd You've got some really cute and likable kids that remind you of those "Turkish family values" that you so admired when you first moved here.
As for religion and education:
If you let 'em get to you they will. If you are living in Istanbul both issues are easier to deal with. As long as you and your significant other are a team on these isues, everyone else can go jump in a lake! |
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tararu
Joined: 07 May 2006
Posts: 494
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| Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 7:04 am Post subject: |
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| How is the clothe diaper thing going? Most people laugh at me when l suggest it. My sister used clothe diapers for both of her kids. I think there should be a big push back to them. |
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justme
Joined: 18 May 2004
Posts: 1944
Location: Istanbul
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| Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 6:45 pm Post subject: |
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I'm really happy with the cloth diapers, not to mention the savings (about $400 for diapers that should last most of his diaper-wearing life and can be reused for a second baby, versus the about $2,000 disposeables would cost), the easing of my conscience, and hardly any rashes on Ender's sensitive tushy. The only rashes he's gotten have been from disposeables.
They're REALLY hard to find here though-- almost non-existent and very expensive. I expect those who can't buy disposeables make their own cloth ones (that's what my cleaner said she did). I had my mom bring me 2 dozen cloth from the US when they came here. And there have been a lot of improvements since our cloth-wearing days. Mine are shaped like disposeables with a pocket for the liner, and the whole thing goes in the wash. They're made to be more like disposeables, where they go on with Velcro, so they're easy to deal with-- no pins or folding or anything like that. Washing them is extra work, but Ender is extra work anyway so it's not that big a deal-- it took me about 2 days to get used to.
Honestly, I can't think of any good reason NOT to use cloth... |
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justme
Joined: 18 May 2004
Posts: 1944
Location: Istanbul
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| Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 6:59 pm Post subject: |
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As for religion and education:
If you let 'em get to you they will. If you are living in Istanbul both issues are easier to deal with. As long as you and your significant other are a team on these isues, everyone else can go jump in a lake! |
Easier said than done. The influence/interference of in-laws is unbelievable. I consider myself lucky that my MIL didn't get to name the kid (apparently that's often the done thing), as she would have chosen 'Ege,' and refused to listen to why this sounds like a totally crap name in English.
To be honest, I'm really working on an escape plan to get us all back to the US. The education thing is a big issue, and the in-laws are a constant thorn, plus a lot of other small annoyances that seem a whole lot bigger now that there's a little one involved. I have to say I liked it a whole lot better here when I was single, and dealing with the general chaos and unpredictability was a whole lot more fun before getting pg and having the kid. I know this would be true of life with a kid no matter where I lived, but I find the prospect of trying to raise this little fella in Istanbul really daunting and awful. I know the US presents a whole 'nother host of problems, but at least I can trust my support system there, and the problems are of the kind I'm used to negotiating... |
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tarte tatin
Joined: 02 Mar 2007
Posts: 247
Location: Istanbul
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| Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 9:37 pm Post subject: |
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Sounds like a good plan Justme. It has been obvious from all your post-baby posts that you have become increasingly unhappy here.
I have told my husband that the minute I am pregnant (if ever) I will be boarding a plane to England. I think any woman who stays to have her baby in Turkey is extremely brave.
I felt like no more than a paid actress at my own wedding, I was not consulted on one detail or allowed to make any choice. Although I had always got on well with my in-laws it really opened my eyes and I decided that the next big event in my life will stay firmly in my control and will take place far from Turkey.
I am coming to the end of a 10 week holiday at home and I can honestly say it has been the best 2 months of my life. Never before had I appreciated home so much!!
Is your husband privvy to your plans? Or will you take him to the US by force?  |
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MEDRACER
Joined: 28 May 2007
Posts: 57
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| Posted: Wed Jun 20, 2007 11:06 pm Post subject: Re: Have 2 |
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| gelin wrote: |
| Medracer, are you serious? Most Turkish kids are so spoiled and pampered that they have a hard time thinking about anything and anyone but themselves. There are now so many one-child families in Turkey for just the reasons you mention -- especially schooling, that the parents dote on them far too much, in my opinion. Does that make for better relations with other people? Not the ones I've seen. I can't compare to British kids, but can with Americans. |
I really dont find them so, on the whole. I find them exasperatingly incapable of spontaneous, individual opinion in the classroom as adults, and I'd say that is the result of the education system. Other than that I find them quite tractable. I dont quite understand, in any case, how schooling is to blame for one-parent families. In fact, I didnt really get the gist of your message at all...
Puzzled.
Oh God, a terrible thought has just occurred to me... |
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Listener
Joined: 17 Jun 2005
Posts: 140
Location: Istanbul
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| Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 5:49 am Post subject: |
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| justme wrote: |
Easier said than done. The influence/interference of in-laws is unbelievable. I consider myself lucky that my MIL didn't get to name the kid (apparently that's often the done thing), as she would have chosen 'Ege,' and refused to listen to why this sounds like a totally crap name in English.
To be honest, I'm really working on an escape plan to get us all back to the US. The education thing is a big issue, and the in-laws are a constant thorn, plus a lot of other small annoyances that seem a whole lot bigger now that there's a little one involved. I have to say I liked it a whole lot better here when I was single, and dealing with the general chaos and unpredictability was a whole lot more fun before getting pg and having the kid. I know this would be true of life with a kid no matter where I lived, but I find the prospect of trying to raise this little fella in Istanbul really daunting and awful. I know the US presents a whole 'nother host of problems, but at least I can trust my support system there, and the problems are of the kind I'm used to negotiating... |
Ah yes, the in-laws.... I suppose that I'm "lucky" in that my in-laws are athiests, but they still interfere like any other Turkish parents. I suppose that I am even more "lucky" in that when we refused to blindly take their advice about which country we should live in permanently (guess which one!) they disowned us, left the house and didn't contact anyone in the family for a couple weeks. I've never forgiven them for that, and they've spent more than a decade trying to make it up to me. They still try to push my buttons, but at the same time they are kinda scared of me, so I know it's not as bad as it could be.
you gotta be where you are truely happy and at peace. Once you do that, everything else will fall into place. I think a kid's future is much more affected by his parents' state of mind than the education system or other societal issues. |
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calsimsek
Joined: 15 Jul 2004
Posts: 775
Location: Ist Turkey
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| Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 7:26 am Post subject: |
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After reading some of the recent posted items, I realize that generalization about marrying a Turk still holds up well.
A man marrying a Turkish woman can have a great time here, but a woman marrying a Turkish man can go through hell...
Kids only add to this equation....The biggest problem I have with the in-laws is to keep them from doing too much for me...
My wife and I both work, so my mother in law takes care of my rug rat. Its free child care, from a person who gives unconditional love and attention. Yes he does play up a bit because of it, but I'd rather have her and all the problems that she presents than some person who's only real interest is the money I pay. I'm not sure if my mum back home would be so willing to make all the self sacrficies my mother in law does.
For all the problems the ''out-laws'' present they can be a great comfort. |
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