Job Discussion Forums

[senor boogie woogie]

Hola!

Do you think that your life as an ESL teacher is worthy of a Hollywood screenplay? Is it worthy of the Coen's, P.T. Anderson, Scorcese, or Altman?

I think my screwy adventures in Asia applies. I met and married a woman who did not speak a word of English, I live by myself in a small town where no one knows me. Even with Chinese standards the people here are wierd, plus I have met many foreigners, some strange as hell with their stories to tell. All under the influence of pollution, Qingdao, red wine and the very occasional cannabis reality.

I am the only foreigner in a city of provencial Chinese, the bizarre beggars, I have gone to weddings and funerals, my wife and I have loved and fought. We have seen a good Chinese friend in her 40s lose a once healthy baby after giving birth to a retarded child, the beggar with the monkies, and our marriage where I drink and she gambles. I love and hate China at the same time, but am unwilling to leave this land for the boring USA or other places. I should not be here, but yet, I am here to tell a story that should be told to sheltered people who do not have the balls to do what we do. I could write a story that makes "Two Rivers" look like a coloring book.

This is another thing I am going to do in 2004, write a book.

SENOR

[been_there]

Dammit, the publishing market in 2004 is going to be crowded. I was just thinking about all the weirdness I have seen and done. It would be more Abrams/Zucker/Abrams (Airplane!) than Scorcese. Maybe a bit of George Romero...

Scene one: A young white boy wakes up fast in a small village in Nepal because a cow has leaned in through his window, knocked all his pots and pans onto the floor and is licking the coffee grounds out of the pot. He pushes the cow out the window. On the way to school, the neighbors yell at him for being mean to the sacred animal.

Scene two: The young teacher gets bacterial dysentary and teaches in 15 minute increments interspersed with dashes to the disgusting school facilities (imagine the worst, spattered, smelly hole in the ground you can. It is worse).

Scene three: On top of a bus traveling to the capitol city. A young local climbs out onto the roof while the bus is moving to try to improve his oral language skills.

Yeah, this job is too nuanced for a movie. A book is the way to go, otherwise, it's just "Volunteers II."

[Capergirl]

I'd love to do a film about what it was like to be in South Korea during the "IMF Days". Of course, I'd have to include what it was like to do a "Midnight Run" at that time as well.

Alternate film: A National Lampoon-style comedy about the events that occurred after I was struck by a bus in Taiwan. The accident itself was no laughing matter, but when I tell the story to friends and family members here, they seem to find it terribly funny (to the point they think I'm making it all up, but you just can't make stuff like that up ).

[Roger]

Ingredients in my movie/book:
- Meeting a genuine American "popet" in a CHinese city park and
being offered a job in a local college - a dream about to become
reality!
- The "reality" turning out to be a nightmare: The school is run by
remnants of the Red Guards who to this day and age sprinkle
their conversational bits with Mao "wisdoms"; I finally get dumped
by the Evil One (one of four principals);
- I loiter around the train station of a nondescript town in S China;
some slick young man approaches me, offers me to find a new
job (since I am out of job and money(; he walks me to a primary
school, then telephones someone from the janitor's cabin. Five
minutes later, he walks me to an office highrise and introduces me
to "The boss". IT's a SHE, beautiful, tempting and much more. I
don't understand everything being said between the two of them,
though I do understand a fair bit; anyway, I get hired by the lady
to do "12 hours a week for 3000 RMB) a month. Mind you - that
was top money then and there!
A week later, I meet The True Boss". It's the not-so attractive,
rather rotundly built husband of SHE. He had quietly changed some
key terms: 12 hours A DAY, and salary was 2500 a MONTH.
I do NOT walk out! But I do not accept his terms either. We sort
of compromise! And, the "school" is the biggest in town, though it's
not a primary school - it's a training centre! It simply rents rooms
from public schools!
- Meet girlfriend no. 3. A most eventful episode begins. It ends ten
months later, one month after she had undergone abortion; and, no, I
was not the father of that unborn baby. YOu can imagine things!
Anyway, for the curious: she spent a couple of nights away from
my (our) abode; once she didn't even want me to know her
"friend"s phone number. My birthday happened three days later;
we had a lovely party, and later she told me she had had some
adventure with someone... C'est la vie - il faut etre toleant!
- Shenzhen: Half a year still, and then Hong Kong is going to be
under Peking's control. for the last time, I see posters on housing
estate walls, with a proclamation in Chinese and a hideous red
mark on the bottom, - public notices of executions that have
been carried out recently! There are many of those in that last
year, and the police are super-busy collecting vagrants, tarts
and other undesirables, bundling them into vans and deporting
them. The city in June of '97 looks un-Chinese: so tidy, clean,
free of any antisocial elements...
- my old flame from Hong Kong has renewed our relationship
with me, upon learning that her RIVAL had cleared the field.
Amazing, how quickly such news spread! Anyway, she is happy
to visit me at the most inconvenient times, since HK is so near...
- I buy a home property; you know every year when your contract
exires you don't know where you are going to live for a couple of
months. I have made up my mind to stay INDEFINITELY (although
I keep telling myself it's only for a few more years, then resell my
home AT A PROFIT...). My HK flame is terribly sweet and charming -
and extremely helpful in the transaction. She actually suggest I
allow her to co-sign the ownership documents... I am beginning to
worry.
- I have to pass muster in Hong Kong: The Flame's mother, two
brothers and one elder sister ogle me in a dim sum eatery,
chattering about me in Cantonese.
To my surprise, the Flame later tells me "you have been accepted
as my husband..." My heart nearly stops beating!
- Meet another girl. Soon, she shows me her divorce booklet: To my
horror, she has divorced her husband, some 30 yeas older than
herself, just a couple of days ago, - IN ORDER TO MARRY ME.
I am moved by this naive and frank admission! But...
- The Flame arrives one evening at 11 p.m.. The divorcee is
having a shower, and... The rest is a most humiliating experience!
A couple of days later, I am missing money in foreign currency -
the Flame must have taken her revenge!
For everybody, of course! Mainly my fault, I guess!
- The naive girl and I marry (again: my fault!).
- I work in Hong Kong - and make complicated moves to avoid
seeing the Flame who is friends with my landlady!
- Two years in a British-dominated international school and all
the hassles, happenings and happinesses that go with this:
extremely spoilt upper-high-brow expat kids, bratty young Chinese
kids with uncles and fathers in the USA and mothers dabbling in
shares, Macau casinos and houses; long commutes every weekend
to my mainland home.
- the missus starting to fall apart: first she quits her job. Every
time I come home she is lying in bed, moaning, moaning...
Or she is gambling. Meanwhile, the kitchen is gathering grime,
the carpets are getting dirtier by the day, and the clothes need
washing... I put in a 250% working time, doing one-and a half
teaching jobs and a full-time household job.
- Maybe it's good I have a job in a college away from home.
This certainly saves me a lot of worries, quarrels and dis-
cussions about funds the missus wants from me.
- Forgot to add she has a lovely daughter. Most of the time, her
daughter is not here. When she is here, she and I get along well,
and I feel proud of her. IT's another thing with her mother: she
wants even more babies, but she does not want to submit to a
child's needs: for food, she gives her 3 kuai and tells her to buy
what she likes, and when the girl is out of funds her mother is
nowhere to be found. I pity the wretch, but am unable to look
after her. That's why she eventually ends up staying with her
father who is about 70 years old!
- at this stage, we can all hope for a Happy End. The End is not
near yet, though!

[Roger]

..."American 'popet'..." read POET

[yaramaz]

Goodness, and I thought my life in Turkey was a soap opera! I don't even have the time or energy to start explaining the intrigue....

[khmerhit]

a colleague of mine can be seen in the film, city of ghosts, starring and directed by matt dillon. His name is Ian "snowy" woodford. After ten years in that wacky country, he has returned to Oz. He could write a book or two.

[kimo]

This could be a long running series on TV maybe. One friend of mine who has been at this for about 30 years all over the place was once given an AK47 in Northern Iraq by some Kurds and told to shoot anyone who tries to come into his room at night. Don't know how long ago that was, but he sent me the picture. He didn't have to use the gun.

[Wolf]

My life is boring. Working stiff Maritimer tries to make a go of paying the bills after university, and ends up laid off. Takes a job that he thinks would tide him over while he tries to upgrade his skills.

That must be the life story of half the world's Nova Scotians.

[denise]

My colleagues and I had a pub discussion one night about making a movie about teaching in Prague. There was no real focus on any one individual--it was more of a "group" thing, with an ensemble cast. Someone suggested Claire Danes for my role. How flattering! Not that I look anything like her or have any actual acting talent... My character would probably end up being really ho-hum. Outlandish things just tend not to happen to me.

d

[leeroy]

Bluh-dee-hell...

Why, oh why, would anyone want to put themselves through living in China?

There must be something good about it to balance everything I hear on this board - and see of Chinese students where I am...

[Capergirl]

@Roger...Get a script off to Tarantino, ASAP. I think you have a winner there.

[Slim Pickens]

X

[Roger]

thanks, friends, for nominating me of all people for a Hollywood flick. I told you so far a rather abridged version of my life here. In Shenzhen, during the lead-up to Hong Kong's hand-over, the police raided my home 3 times in 3 months... reminded me of George Orwell!
But the best thing about this story is: it's true, and it continues to unfold, and as it continues to unfold it also continues to thrill me. I can safely say, life is absolutely not boring here!

[MELEE]

Hollywood just might be interested in one of my stories, but me and my job would be a minor part. The main characters would be my parents, played by Jack Nicholson and Carol Burnette, the story would be their trip to Mexico (their first trip abroad) for their odd ball daughters wedding. It would be similar to About Schmidt, but with a lot of slap stick a la the Home Alone movies.

It would not be something you'd call a flim, but I'm sure Hollywood would eat it up.