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Foolsboy
Joined: 30 Mar 2003
Posts: 12
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 Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2003 6:05 am Post subject: Where are the good women? |
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I found myself writing this on a lonely weekend night. This should be something for the snide to sink their teeth into.
I posted a similar post in the Russia forum, but I�m going to post here too. Try not to laugh at this post too much, but let�s be honest. A lot of us guys out there know that one of the main reasons we went into TEFL as a career was to find a good woman. This may seem silly, but for those of us single guys out there who plan to marry one day, it is a huge and important decision, and it would be smart not to limit our options to the women who live wherever we come from. I�m not saying that the desire to explore and experience nature, different languages, and different cultures or just wanting to experience something new or to escape from something aren�t reasons we went into TEFL as well. I�m also aware that there is a strong desire to learn the intricacies of applied linguistics because we all know that that is a powerfully alluring Siren that is nothing short of futile to resist.
Alright, well, I realize there are good women in every culture, but what I�m trying to find out is where a young decent looking, nice, and somewhat funny Western man like myself has the best chance of finding a good woman. I�m not talking about marrying hastily. I�m just trying to find out where a single guy like myself who plans to marry one day before the atom bomb drops has a good chance of finding a good woman.
I wouldn�t be looking elsewhere if I didn�t think that Western women had the upper hand and that most of them are looking to take even more. Maybe this is wishful thinking on my part, but I�d like to find a place in the world where women don�t feel like they have to constantly compete with men or where women don�t think they always have to be right. Or where they don�t think that the word �housewife� is an insult or that men just want to keep them down. If there�s a place in the world where a lot of women can love and trust men, then I�d like to find that place. Excuse me if I sound jaded and cynical, but this has been my experience with Western women anyway. I know every Western man and especially most of the Western women don�t feel this way.
Well, my idea is as an EFL teacher I could go someplace that has a whole lot of good women looking for a good man, get to know one really well, and then eventually marry her and either stay there if we were happy or more likely bring her back home with me or to wherever we might both want to and be able to go. I�m curious and would like to explore, and I�d want to have somewhat of an understanding of the land and culture where my elusive mystery woman has been hiding out all of these years, and I�d also want to have enough time to get to know her before I hooked her up with that highly sought after shrine, the green card.
So here�s what I�ve been getting at. For those of you men out there who have had romantic relationships/marriages with foreign women that you�ve met while living and working abroad or for those of you out there who have known or know men who have had romantic relationships/marriages with foreign women that they met while living and working abroad, what was it like? Did it work out, or is it working out? Why or why not? For those of you who have been there, would you do it again if you could go back in time? For those of you who have known or know of such relationships, would you advise the guy to do it again if he could? In short, where are the good women of the world to be found? Thank you for your thoughts and time. I hope this topic gets some good responses. |
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Glenski
Joined: 15 Jan 2003
Posts: 12844
Location: Hokkaido, JAPAN
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| Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2003 7:06 am Post subject: |
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| A lot of us guys out there know that one of the main reasons we went into TEFL as a career was to find a good woman. |
I wouldn't go so far as to say they are looking for "a good woman". The sad truth is that many men get into TEFL because they just want to date foreign women, perhaps because they figure their chances are high of finding a woman who will date them only on account of their foreignness. We've all heard the same stories of "that" particular ethnicity being full of loose women.
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| I�m not talking about marrying hastily. I�m just trying to find out where a single guy like myself who plans to marry one day before the atom bomb drops has a good chance of finding a good woman. |
Well, considering that many EFL teachers don't stay more than a couple of years in one place, my first piece of advice is establish yourself somewhere comfortable, and prepare yourself for the long haul. If you only have it in your mind to find a woman of your dreams while you work short-term, and then sweep her back home, think hard about that. Yours is not the only culture in the world.
And, if you think now that you're just as likely to stay in her homeland, I suggest that you evaluate your present situation very carefully. Retirement in a foreign land may not provide you a legal pension or medical benefits. Raising mixed heritage children is a major issue in some foreign countries. And, if you are in the teaching business only to find a wife, just how long do you figure you'll stay in that business, or what are your other options?
You may find it reasonably easy to live as an English teacher in a foreign land because you are required to work by using your native tongue and little else. You may also think that once you've found that dream woman, all you have to do is move back home, but consider what repercussions lay in wait for her. She may very well not have the same situation as you when/if you relocate back home. You may have had fun in a foreign land with sightseeing and dating and such, but if she goes back home with you as a spouse, the scene changes drastically.
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| I wouldn�t be looking elsewhere if I didn�t think that Western women had the upper hand and that most of them are looking to take even more. Maybe this is wishful thinking on my part, but I�d like to find a place in the world where women don�t feel like they have to constantly compete with men or where women don�t think they always have to be right. Or where they don�t think that the word �housewife� is an insult or that men just want to keep them down. |
I think you are going to catch a whole lot of flak over these remarks. I'll just say that of the 150 million women in the USA alone, you should realize that your sample size has been fairly small.
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| Well, my idea is as an EFL teacher I could go someplace that has a whole lot of good women looking for a good man, get to know one really well, and then eventually marry her... |
So, you're not treating your teaching seriously, is that what you mean?
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| If there�s a place in the world where a lot of women can love and trust men, then I�d like to find that place. |
You are lonely tonight, and it reminds me of a person who goes grocery shopping on an empty stomach. He/She just buys more stuff than needed. Don't put all the blame on western women; perhaps there is something else that has put you in your present situation.
As for finding women, let me give you my take on those in Japan. Lots of guys come here and figure they can score with them. Many do score. There are lots of Japanese women who want a taste of foreign men, but the men don't realize some of the aspects of that relationship. Japanese women can use foreign men, either as status symbols or just part-time lovers or English practice, etc. Many have never left Japan and know about foreigners only from movies and magazines (not exactly the most accurate information in the world). Many Japanese woman fawn over any foreign man who practices the "ladies first" attitude of chivalry, and many guys use that to sucker the women into a relationship. If it develops into something stronger, both parties have to consider the next major hurdle in the cross-cultural life they lead, and that's the Japanese parents' attitude towards a mixed marriage and mixed heritage children. Legal issues lay hidden, too, where even if a foreign man married a Japanese woman, he is not listed on her family register in the same way as a Japanese husband. The list of problems goes on and on. I'm sure there are similarities in other countries.
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| For those of you men out there who have had romantic relationships/marriages with foreign women that you�ve met while living and working abroad or for those of you out there who have known or know men who have had romantic relationships/marriages with foreign women that they met while living and working abroad, what was it like? Did it work out, or is it working out? |
Yes, mine is working out quite well, and I believe the reason is simple. We were both old enough to have had a lot of life experience, and we talk a lot. Also, I didn't come to Japan to look for a wife. Even so, I know my share of people who married Japanese women, moved back to their home countries, and divorced within a few short years. Intercultural marriages are frought with more pitfalls than others. You will have to be on your toes all of your life. That ache you're feeling now doesn't stop with the wedding ring on her finger. |
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Sherri
Joined: 23 Jan 2003
Posts: 749
Location: The Big Island, Hawaii
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| Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2003 7:15 am Post subject: |
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So let me see if I understand correctly--in your opinion a good woman is:
1. not western or from a western country
2. willing to always let her husband have the "upper hand" and "be right" all the time
3. longing to be financially dependent on her husband (a housewife)
4. not interested in being treated equally
As an American woman (obviously I fail to be a good women--see #1) who has lived abroad for over 20 years and is in an international marriage, I am afraid I will disappoint you with my answer. Men and women are pretty much the same the world over. There is no one country which is "someplace that has a whole lot of good women (your definition) looking for a good man (you!)". By all means teach, travel, meet people, some you will like, some you won't. You may even get lucky and meet a woman who meets your standards--it's a big world out there. |
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zakiah25
Joined: 09 Feb 2003
Posts: 155
Location: Oman
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| Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2003 8:10 am Post subject: agony aunt's reponse! |
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I think that you would have been better off curling up in bed with a good book! Murphy for instance, at least it would have had some added benefit to improve your knowledge of Grammar otherwise you should have gone into one of those "chatrooms" to look for your "soulmate"!
Going into TEFL to find a good woman! Oh, please! Get a life! |
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yattsukeshigoto
Joined: 26 Mar 2003
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2003 8:52 am Post subject: |
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oh come on this has to be an april fool's post . . .
"I�m also aware that there is a strong desire to learn the intricacies of applied linguistics because we all know that that is a powerfully alluring Siren that is nothing short of futile to resist. "
If the rest of it doesn't ring alarm bells, that should. |
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itslatedoors
Joined: 17 Feb 2003
Posts: 97
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| Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2003 9:01 am Post subject: totty |
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| Eastern Europe is full of totty and I don't blame the original poster for wanting a foreign bird.American women,who are not famed for their svelte shapes, tend to come with balls attached and deep voices. Try Poland,Russia or the Czech Republic for real beauties,who aren't weened on pizza and a diet of Germain Greer.Getting into ELT to find a woman seems a bit on the desperate side though... |
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scot47
Joined: 10 Jan 2003
Posts: 15343
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| Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2003 10:52 am Post subject: Why can't a woman be more like a man |
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