Job Discussion Forums

[tarte tatin]

Turkish nosiness combined with the fact that they never actually ask you about anything that you would like to talk about.

I think their interest in other people is fairly superficial - family, business , money etc.

For example I have just returned from nearly 3 months away and only one person has asked if I had a nice time. The only thing most ask is when exactly I got back and when am I going to see them.

When I listen to my husband on the phone talking to family and friends very little interesting information is exchanged. Just 'how is business?' 'what are you doing?' 'why havent you called me?' bla bla and the same questions repeated over and over.

When I first arrived here the only person who really asked me any interesting/genuinely revealing questions was my (now) father-in-law. He asked about my studies, my travels about books I had read etc. When my husband was translating my answers he was quite surprised because he also had no idea about these parts of my life.

[lovelace]

You've really hit a cord there with me. This is one of the things I find most frustrating and most enjoyable at the same time. I do have to admit Turks now how to relax and just be together and sometimes its great to keep the conversation light and fluffy.
But you're right, it's like they ask the marriage, job questions just so they can give you a place in their little world and then they don't want to go any deeper. Only a few Turkish people have asked interesting questions and they seem to be the eccentrics! The culture seems to be more about talking rather than listening. Also if you ask them more searching questions about themselves most seem never to have considered the answers.

[Golightly]

definitely a talking rather than a listening culture - that's why everyone sits round a table shouting over dinner, and has to say everything three times.
'Bak, bir sey soylecem, tamam mi...simdi, soyleyorum...tamam...anlatabildim mi?'
Apparently, it is considered extremely rude in some areas to interrupt someone's flow by saying 'I understand'. Equally, the question 'do you understand?' can be construed as implying that the listener is a bit dim.
So, to get your point across remember: talk loudly and repeat 3 times, OK?
And don't forget: Rephrase the manner in which you reiterate what you are about to declaim, and do so thrice!

[Listener]

I thought we were the only people who noticed this!!!!!!!!!!!! I am blown away!

In fact my Turkish husband almost never watches turkish news anymore because he's so tired of the announcer saying the exact same thing ... THREE TIMES IN A ROW!!!!! Yes, three! It must be a magic number that turns on the Turkish ear! And my mother in law...... AAAARG!

[lovelace]

And the way people say 'Gel, gel, gel, gel' over and over, to a child, or when you come into their home or are following them somewhere. It's not necessary! I'm walking in the direction you want me to! Shut up!

[Golightly]

There is this tendency to repetition, isn't there? You can't just say 'Tamam', you have to say 'Tamam, Tamam', or 'Hadi, Hadi', or 'Raki, Raki'

[Sheikh Inal Ovar]

No-one's told the tea man about this rule ...

"�AY, �AY, �ay, �ay, �ay"

[tarte tatin]

No concept of privacy whatsoever! Example:

A fairly traditional woman came into our office the other day with her younger brother. They seated themselves, the woman next to my desk. She lit a cigarette immediately then sat cracking her knuckles (in other words already getting on my nerves) when she suddenly noticed a piece of paper on my desk.

The paper was a confidential contract that I had placed under something else while it was waiting to be dealt with. It was in Turkish which I guess attracted her attention. She grabbed it, looked at it and then passed it to her brother for him to look at!

I have never moved so fast, I leapt across the room and prised it from his grasp. She just looked slightly mystified.

[justme]

It's very true. My husband still sometimes starts reading messages in my phone, misunderstands something in English, decides it means I'm either having an affair or saying bad things about him, then gets really mad at me. The fact that he shouldn't have been reading my messages in the first place never dawns on him.

Or when my phone rings, he comes bounding from another room to give me that questioning look with a little shake of the head to mean 'Who is it?' Wrong numbers are very suspicious.

Or when MIL comes to my house and starts rooting though closets and drawers, finding things and asking what they are and where they came from. She feels quite free to take things from my house to give to other people, and it's always a good idea to check the trash after she's left in case she took it upon herself to throw something away. You know, because I often confuse a drawer and the trash can and am forever putting things in the wrong place.

[tarte tatin]

I find it really annoying, this collective culture 'must share all information business' and I am scared it will rub off on me.

When I went home this spring I caught myself once or twice asking people more direct questions than usual. There is an Englishman in an office downstairs who has been here for years, gone native completely and he also asks surprisingly nosy questions.

I have noticed that although Turks like to ask nosy questions they are not as happy to answer them. My husband tends to give people fairly evasive answers. I think this is an accepted way of protecting information in collective cultures. In Turkey on the phone, people immediately ask 'what are you doing?'. In Arab countries they say 'where are you?' My last boyfried was Iraqi and everytime one of his brothers phoned him he would say he was in the supermarket!

[justme]

I really like it though, that 'İyiyim' is a good anwer to 'What are you doing?' Even after they've asked 'How are you?', 'İyiyim' still works for 'what are you doing.' Sometimes I just can't be bothered to speak Turkish, and sometimes I really am just being evasive, even if it's just to be deliberately frustrating. But my husband does it too, when someone calls and he doesn't want to talk. Such a pointless conversation!

Caller: Nasılsın?
Me: İyiyim, teşekk�rler, sen nasılsın?
Caller: İyiyim. N'apıyorsun?
Me: İyiyim, n'apım?
Caller: Ender nasıl?
Me: O da iyi.
Caller: Ai, canım benim! Tosuncığım! Keltoş, yerim onu ben, yerim... (at this point I take the phone away from my ear until the caller has finished because that high-pitched baby talk makes my skin crawl)... yerim, babaannesi sevsin, yerim!
Me: (waiting in silence for it to finish)
Caller: N'apıyor Enderciğim?
Me: İyi, n'apıcak?
Caller: Yaramazlık yapıyor mu?
Me: Yok.
Caller: (begins a similar verbal vomit of baby talk)
Me: (interrupting) N'apıyorsun, iyi misin?
Caller: İyiyim, n'apım?
And so on.

Sigh. This is why I like caller ID so much.

[dmb]

CARS PARKED ON PAVEMENTS

(this is my rant for the day)

a couple of nights ago we decided to check out bars, restaurants and tea gardens in our new area. It involved a 10 minute walk along the coast road to rumeli hisari. Have any of you walked it? It is well dangerous. you can not walk on the pavement because car owners are too bloody lazy to walk 20 meters. No wonder they are fat gits. Why cant they park somewhere that respects the other users of the road? Walking along the road I was getting a bit worried when the bus approaches you at 100 kmph and beeps you because you are walking on the road. I have no freakin choice because of lunatic lazy drivers like you.

Own up. any of you selfish drivers who park wherever they feel? tonight I will walk along the road punching every car and set off their alarms.

btw does anyone know if there is a law making it illegal to park on pavements?

[hobo]

[harry the hobbit]

Harry the Hobbit has noticed in Izmir's fair city this parking problem is acute and in too many streets it is impossible to walk down them using the pavement due to motors vehicles parked there .
He thinks there should be a ped power campaign to rid the pavements of parked cars , should one print lots of leaflets to slide under the wipers telling the car owners what lazy fat gits they are ? Do you think it would have an impact ? Would someone like to send a suitable message to this thread so that Harry can copy it and distribute it to those trangressors accordingly ? (Needs to be in Turkish of course )

Something along the lines of---------- Dear car owner ,

You have parked in a bad spot don't do it again otherwise your means of transport will be (insert a suitable phrase or sentence that might have the desired effect )

[dmb]

harry may like this story.

Last year in my old street a neighbour had an underground car park facility. The entrance clearly said 'No parking you lazy a$$hole' Guess what? On a regular basis this guy was trying to get to work at 7 in the morning only he couldn't because someone had parked in front of his garage. He beeped his horn, hit the car to set off the alarm. It didn't work. In the end he thought b@gger it and put a brick through the parked car's window. I passed by the next day and there was no car there..... It made me smile.