Job Discussion Forums

[elkarlo]

When iw as in Japan, one of the more frequent questions I got from girls was "do you have a GF?". Not sure why I got that question, as I did nothing to warrent it, and I wasn't flirting either. To top it off, I'm fairly sure they weren't intereste din me either.

Now in America my female tutor(online, I plan on going to Japan this March to teach) is always giving me dating tips and advice. "Say this to your GFs parents" or "girls like this". I never asked her. Also when ia sked about using Boku/Ore, she said girls like Ore guys, becuase they seem stronger. Which really wasn't where my question was going.

So do Japanese girls love to do mtach making or something? I can't think of why I get this, and it is kinda funny.

[Apsara]

I believe the "are you married/do you have a girlfriend?/boyfriend" question is partly just to make a conversation, and partly out of nosiness.

This isn't unique to Japan, I was in Bali recently and was asked by many locals if I was married- I don't think any of them were either interested in me or trying to matchmake, it's just a standard question they ask. I have had the same kind of question in other parts of Asia, and even Egypt as well.

Japanese people also often seem to ask questions of foreigners that they wouldn't ask a fellow Japanese, and your relationship status is often one of them.

[elkarlo]

[Conor_Ire]

I think some japanese girls are facinated with western people and the culture. Alot of the questions you get are ones which they could never ask another japanese person, especially about relationship status. I know my girlfriend from japan is constantly people watching and wondering whether or not someone is married or do they have a girlfriend or boyfriend. Once she asked one of my mates when he was going to get married with his girlfriend, that's a touchy subject for any twenty something male, but she genuinly wanted to know lol. In the case of my girlfriend , she's always making guesses and and assumptions about people ( in an innocent way ) and she always wants to find out if she's right. Yeah it's funny , she just can't help herself most times with the questions. My stratagey is never be straight forward , always make them guess everything , your age , relationship status , how many brothers and sisters , pets , everything!! Hours of fun!!

[Apsara]

I agree with the above. It's not so much a casual conversation starter as a general nosiness (I don't mean that in a bad way) and a fascination some people here (definitely not all) have with the lives of foreigners. I find that more sophisticated Japanese won't ask that kind of question- it's kind of a teenager thing to ask, and JHS and HS kids will often ask this question.

Conversely some questions that are seen as quite normal in Western countries are not really appropriate unless you know someone well- "What do you do?" i.e. job, and "Which university did you go to?" are two questions Japanese people won't generally ask each other unless they know each other fairly well.

[GambateBingBangBOOM]

[Apsara]

I really don't think it's all that common a question among Japanese people over the age of 17 (or with a mental age over 17). I've certainly never heard my husband ask anyone their relationship status- not even me when we first met!

Japanese people are decidedly vague when it comes to jobs. "Company employee" supplies all the information needed apparently, even when talking to the authorities. There was a fire in our building recently and the fire department and police were going around getting details from everyone in the building- name, age, occupation- seems all of us are company employees.

[JL]

"They are almost definately not hitting on you."
Well, I wouldn't summarily dismiss that possibility either. Though for "people they are actually attracted to... they will more often than not get one of their friends to ask and report back", of course, also happens often.
I will say this, females are far more interested in asking you this, than males are. And since you are a young and eligible male, that's a good thing!
Just make sure you keep the question in context with with all the other verbal and non-verbal cues you might be getting, or not getting. You'll figure it out.
And I'll say this too, about Japanese females (actually, I'm just passing on what another guy counseled me, many years ago):
Though ultimately, as the guy, you'll invariably have to make the initial move in asking a girl out, the girl will actually somehow "signal" to you first, that she's interested in you.
The girl will make the first indirect move, and then its up to you to make the first direct move. I don't care how many other posters here disagree with me. If you learn to observe Japanese cues, you'll see for yourself what I'm talking about. Over 90% of the time.

[wayne432]

[Apsara]

It can depend on the situation and who you are talking to. My husband calls himself "ore" in some situations and "boku" in others.

Some men will use "watashi" in certain situations as well- mostly older men in more formal situations or when talking to women.

[elkarlo]

[elkarlo]

[elkarlo]

[elkarlo]

[AgentMulderUK]

Expect to be asked blatantly personal questions a lot more.

None of it means anything. Just talking points. Sometimes their command of the language doesn't allow them to ask in a more subtle manner.

"Western" people do ask you stuff like this, if you think about it, but they do it in a (very) roundabout way, as we all know where "the line" is and how not to cross it.

After all you are just a visiting novelty and not real. Same way you get recorded or watched by cameras with no regard to your personal freedom.

Good eh.

I still like it though. :p