Job Discussion Forums

[denise]

I know the phrase "settling down" has negative connotations, but still, I think at some point I will need to--although on my own terms, of course.

I just got back from a few weeks in the States, visiting family and friends. It was great to see them again, but the one nagging thought that kept following me as I slept on spare beds and couches was that I don't have a home anywhere. I'm not craving property and mortgages and furniture and whatnot, but I would like, for a change, to be able to answer this most basic of small-talk questions: "Where are you from?" without scratching my head and wondering.

I love the freedom I've got, and though I sometimes look at what my friends have in their lives ("normalcy"--homes, cars, etc.--funnily enough, though, not one of them is married yet) and think that I could have those things too, I always come to the same conclusion: I am happy with the choices that I've made, and if I were stuck in some lame office job in the States, no amount of normalcy/assets would make it OK.

I haven't felt too much pressure from my family. They've already got grandkids, and my brother's family lives just a couple of miles from my folks. My mom did seem a bit sad, though, when I told her I'd be in Japan for another two years or so.

I don't know how long I'll stay away from the States. I do know, though, that I don't like the thought of being single forever. (NOT that I want to be shackled to a man--I just really like the thought of finding that one person with whom you want to share everything in life--and who returns the feeling.)

d

[shenyanggerry]

Denise, I understand your dilemma. I was born and raised in one Canadian province, lived most of my life in a second and now am trying to put down roots in a third.

I love teaching in China one semester a year. I also feel a lack of roots. I really don't recommend EFL as a profession for those who value their heritage.

Somehow, I feel that the young TEFLers I've met were akin to my great-great grandparents who left Scotland to come to the New World. They left everything they loved behind for a chance for economic freedom.

As I grow older, I realize how important family and childhood friends are to a truly fulfilling life. I can visit my former high school friends. They have married, raised children and now have grandchildren. We don't have much in common anymore.

When I was young, this was unimportant. It is now.

That being said, I enjoy life and live a hedonistic lifestyle.

Sometimes it sucks!

[foster]

I can relate to the feeling like everyone has changed so much and that you no longer have anything in common, but I also think part of the problem is that I Have changed due the experiences I have lived through overseas and they cant relate to me. My friends and sister are very jealous of my travels and my life here and they constantly say how brave they think I am to be here and to have moved so far from home. Most of the time, I dont feel brave. I feel as if I ran away.

I call my friends and I send emails faithfully and if I am lucky, I get forwards back from them and one line "sorry too busy to write" emails back.

Everyone wants me to come home, but for what?? I am not going to be able to move back to small town Saskatchewan and be a farmers wife *shudder*

[psychedelic]

Hi nomadder,
Good question. No, we don't have to. It depends on the person..their values,goals,aspirations etc. I was also just home for Christmas vacation in Northern California,and also went up to Southern Washington state. The economic picture is ROUGH in both states. Can you imagine 20% of the jobs leaving friggin "Silicon Valley"? I like cats..that's a cutie in your avatar!

Have a good one!

[James_T_Kirk]

Once again, Nomadder has raised an intriguing topic.

[Laura C]

Foster, you are so right. Everyone I know at home tells me how 'brave' they think I am to just work at home for a year, then quit and go travelling with the money I've saved. I can't get it through to them that, for me, it would be much more frightening and take much more courage to stay in Belfast doing a job I don't like, or in a relationship I'm not happy with. It amazes and saddens me when I go back to my home town and see all the girls I grew up with, with their 10 year old kids, never having left their home town. OK, people could argue that it is arrogant to think that, and that these women are the happy ones, as they are settled and have the kids, but surely you must see some of the world, if only to know thay you want to settle in your home town?

L

[johnslat]

We get - as far as I know - only one chance to see this planet, and it never fails to amaze me how many people pass up this unique opportunity. Lack of curiosity? Fear? Indifference? Ties that bind? Inertia?
Maybe all of the above, and likely more, reasons. But I've never regretted spending 23 years of my life abroad. Perhaps some of us are born with a "wanderlust gene" while others aren't.
Regards,
John

[BethMac]

The most critical ones or the ones who are the biggest advocates of the Settle Down Campaign are probably merely jealous of the freedom and the adventure you have (or had). Many of us grow up thinking that we must have a mortgage and a car payment when we become adults, otherwise we are just perpetual children. Honestly, I don't care if I ever own my own home. If that makes me immature or irresponsible, so be it. I just want to experience what life has to offer and a mortgage payment isn't going to help me to achieve that goal.

[dmb]

"Never a lender or a borrower be" Having been in debt when I was at university. I decided to try and live my life acting on this. Getting a mortgage is basically a huge big bank loan that I'll probably never pay off. Who wants the stress of living a life in debt?

[FGT]

Having a mortgage is actually a very good way to guarantee your continuing freedom to travel etc.

I have a mortgage on a house in the UK which I let to friends. They pay the rent which covers the mortgage while I live and work in Turkey. In the year 2010 the mortgage will be paid off and then I get the rent as income. I can continue to live here and continue teaching if I wish, as I probably will. It seems to me the very opposite of a tie - it provides absolute freedom and security.

[guty]

Have to agree about the mortgage being a liberation not a tie. I spent a few months in Mexico not working, courtesy of my rental income. Its also my pension, as like many EFL teachers I have no state nor private pension.

Back to the topic, I think the interesting point is not when you start caring about what other people say or think you should do, but when you start thinking about whether you are doing the right thing yourself.
But I imagine that this is not so much a lifestyle issue but a stage of life, i.e whatever, wherever you are doing there comes a point in your life when you wonder if there is a different way which would be better. I think in the TEFL world this comes just before you realise either
a) I want to spend some time in my home country before I completely forget what its like and can never go back
b) I would never be comfortable living in my home country anyway, so I better get used to the idea that Im probably going to spend the rest of my life as a foriegner.
Im just getting used to (b), and the fact that my childrens lives will be sooo different from mine.