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geaaronson



Joined: 19 Apr 2005
Posts: 948
Location: Mexico City

PostPosted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 9:05 pm    Post subject: parental support Reply with quote

Parental support is so important to all of us and for those of us who get it automatically, it`s often taken for granted. But having had several friends whose parents have given them no support at all in life, I can see how much more difficult it is for them to come to terms with themselves and their life`s choices.
Particularly upsetting for me was a lifelong friend whose parents were unskilled workers and sought a career in communications. He went to college and worked alternately as a portrait photographer, journalist, TV editor and TV stationmaster, but always had a difficult time with his father who could not understand why his son just did not find satisfaction in becoming what his brother had become, a finished carpenter.
Others of us have gotten partial or restricted support from our family but enough to proceed with our plans. I had long wanted to escape to foreign countries but could not resolve what to do with my extensive belongings as my parents always made it clear that storage in their domicile was not an option. About three years ago I put my foot down, got angry, and insisted on storing my stuff in my mother`s basement. She relented, rather begrudgingly and as far as I had hoped, indefinitely as she had plans of living in that house until her dying days. She had had a change of heart a year and a half ago when she had several medical complications and decided to move from Baltimore to upstate New York to live in the same village as my youngest brother who was intent on taking care of her. As she had no room in her tiny apartment, my goods went to the basement of my brother`s house and he treated the matter as a great imposition.
I`ve had other friends whose relatives and parents have had no problem with storage. Those relatives are much more farsighted than my own in realizing that now there is an additional reason for visiting the folks. So unless you have relatives who are able and willing to incur these additional responsibilities or if you have your own home in the states, then you will have to resolve what to do with those childhood momentos, books, sporting equipment, etc. that you have accumulated over the years. You can always bring everything with you to your new country, but then given the fact unless you have a permanent position which will enable you to remain in one place for several years, you will be on the move in a foreign country with a truckload of goods.
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tedkarma



Joined: 17 May 2004
Posts: 1598
Location: The World is my Oyster

PostPosted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 9:20 pm    Post subject: Re: parental support Reply with quote

geaaronson wrote:
So unless you have relatives who are able and willing to incur these additional responsibilities . . .


There are lots of reasons for people to not act on their goals and dreams. And pretty much everyone has a closet full of excuses.

But - bottom line - it's your life and unless you want to spend all of it blaming someone else for how it goes/went - well . . . it is really UP TO YOU.

A good rule for expat living is to NOT impose additional responsibilities on your family or friends unless you wish to unduly strain those relationships. Renting a small storage space doesn't cost much - it that is the issue.

Only my opinion - but choosing a life overseas for a short period or long period should not mean any additional hassle for anyone - except maybe yourself. It is part of growing up and being an adult to look after yourself and your things - and to not put that responsibility on someone else. If you need to pare down that pile of stuff - then do it - because you will be quite surprised how little most of it will mean to you once you have been away from it for a couple years.

When I first headed overseas I stored a LOT of stuff. I came back a few years later and sorted through it and about 2/3rds of it headed off to the Salvation Army. I couldn't comprehend why I had saved most of the stuff.

From storage facilities to mail forwarding services there are workarounds for almost every logistical excuse for not making it work.

Just my rant for the day . . .
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geaaronson



Joined: 19 Apr 2005
Posts: 948
Location: Mexico City

PostPosted: Sun Mar 09, 2008 9:46 pm    Post subject: answer Reply with quote

Storage is not the most viable option. I was living in Atlanta, Georgia when I finally made the move. I was paying over 50 USD a month for storage. I kept the goods in storage for 6 months and then retrieved them, putting some in the family house, the other half took with me in my vehicle.
My first year in Mexico my income came to less than $5,000 USD. You do the math. Anyone with any business sense realizes that such an expenditure is a foolhardy one, considering the incredibly low income. I spent over 15 percent of my income on storage and then at some point had to return to Atlanta to retrieve and move my goods. Clearly you recognize that is not a wise option that I would advise anyone else.
Fortunately my income has tripled but then again why store goods and pay good money for that service?

No, I did not make excuses. I almost moved to Ireland in 1980, but chose not to as there would have been no way to do it legally. Ireland was the only country at the time I was interested in residing. I am not interested in a situation in which I am living in a foreign country subject to being summarily expelled. That is my decision.

There is a point at which people do not explore their dreams because they realize the risk and the eventual benefits would not be advantageous.
They explore the options in their head and realize that they are better off after all in staying put. They continue to think about the dream and when there is ample opportunity, they make the move. Perhaps in your case, you made the move when the opportunity came to you very quickly, or you were in a position to make the move with minimal difficulty. Perhaps you are independently wealthy or have a sizeable nest egg that easlily facilitates such a move. Good for you. Not everyone is in your benign situation.
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773



Joined: 29 May 2005
Posts: 213

PostPosted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 1:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

To the OP....I was a year younger than you when I left the US for my first overseas experience, in the Peace Corps in sub-saharan Africa. My family was up in arms. I was told again and again how terrible my decision was to leave. My mother was hysterical, even my father cried when I left (that was the first time I had ever seen him cry). My grandmother lectured me over and over about how distraught I was making the family, and how could I do that to them? Letters followed after I had left, urging me to come home again. It was awful but I stuck to my guns and did what I had always wanted to do. I had the experience of a lifetime and met my British husband there, who was also a volunteer (VSO). I am SO HAPPY that I went through with it.

That was in 1996, and all I can say is that living abroad has become my life now. I lived at home for a year after I finished the Peace Corps (1998-1999) and got married then, but both my husband and I soon realized that the overseas life of being on our toes and having new and interesting experiences all of the time had gotten into our blood too much to remain in the US. So, we decided to leave again, much to the horror of my family (again!). It was very stressful telling them we were going again, and the good-bye at the airport was awful and something I will never forget. My husband turned to me at the airport after an emotional good-bye with my family and said, "You know, we can always go back..." but we left, I was so happy that we did!

From 1999 till now we have lived and taught in the Middle East, Northeast Asia, and then went to Australia for a year to up our quals with a Masters in Applied Linguistics. Now we are in the UAE and loving it.

We will never return to the US or UK. This is the life for us. My family has gotten used to us being abroad now (they should be, it has been 12 years!) but I still get strange questions from relatives about when we are going to "settle down" and "what about a 401K" and blah blah blah. But I am not interested anymore...I have learned to do what I need to do in my life and to not have any concern over what others think about it. My life is overseas, and I couldn't live my life any other way. The experiences I have had since 1996 have been unbelievable and I wouldn't trade them for the world.

I will always remember when I was getting ready to leave for the Peace Corps in 1996...so many people my parents' age told me how envious they were, how they had wanted to do the same thing when they were my age but then something always held them back. Pretty soon they were married, had kids, etc. and never had the experience of going abroad.

You are very young and at the prime age to go abroad....I say to go for it, to hell with people who think they know you better than you know yourself. Follow what you want to do before you get too settled at home and find it more and more difficult to leave. You may regret that in the future.

Go for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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geaaronson



Joined: 19 Apr 2005
Posts: 948
Location: Mexico City

PostPosted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 7:16 pm    Post subject: living abroad. Reply with quote

Congratulations!!! That is a fabulous story. Yes, I was in the sixth grade and the teacher assigned us the task of drawing architectural plans for our dream house. I drew a home typical of West Africa with a wraparound porch and realized then and there that I wanted to live abroad at some time in my life. My dream came true at the age of 55.
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johnslat



Joined: 21 Jan 2003
Posts: 13859
Location: Santa Fe, New Mexico, USA

PostPosted: Tue Mar 18, 2008 8:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Follow your heart - but take your mind with you.
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MO39



Joined: 28 Jan 2004
Posts: 1970
Location: El ombligo de la Rep�blica Mexicana

PostPosted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 12:04 am    Post subject: Re: living abroad. Reply with quote

geaaronson wrote:
Congratulations!!! That is a fabulous story. Yes, I was in the sixth grade and the teacher assigned us the task of drawing architectural plans for our dream house. I drew a home typical of West Africa with a wraparound porch and realized then and there that I wanted to live abroad at some time in my life. My dream came true at the age of 55.


So, geaaronson, have you ever thought of moving to West Africa to fulfill your childhood dream?
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