Job Discussion Forums

[VelaenOscuridad]

I decided last fall that I wanted to teach English abroad, probably in Taiwan or Latin America. Then I got engaged. Now I feel like a huge jerk for even thinking of leaving my fiance� (she is still completing her degree, and doesn't want to ever leave the U.S. anyway).

Did any of you leave someone behind for an entire year? Did it make your entire experience miserable? She is very angry at me for thinking of going so far away, but I don't want to wake up when I'm 45 and hate her for holding me back.

Was anyone else in this position when you left to teach abroad, or know someone who was?

[naturegirl321]

We done it twice. Both while married. 10 days after we got married, he left to move to Lima, which was 15 hours away from the city I was living in in Peru. He was looking for a job. did that for 5 months.

Last year, I went to Seoul, which is 25 hours by plane, did it for 3 months. We fought the whole time.

But we're probably going to do it again. I'm looking for work in Seoul and will probably be there 3 months until he gets his visa.

About Latin America, you won't make much, and Taiwan has big start up costs. That in itself is stressful on top of living apart.

A year? I wouldn't do it. You might end up breaking up. If you don't go, like you said, you might be bitter. What about a winter or summer camp? there are plenty out there. You go abroad , but for less time. Asia and Europe have summer camps.


Was anyone else in this position when you left to teach abroad, or know someone who was?

[SueH]

[Madame J]

Absolutely. I am planning on heading off to the other side of the world for the full year, leaving my boyfriend in England for the duration (though he should be able to visit at least once). He is very career focussed, and is unlikely to ever want to leave the UK for any significant length of time. We are a very strong couple and so I firmly believe that the relatively minor matter of a year (a mere drop in the ocean) won't be enough to cause any real problems, even though it will undoubtedly be a challenge.

The main thing is, he knows me well enough to realise that this is something I've been passionate about doing for years, far longer than I've been with him, and that if I didn't on account of him then, as you said yourself, I'd only wake up in another 20 years regretting not taking the relatively small amount of time out of the (physical) relationship. You are NOT a jerk for wanting to do the same. Au contraire, if my fella wanted to hold me back from doing this then I'd start to wonder if he was in fact a bit of one.

It's extremely reassuring to find others in the same position, anyway. Certainly when I did my CELTA, everyone on the course was either single or with partners they were planning to split up with or with partners they were able to drag along with them. I think you have to be fairly sure of your relationship's standing in the long run to put it through such a test, and if you're planning on marrying this lady, it sounds as if you are.

[Madame J]

Ooh ooh, I know I've wittered on enough already, but you asked for some examples of people who've actually done it, too (or you implied it?!), and I realised just after posting my reply that I do. A couple I know were separated (physically, natch) for a year when one went to study abroad for a year (US to UK), after having been together just a year. They lasted. Also, a friend of mine returned to England from her year in Central America, leaving behind her boyfriend of less than a year that she'd met over there but vowing the relationship was important enough for them to make it work. She's been back here since September, having returned once for a visit, and they're still together. She'll be stuck here until June/July, making it not quite the full year but certainly close enough.

Chin up eh!

[VelaenOscuridad]

Thanks for the encouraging responses! I like the idea of a summer camp - is that more of a way to spend money or make money, though? I may have a seasonal job as a school photographer here in the States if I stay, so a way to make money AND live abroad in the summer would be fantastic.

Anyone have experiences with these summer camps?

[naturegirl321]

[guty]

Don't want to rain on anybody's parade, but in my experience, for every couple who last a year long separation, there are many more who dont.

It may depend on how long you have been together before you go, but what if you like being abroad? Then what do you do? Have a whole life in different countries?

If she is angry at you for wanting to go away, but you really want to go, how compatible are you anyway?

Sorry if this sounds a little harsh, but it is a real decision you will have to make, and you are smart enough to realise that this might cause problems further down the line anyway.

If you want to go, then do it, but expect there is a chance that it will damage you relationship. On the other hand, if you don't go, that may also do the same.

I have been in a similar position, going back home and leaving a girlfriend behind. Long distance relationships are very hard to do successfully.

I don't envy your position.

[denise]

[Madame J]

[fladude]

In all fairness I can see being upset if my spouse planned to take off right after the marriage and go to Asia for a year by themselves. I don't know that I'd be angry, but I would call off the marriage. I just wouldn't see much point in marrying someone if they were going to be gone for a year. It defeats the whole point of marriage from my perspective. I'd be better off being single then deciding on whether I wanted to marry them or not when they got back to the USA. If I was still single at that point we could start going out again if we wanted to.

As for her not wanting to leave the US ever... Once I learned that I'd break up via text message from a bar someplace.

[JZer]

[JZer]