Job Discussion Forums

[starteacher]

There seems to be a lot of sour grapes amongst members, and usually it is because of cultural differences, or put it another way, misunderstandings.

Here are some of the things that have come my way when living in Japan :

1. I threw some trash out all mixed up. My neighbour without telling me apparently had been rummaging through my bags and sorting out the plastics and the burnables and bottles into different bags, and putting them out for me. It was only after a few weeks I realised this.

2. When I was lost, I asked a pedestrian with my destination address scribbled on the paper. The pedestrian phoned to what appeared to be her brother, who came only a few minutes later, we got into the car and they dropped me off (using their navigator system). Never saw them again.

3. After 3 times when I was not home, my parcel was eventually delivered to me on the 4th day at about 10pm in the evening. The sodding thing for me was that the person who came to deliver it was about 60 years old, and I was bothered to open the door because I was halfway through an action movie.

4. My bicycle had a puncture so I got it fixed by the local shop, who came to my apartment picked up the bike and took it to the workshop. About 2 hours later, they returned and I paid what seemed peanuts for 2 hours work.
A few days later, the puncture happened again. But I could not be at home. So they came over and picked up the bike, fixed the puncture, fixed the gears, as well as the brakes., tightened the screws to all the joints including the wobbly basket, and when I came back in the evening the bike was already back in its place. An envelope was slipped in the mail box, but thinking it was a bill, it turned out to be an apology.

So whilst I don't understand many of the things that go wrong, I find it harder to understand the things that go way too well.

How about you ?

[fluffyhamster]

I wouldn't say sorting our your garbage for you was necessarily an act of kindness - more like patience (didn't you receive or pick up a city hall guide to local services written in English?). Same thing really with the need for four attempts at a delivery (why didn't you prepare a few phrases, with the aid of a dictionary if need be, then try calling the Takyubin or Post Office or whatever number - assuming one was left on previous attempts - and simply state who you were/where you lived and when you'd be in to receive it? One doesn't have to be super-fluent in Japanese to get such things done - I am living, "speaking" proof of that!). But you're right about the level of service in Japan - the guy at the shop I bought my bikes (went through a few!) from did a fair bit of work for free; then again, I was cycling 60km a day on average (boy did that help make my sangaku-jime deadly!) and therefore often stopping by for new tyres, brakes etc.

Your post's reminded me of the bit in C.W.Nicol's Moving Zen when he notices a little well-tended shrine-like grove in his village, and learns that it's the site of a grave for an American aircrew killed when their bomber crashed during the war. I might dig it out and quote some of it (it's a really good book, one of a whole batch that I recommended previously, here: http://forums.eslcafe.com/job/viewtopic.php?p=696416#696416 ).

[starteacher]

[fluffyhamster]

Oops, 'sorting out your garbage' (I really need to reposition my keyboard, to stop me hitting the wrong key sometimes!).

I would imagine that your neighbour ultimately did it more as a favour to the garbage collectors (I've lived in places where every resident was bombarded with countless letters exhorting everyone to be more conscientious in putting out "their" rubbish, despite the fact that there was likely only one offender (and no, it wasn't me!) ~ communal obligations seem stronger in Asia), and that he/she was actually relieved when you finally realized what you should've been doing yourself. But by all means view it as an act of kindness (I myself don't know your neighbour, or if you e.g. had a laugh about it between mutual thanks and apologies with he/she assuring you it was no big deal (or whatever else did or didn't transpire)). Me, people didn't need to clean up my garbage whilst I was in Japan, and it being Japan, obviously I didn't have to clean up anyone else's (there were no other foreigners living nearby). I guess in the UK I (like most others) wouldn't be too bothered about cleaning up other people's mess (unless it was becoming a health hazard, and then I'd be calling the council), and I can picture some people would actually be offended if they found that you were "messing with their stuff/mess" LOL. I occassionally pick up litter though if I know a bin is nearby. But I'm a kind person I think, generally and especially when really needs be e.g. I gave - not lent - $100 a few times in China, from my newbie $400 paycheck: once to a Chinese colleague who'd been pickpocketed of her entire wages (a measly $80 or something, but it was everything to her); and once to a Chinese friend who was obviously really short of cash (cos he'd asked if he could borrow some). But nothing super-heroic (yet) or anything (does tackling other people's thorny grammar problems count? ).

[Glenski]

[Conor_Ire]

[starteacher]

I raise a thread to look for some niceties that exist in Japanese life, or simply just to raise a thead for positive thinking rather than a constant barrage of negative thinking. Even though there are so many quirks and misunderstandings, but they are pounced on with cynical and ironic remarks. But I respect all replies made in the forum. For I also jump to conclusions too. We cannot always know the full picture hence there is always the temptation to "I think" or "I would expect" or "Maybe it is because ".

There are always difficulties and misunderstandings wherever you are, even in your home country. You may even have more difficulty accepting what is in your home country than what is in another country. The moment something happens outside of "your control", then it's "them" who is wrong, not I. Well, "they" have been living here probably longer than your own country had even been discovered yet.

I've approached this by not thinking about the REASONS as to why things are done, but to appreciate that they are done for a good reason. In a nutshell, it is not for me to reason and expect but to respect. Hell, things could have been done for bad intentions, but I'd take my chance in life to live to make my world and my day where most people do good things rather than bad things, and if bad things are the result then it is of the misunderstanding and misgivings from one or either party. And I'm sure most members are good generous warm kind people even if they disagree with me.

So this approach has made my various travels around the world really pleasurable. Maybe even in the countries of some of the forum members too. Of course there are setbacks, but that only serves to reinforce things are only as good as how you see them. Heck, one day I would like to sit in my rocking chair (not yet there but sometimes feels like it ) and reflect on the good things rather than still hold onto irrelevant wasted thoughts.

(PS : My posts often use "you", "they", and other pronouns are generic, not specific to any member in particular).

Thanks for the listening to the "sermon". Peace (in mind) to you all.

[Chris21]

I once went window shopping for a Lazy-Boy chair in Yokohama after finding the distributor's address online. It turned out that I mistakenly went to the distributor's offices and not their retail space. When I showed up, the staff informed me of my error and a nice 72-year old man who hadn't retired yet, drove me 15 minutes in his car to the right place.

[pastis]

Japanese people on the whole are decent, kind and honest. They're not perfect or above reproach, but basically anyone who likes to spend much time b-tching about them is a waste of oxygen.

[fluffyhamster]

Here's a good one that I heard during my stint on JET: A fellow JET, when asked by her Japanese supervisor if she had any Japan-specific interests, said that she might try a bit of kendo, quite liked the look of it, that sort of "vague" wording (not at all vague if you speak/are English. She certainly didn't say 'I used to be a shodan as a child in the US, but look how my body has grown and developed <flutter eyelid flutter>, making my old suit too small and therefore unworthwhile to ship. But I'd really like to pick the sport up again, provided I can afford an adult suit on the pittance us JETs get'). Anyway, before she knew it and could shout 'Nooooo!', her supervisor had rushed out and bought her a full suit of kendo armour (which would've cost at least a few hundred bucks). I didn't quite hear the end of the story, but I suspect that she didn't exactly then want to start let alone continue with the kendo (for fear that word would get around that she was indeed keen as hell), or to ask her supervisor to return the gear and get his money back; the suit likely gathered dust and mould in her closet for the rest of her stay.

Now, was that an act of kindness?

But being serious for a moment, the point I think still is that Japanese people will often do more for us than seems necessary, if we (have had to) "ask" them, or appear in "need". But of course their uberhelpfullness is usually an admirable trait when not taken to extremes (and thankfully I haven't heard of any other instances of people ending up saddled with kendo armour), and who doesn't appreciate being literally shown where places are in a country that doesn't have quite the clearest street address system (that being said, I sometimes go a bit out of my way even in the UK, when tourists ask me where a hard-to-direct-to place is).

[gaijinalways]

I've had one person who was very kind with helping me in the hospital. Unfortunately, my wife was laid up, and when I tried to visit at night, I couldn't find anyone who could tell me where she was (in English and Japanese that is, at an International Women's hospital). And yes my Japanese was pretty bad at time (well, it's still pretty bad, but better now).

Anyhow, I stumbled into a visiting nursing student who had come by, and she volunteered to help me. She at least got me steered to the right ward, where upon I found my wife's aunt, and eventually the correct room.

A little kindness does go a long way.

[reactionary]

Trying to use the Osaka metro ticket machine the first time. A young girl (her reluctant boyfriend behind her) offered to help, but there was an English function (useless) on the machine so I shoo'ed them away to sort it out myself.

Couldn't figure it out, but the two had walked maybe 15 M away and were watching me to make sure I'd be alright, haha.

[Appletreesrtall]

During my first 2 weeks in Morioka, I was really bored and lost, so I decided to talk a walk and just explore. I went all throughout Iwate Park (right before the flower viewing time), and I was havin' a time taking a ton of pictures. I noticed two ladies were walking rather slow and just... staring at me. At first I was pissed off. I'm a 6ft amerasian gal, and I know I stick out like a sore thumb, but it still can just be agitating. They both came a little closer, and nodded their heads down to me. Putting my original feelings aside, I nodded as well, saying hello. This then brought them to open up, because they actually wanted to talk to me. I told them I had just arrived, and then the other lady started frantically searching through her purse. She pulled out a small package of a local mochi-treat, saying its my "welcome gift", and the both bowed down and said "Welcome to Morioka". I was just in utter shock. They left shortly after but... damn... just for being a newbie, they were soo nice and open-hearted.

[voltaire]

I once sailed to Okinawa from Yokohama. We all slept in a great big room on the carpet in the cruise ship male and female, gaijin and human alike. They kept the lights on all night. Most Japanese are friendly drunks but there was this one guy right next to me the only gaijin. Not a friendly drunk and with I'd estimate 55 per cent alcohol in his blood.

He was sitting up and yelling horribly rude things. Not to me, but to mankind at large. I didn't understand a word but I'm sure he was saying things like FTW! Or possibly 'Death to the Emperor' and 'I hope this ship sinks and you all die!'

Worst for me, he kept kicking my legs and back. The other inmates saw I was about to cock him in the snoot, as they say, and intervened. Do you know what they did?

Some guys playing cards invited/gently forced him into the game, They helped him hold his cards up, suggested plays, even as he still shouted at us all. They gave him snacks, lit him a cigarette, and by gawd, they even gave him a few more glasses of sake!

He calmed down eventually, and I do mean eventually, and finally dozed off.

Hatred is never conquered by hatred. Only love can conquer hatred. This is an eternal rule: so said The Buddha.

[starteacher]

Hey guys, keep them coming. Use these stories for any classes you take. I used a few today in one of my elderly classes, and they were so eager to talk and affirm what happened. I think they feel appreciated that us gaijins notice and appreciate their gestures, although they also say they ask for nothing in return.

One of the elderly ladies brought in a huge box of "manju", which are rice dough pastries with sweet paste fillings. She seemed to comment it was gift from her friend who had visited some other part of Japan, and she wanted it to share with us instead of at home The manjus were a bit sticky especially as we didn't have anything to drink, I'm getting a feeling that the class could end up being picnicky from now on (maybe it is the warm summer weather), and that must be a god thing. But I guess it means I need to bring something to the class next week other than my teacher's manual. So I better go and look for some food made overseas .. Tam Tams I think ?