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Justin Trullinger · Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 5:10 pm Post subject: Define "partner."

This one came up on a recent TESOL course, and I was wondering what use of this word is like where you are.

I refer to the person I live with as my "partner," for a variety of reasons. We aren't married, so many of the usual labels are out, for accuracy's sake. But I'm not 100% comfortable with "girlfriend;" having reached adulthood some years ago, she is not a girl, and in any case, we're more than friends. Or maybe it's just aesthetic. "Girlfriend" and "boyfriend" conjur up images of teenagers and dates in the movie theater...

In many places, it hasn't caused any confusion at all. But recently, several participants on a TESOL course where I was a trainer, upon meeting my partner, were surprised to discover that she is, in fact, a woman. Based on the term, they had assumed that it was a same sex partnership.

Where you're from, or where you're at, what is a "partner?"

Best,

Justin

naturegirl321 · Joined: 04 May 2003 Posts: 9041 Location: home sweet home

In the USA, it has a certain negative connotation, usually homosexuals use partner to refer to their significant other. HOwever, in the UK, many people I met had partners and used that to talk about their significant other.

Justin Trullinger · Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 5:32 pm Post subject:

Is there a regional element in this, do you suppose? Americans from the east coast don't seem (in my limited experience) to assume "gay" for "partner," but midwesterners do...

"Significant other" is a term that I find a little funny. "Other" than what?

What other terms can we come up with for one's significant other?

Best,
Justin

naturegirl321 · Joined: 04 May 2003 Posts: 9041 Location: home sweet home

might be a regional thing.

MELEE · Posted: Thu Jun 21, 2007 6:37 pm Post subject:

My first instict is to think same sex partner, for the word partner. I am from the midwest. But I have met many people from the UK who use the word partner, even when they are legally married to the person! I've never liked the term partner, because to me the very first thing that comes to mind is a business partner. Or the other half of a pair of students in class! "Ask your partner 5 questions about what he or she did last weekend..." We are really in need of a new word here I think.

I usually use my husband's name, rather than call him anything. If you had said, "Jane, my partner", rather than just partner, there would have been no surprises. And in every reference after that you could use her name. I refer to my ex by just my ex (I've had people say, I didn't know you were married before... ...oh, well, legally, I wasn't) and his parents as my ex-father-in-common-law and my ex-mother-in-common-law. Razz

denise · Joined: 23 Apr 2003 Posts: 3419 Location: finally home-ish

For me it has connotations of either a same-sex relationship or dissatisfaction with other conventional labels. I also think it hides the romantic element--like business partners or classroom partners, as mentioned by MELEE. For that reason I don't care for it as a label.

On the other hand, I'm not one to advertise, "I'm in loooooooooove!", so in South America I really had a problem with the label "enamorado/a".

Regarding "significant other"--a few years ago in Japan, the director of my IEP program informed us that we were welcome to invite our significant "or, uh, insignificant" others to our staff party. Laughing

d

natsume · Joined: 24 Apr 2006 Posts: 409 Location: Chongqing, China

Hmmm, I don't know what the negative connotation with the word is in the US that naturegirl is referring to, unless it is negativity towards gays.

In the Bay Area, many straight couples refer to their SO as their partner, but it almost seems, to me, to be in solidarity with those who are choosing to not use traditional nomenclature. This is probably true for most urban areas in the US these days.

I'm straight, and personally will tend to use girlfriend roughly 80% of the time, I guess I am a little traditional there, and I'll use "partner" if I am trying to make some point about the solidity of the relationship with somebody I do not know well. (I've only ever used "significant other" ironically or as a joke.)

danielita · Joined: 06 Mar 2006 Posts: 281 Location: SLP

Glenski · Joined: 15 Jan 2003 Posts: 12844 Location: Hokkaido, JAPAN

This is a case, for me, where being PC falls apart.

Maybe it's old-fashioned (or aesthetic as mentioned earlier), but I prefer boyfriend & girlfriend.

Partner conjures up images of a sidekick, a business associate, a cowboy, or a gay couple.

Significant other seems ok when used if that person is not around to hear the conversation, otherwise it seems rude. Hi, this is X my S.O. Weird. (Significant other person in my life, to answer someone else's question about the "other".)

"Soulmate" is very dreamy, but also a touch unnatural to me unless you are describing the person in some emotional way, not merely as your GF or BF who lives with you.

"Live-in" is also strange.

Mate could be confusing when you are speaking to a Commonwealth person and you truly mean the GF/BF and not just a buddy.

tedkarma · Posted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 12:27 am Post subject:

I have to say that I too am old-fashioned.

I always say my wife is my "sweetheart" and she is. What's wrong with that? It imparts a sense of humanness and kindness and caring for the one you love. It makes you human!

We've been together 22 years - yet I don't mind declaring my feelings. Not PC? I don't care.

"Partner" sounds like a business relationship to me.

naturegirl321 · Joined: 04 May 2003 Posts: 9041 Location: home sweet home

COuldn't you just say wife? I know that you're not legally married, but you�re still committed to each other.

GambateBingBangBOOM · Joined: 04 Nov 2003 Posts: 2021 Location: Japan

When I think of 'partner' I think of:

1. same sex partner (like how the word 'lover' is used)
2. business partner
3. PC term for male female romanic relationship (combined with a little bit of the number 2)
4. Howdy partner! Yeeeeeee- Haaaaaaaw! (Rollin' rollin' rollin'/Though the streams are swollen/Keep them doggies rolling/Rawhide!) How y'all doin'? Y'all want some whiskey or somethin'? Yeeeeeee- Haaaaaaaw!

Gordon · Joined: 28 Jan 2003 Posts: 5309 Location: Japan

Simple solution is to get married and then you never have to worry about labels.

Honestly, nothing wrong with girlfriend or boyfriend, especially if you don`t want people to think you are gay, which many will assume when you say "partner". When you are 50, then girlfriend seems a bit strange, people may think she is about 25 yrs old.

Ahchoo · Joined: 22 Mar 2007 Posts: 606 Location: Earth

I always assume some business relationship.

Mike_2007 · Joined: 24 Apr 2007 Posts: 349 Location: Bucharest, Romania

Same as the above. Business partner. The word seems too cold to me to be used for a relationship involving emotions. If it were clear that the person wasn't talking about business I would also initially wonder if he meant a same-sex partner.