Job Discussion Forums

[onesentiment]

I have a kids class with four 4 year old students and the parents as guardians during each lesson. One of my students went all-out on his pregnant mother yesterday.

Here's what happened: I asked everyone to please take out their books so we can all read together, but the mother of one of the boys said, "wasureta"... and that's when all hell broke loose. Out of pure anger, the little boy started hitting his mother. I tried to give him my book, but it didn't work and he started hitting harder and harder until he hit her in the face... the mother started crying. I've never seen a little boy act so violent(and I've taught over a few hundred) and it all happened so fast. I didn't know what to do as I was trying to get along with the lesson and move the attention away from the situation. For about a minute, the kid kept hitting his mother and screaming until I finally had enough of it and pried the little boy from his mother. I'm definitely against family issues and trying to fix them, but I felt I had to do the right thing for my class and stop the little boy. The mother powerless and somehow I felt it was my fault and still feel really bad for what happened. That's the reason why I came here on eslcafe... to seek a little bit of guidance from the teachers that have been in this situation or can provide anything that can prevent/stop the situation from escalating.

Thanks in advance.

[Apsara]

Wow, sorry I can't offer any advice, but I can't imagine what kind of family situation would lead to a mother being powerless in the face of the attack of a 4-year-old, or such hostility from the 4-year-old.

[GambateBingBangBOOM]

[cornishmuppet]

The best thing to do in this kind of situation I think is to just sit back and let the parent deal with it. If the parent isn't there, get someone Japanese like a school secretary. The kid will probably take no notice of you or build up a resentment towards you if you handle it wrong. Chances are they've never been disciplined in their life and they won't take kindly to someone who looks different and speaks a different language trying to do it.

While there is a chance that the kid has ADD or some other learning/behavioral problem, it is more than likely that he is suffering from that common problem in Japan, spineless-parent syndrome. I once witnessed a four/five year old scream at the top of his lungs for a good half an hour during a class while his mother tried lamely to reason him into calm. It didn't work. All the while his (younger) sister waited patiently to start the class. Now, had that been me, I would have been taken outside the class by my loving and caring but equally non-sh&t taking mother and given a damn good telling off.

I recently was engaged in a conversation with a drunk Aussie guy who told me he'd never raise a kid in this country because it produces nothing but w&&res and mummy's boys. After 18 months in an eikawa I would have been inclined to agree, however after teaching in the public school system from elementary through to high school, I found that outside of eikawas not all kids in this country are mollycoddled, spoilt and brought up inside a ball of cotton wool, but that the vast majority are well disciplined, well-mannered and intelligent kids. Its just a shame that working in an eikawa exposes you fairly regularly to one negetive end of the spectrum.

[onesentiment]

[Hoser]

Sounds like the mother is the problem. I'm sorry but if a four year old can drive you to tears through physical violence then there's a problem there. If my four year old had done that to me I would have taken him out and spanked the **** out of him.

[GambateBingBangBOOM]

[wayne432]

I've actually heard of stories from friends where 4-6 year olds (usually boys) did stuff like that. One actually punched someone pregnant (not his mother, just one mother in the classroom) in the belly.

Usually when stuff like that happens, I grab the kid, sit him in my lap, and proceed to lock down all his flailing limbs. After that, I continue with my lesson. I only let him loose once I feel he's calmed down and okay.

[shuize]

If I could manage to restrain myself from drop-kicking the kid across the room, I would have told the mother she needs to deal with him before I can continue, stopped the class and waited.

Unless the mother was in real danger (which I doubt), it might have been better to leave the room to let her and the other parents handle it.

[dove]

I would have stopped the class for a second and told the mother to take the kid out. No judgement, no anger, just tell her to take him outside. His behavior (and her tears) distracted the class which is not fair to the others.

[shuize]

[onesentiment]

[reasonJP]

[cornishmuppet]

I always found shouting at kids in eikawas a complete waste of time, especially if you have no back up from the school. I once shouted at an eight year old girl in a class of four because she threw a chunky wooden jenga block at my head, full pelt, from about a metre, on purpose. And it hurt. So I layed the law down, but from then on the girl who had been previously nice on the majority of occasions became a complete nightmare and refused to take her book out, do her homework, do ANYTHING in class, and would sit there each week constantly spitting "baka" or "shine" at me for the hour. It became a complete power struggle. I tried the whole give extra praise thing whenever she did do something, but nothing worked. The other three girls didn't know where to look, and when on asking the secretary to speak to the parents I received a shy, "er, no". One of a number of reasons why I eventually quit the school.

[southofreality]