Job Discussion Forums

[foster]

Ok..since we sort of started a LDR list on the Exotic partner thread, let's branch off shall we?

Being an ESL teacher/world-traveler/explorer of nations, have you left someone special behind or been left behind by someone and how did it work?

I broke everything off before I moved to Japan, although he clung to the hope that I woudl return (sucker). Now, I have met someone in Australia who is lovely, but will NEVER move to Asia. I love Australia, but the lure of the HK wage is too high now. I am an incredibly faithful person and feel guilty now even when out with the girls and some guy talks to me (Yeah, like that happens often).

What are the PROS and CONS? (some starters below)

PROS:
Freedom (not to do as you please, but that your partner is not always around)
Not purely physical relationship
A connection to the outside world that has nothing to do with where you are

CONS:
Lack of physical contact
Phone bills and cost of flights
One is a net addict and the other abhors emails and IM-ing. *sigh*

Sara said:
PROS:
You can cheat at your leisure then claim fidelity
You can continue to date other men and dump long-distance buddy when another, bigger fish comes along (but be kind, blame it on the distance)
There's no need to go out on expensive dates.
Intimate moments on cyberspace can be better than the real thing (supposedly)

CONS:
(The opposite of above for the loyal)

Personally, I'd never trust anyone without a short enough leash.

[bayabule]

I know several couples, now happily married with children, who started off with long distance relationships. I myself have never been able to make it work though. I think you really need to work hard at it.
Another CON: paranoia (yours and/or theirs)

[yaramaz]

Due to my incredibly transient life style, I have had quite a few long distance relationships over the years. One worked... but then we encountered huge problems when we moved in together again and realised we had moved in very different directions. We are still friends though. We were on and off, long distance and living together, for several years. Other ones werent quite so...mmm.... successful Usually I kept up my end of the bargain but they didn't. Oh well. Win some, lose some.

As a side note, now that I am nearing 30 and my friends are either nearing it as well or passing it, I am hearing more and more about cravings for stability, for a home, for some sort of permanence. A few are thinking of moving back to Canada after a decade in Japan or Taiwan. I always needed to be Away, moving, looking around, but this year I am feeling too unrooted, too unconnected. I want someone to come home to... hell, I want a home to come home to!

Anyone else feeling this? Can you deal with long distance relationships better when you are younger and more optimistic and in theory fancy free? Or do you need the experience and knowledge that comes with age to be able to handle it wisely?

[Shaman]

It was a long distance relationship that got me into this biz in the first place. We broke up 2 weeks after I had arrived and luckily, within that time frame, I hadn't found a job yet.

Whew!

After that, off to Japan I went. I haven't had an LD relationship since.

Shaman

[Guest]

I AM A LOT OLDER THAN ALL YOU GUYS, BUT I FIND MYSELF IN THE SAME SITUATION. I HAVE A PARTNER (OF 4 YEARS) IN AUSTRALIA AND HE IS ONE OF THE PEOPLE WONDERING WHAT THE HELL I AM DOING HERE.

HE VISITED ME FOR A MONTH LAST JANUARY AND I TOLD HIM THAT I HAD NO INTENTION OF RETURNING TO AUSTRALIA TO LIVE AS I HAD TOO MUCH WORK TO DO HERE. I DON'T THINK HE REALLY BELIEVED ME, BUT HE WILL HAVE TO FACE IT AS TIME MARCHES ON.

I CANNOT SEE HIM LIVING IN CHINA LONG TERM SO I AM TRYING TO ENCOURAGE HIM TO MEET OTHER WOMEN. I DON'T THINK I HAVE THE RIGHT TO ASK HIM TO WAIT FOR ME - IT WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF I HAD A TIME FRAME BUT I DON'T. AS FAR AS I CAN SEE IT, I WILL PROBABLY STAY HERE UNTIL I KICK THE BUCKET OR AM TOO OLD OR ILL TO WORK.

I AM NOW 100% COMMITTED TO MY ORPHANAGE AND LEAVING THEM IS SIMPLY UNTHINKABLE. I HAVE TO TRY AND DRAG MY ORPHANAGE INTO THIS CENTURY AND BELIEVE ME, THAT IT NOT EASY.

YOU WILL NOT REALISE IT UNTIL YOU GET TO BE MY AGE, BUT THE INTEREST IN THE OPPOSITE SEX DOES NOT REALLY GO AWAY WITH AGE.
THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE OLDER THAN YOURSELF AND EVEN THOUGH YOUNG PEOPLE THINK THEY INVENTED SEX, I HAVE NEWS FOR THEM.

I MYSELF WOULD NOT SLAM THE DOOR ON A NICE MAN (CHINESE OR OTHERWISE) IF HE SHOULD COME MY WAY WHILE I AM IN CHINA. I AM ONLY FLESH AND BLOOD AFTER ALL.

I THINK LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPS ARE DOOMED FROM THE START - JUST MY OPINION.

[Joachim]

I think I'm with you Rhonda!

By the way, where in China is your orphanage??

[Guest]

I LIVE AND TEACH AT THE FOREIGN LANGUAGE SCHOOL IN

ZHANGJIAGANG - WHICH IS 3 HOURS NORTHWEST OF SHANGHAI

(IT TAKES 3 HOURS BY BUS - AS THE BUSES ARE OLD ENOUGH TO VOTE)

THE ORPHANAGE IS WITHIN WALKING DISTANCE OF MY SCHOOL.

[Marcoregano]

I agree that Rhonda is talking sense. An English friend of mine here in HK struck up a telephone relationship with a German lady a couple of years back. It worked fine at a distance but then if it's at a distance it isn't a proper relationship, as he found out to his cost. He upped and left HK and his job and went to live with her in Germany. 4 months later they realised they couldn't live with each other and split. Now he's back in HK.

[Brooks]

these relationships can work, but if the two people aren`t in the same country, it can be tough.
I don`t think absence always makes the heart grow fonder. Especially when one gets back with an Ex.

For over two years, I had a long distance relationship with my girlfriend. She lived in Osaka and I work in Tokyo.
We started living together this month.
I won`t miss my high phone bill.
Nor will I miss those shinkansen rides, or having to pay for hotels.
I felt like a seasoned Japanese businessman, since I took the shinkansen so much.
I used to get questions about traveling in Japan from Japanese teachers.

Now I need to buy furniture but I bought the appliances (including a bigger refrigerator).

[Lanza-Armonia]

I can't believe I'm gunna say this...

Well, myself and my lass I left back in the UK came to an agreement. We'd put things on hold, do what we want for the time that I'm away (ANYTHING) and hit it off again when I return. This was mutual.

LA

[Kitegirl]

[Lanza-Armonia]

Hey KG. I feel there's no right or wrong answer on this one. If you're enjoying yourself, what's wrong?

LA

PS... We seem to have a lot of 'girls' on Dave's now, Caper, Kite, Nature.....Interesting conversations to follow I feel....

[James_T_Kirk]

Kitegirl, I have a ton of respect for you. You are my hero. You are so right, no matter what, even if you meet the man/woman of your dreams, you still owe it to yourself to follow your heart. I am glad that you are doing so right now. In just a few months, I will be following my heart, leaving my corporate job, and returning back to the TEFL world; I can't wait!

Cheers,
Kirk

[Lanza-Armonia]

<<<=== rips open a box of kleenex

[chinook]

Well, I've had a LDR and it worked ok. We spent a year apart and while the first few months living together after that year were a bit difficult, it all settled down again. we've since had 2 months apart once, but the next big test is coming, because i want to go to korea for a year and he doesn't. so it will be another year long distance.

i do think that it can be frustrating. the freedom of being single tends to put you in situations where you meet fun people who you could see yourself dating, but you can't. and at the end of it all, you may just find that you passed up oportunities with those other people only to break up with the LD partner in the end anyway.

but i also think that where there is some sort of defined length apart, it can work. a year isn't such a huge deal, as i found last time. but i suppose if i loved korea and wanted to stay longer... well, LDR can only survive so long i think without hope of being physically together in the nearish future.