Job Discussion Forums

Nobuhle · Joined: 14 Apr 2003 Posts: 17 Location: Xi'an, China

Some of the things that are going through my mind relate to what people have posted in the "Anybody scared of going home" thread, but...

I lived in South Africa for 2.5 years doing educational work. I was home in the US for 6 months. I am in China now and will be leaving in June after teaching here for a year. I will be home for 4 months. I am then going into the Peace Corps to be an ESL country in an unknown at-this-time African country. I am a teacher, so I am following my career, but in the non-traditional fashion.

For the last couple of months, I have been asking myself what am I doing. Where is all of this teaching and living abroad taking me? I know one day, I will want a more stable life. Am I teaching around the world because I don't want to settle down? I don't think that is true. I think I am doing it because it is just my personality. I want to see the world, experience different cultures, and feel like a citizen of the world. But I still question the future. I know the decisions I am making at the moment are right for me and returning to the US permanently would not be a good idea, but I want to know that I am doing all of this for a reason, and that is something I do not have an answer for.

Are my feelings normal? I would think a lot of us in this field go through these same emotions, but I don't know. I am sure I won't get answers to my questions until that 'moment' in the future arises that explains why I did everything that I did, but I hope other people have these same fears and doubts and that I am not alone.

Thanks for your understanding and openness.

Erica

yaramaz · Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 8:55 am Post subject:

What you have described sounds perfectly normal to me (though I am hardly the standard of measurement for such things). If you want to see the world and learn more than you could ever fathom, keep on moving. If that is what keeps you happy and sane then that is the path to follow. I frequently question my sanity---- why must I always be away, be moving, be in strange places, be far from my home and family? I make my life so difficult and complicated on purpose, it seems...

Why don't I get a nice teaching job in a Canadian High School (my original plan-- or at least one of them), with my own home, car, stuff, spouse, blah blah, blah? In the dark months of winter I often want to jump ship in search of such stable comforts. However, as I have said before, I know I will feel deeply restless within days or weeks of semi-settling down. I have been like this since I was a child and assume it is how I will always be. Not everyone works the same way. I think maybe you are similar. Hell, I think most people posting here are similar, otherwise we'd be writing from our job at Costco in Arkansas, swapping stories about Stuff We Bought and our fear and suspicion of foreign things and foreign people.

All of your work is experience and learning. It is not wasted time, nor wasted energy. It is your path and it will lead you where you need to be. Do not assume you must do it in a standard A-B-C route.... go via China or Zambia or Siberia: if you want to eventually settle down, you may find yourself settled in Vladivostok or Lilongwe rather than in the US. And you may be happier for that.

Does that make sense?

denise · Joined: 23 Apr 2003 Posts: 3419 Location: finally home-ish

Erica,

You're certainly not alone! I love teaching, and I love living in different countries, but... For me, the biggest fear is of being alone--never finding the right man. The problem seems especially severe here in Japan, for reasons that I don't want to rehash (the whole western men/Asian women issue--leaves me feeling pretty lonely!).

d

Cleopatra · Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 11:45 am Post subject:

I agree - just about every TEFLer can probably identify with you.

Just because you choose a lifestyle wihich doesn't conform to the suburban "norm", doesn't mean that every now and then, you can't see the appeal of such a lifestyle. Just like I'm sure all those married with 2.3 kids types often see the attraction of a "nomadic" lifestyle. However, because we TEFLers, are, in a sense, defying the norm, naturally we feel greater pressure to see the attraction of the "other side", and to doubt our own decisions.

Clutch Cargo · Joined: 01 Oct 2003 Posts: 14

Thanks for your honesty Erica. I needed to hear what you said as I'm going through the same thing right now...again. I suppose it comes down to the unexamined life not being worth living, or something like that.

I'm nearing the end of my contract and am trying to convice myself that this time I may actually want to stop and settle down to a teacher's life back in Oz. I also know that it will be a matter of weeks before I'm restless again and searching for another gig in an overseas location.

There's this thought in the back of my mind that one day I'll actually be content to stay in my home country, get hitched etc, but it may be a fantasy in the same (but reverse) way that many of my friends back home see the life of international travel and work. I too have tried to alter my life (buying a house, getting teaching degree, dating homely girls) but it doesn't seem to work for long. It's a type of restlessness that I'm glad others also experience as it then doesn't seem so strange, just a different way of being of use to others somewhere.

I tried the teaching in mainstream classrooms back home and found it to be uninspiring. ESL/EFL is exciting and seems to be valued by the students (most of the time), as well as offering the chance to be more a part of a different culture than simply visiting a place will ever do.

Part of me also likes feeling like a bit of an outsider, I don't know where that comes from. I forgot to mention the 'f' word...freedom.

icollin · Joined: 05 Feb 2003 Posts: 39

I think most of us feel like you do, Erica. When I was first talking about going to Japan, I didn't get a good response from my friends and family. They thought I was wasting time and money! They all started saying that I would be back within a month, etc. Now that I have done it, and that I am back, I realized why I wanted to leave in the first place. You see, I may not have a degree nor do I have a lot of cash, but I saw the world and experienced something new and amazing. How many of your friends or family can say that?

Living abroad and teaching kids/adults is sometimes really hard, but then you have all the wonderful things that goes with it and then the cool things take over all the frustration, and makes all this worth it. Doing what we are doing is like the school of life and I am happy that I am a part of it.

Lanza-Armonia · Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 1:00 pm Post subject:

Mildly depressed or mearly questioning?

At the end of the day, it's nice to have 'plans' but no one says you have to stick with them. Enjoy TEFLing until you're sick of the 'LAOWEI' shouts, and then go home and do the 9-2-5 thing. Why the questions? Enjoy yourself! You sound like a young guy with a future ahead of you.. Remember, employers back home like people who've travelled (guessing here)

Nighty nite!

Roger · Joined: 19 Jan 2003 Posts: 9138

I can empathise, but I can't say it's a normal thing at all.
You are fleeing from yourself and from committing yourself to your home country and its society. You refuse to identify 100% with any community. Being the guest of a foreign nation is preferable because you don't have to embrace everything they go for - warts and everything, while you are still free to enjoy what's so good there..
I call this 'civilisation fatigue'.

Lanza-Armonia · Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 1:58 pm Post subject:

Dude! Tell him what he wants to here! He's obviously questioning himself, so don't kick him while he's down. And I thought you were supposed to be God around here...

Clutch Cargo · Joined: 01 Oct 2003 Posts: 14

lozwich · Joined: 25 May 2003 Posts: 1536

Hiyas,

I've been watching the other thread along these lines - something about the lure of living overseas - and now this one with interest. I'm fairly new at this game, but for about 15 years I've been wandering around my home country, living in different places and continually being questioned by people about when I'm going to settle down.

Well, I tried settling down in the way everyone else wanted - twice - once with a husband and once solo with my own apartment and - gasp!! - even a washing machine!! Shocked

The first time lasted 5 years and the second about a year before my head completely exploded and I had to get out!

But going through those things, moving interstate fairly often, and trying different careers, and now living overseas, I've learned something very important that gives me peace of mind, even at times like now when things aren't going so well for me. There is nothing wrong with doing what makes you happy at the time, even if it means there is no plan, goal, final achievement or settling down date.

And as for the home country idea, well, I've discovered that I don't really want to live in my home country anymore, so what is wrong with trying different countries until I can find a new one to call home? I mean, I'm not hurting anyone, and I'm making myself happy and learning all sorts of things that make me a better person.

And the leaving loved ones behind bit? Well, since I was a child, I've lived far from my loved ones, and after 34 years, the ones that I still love and who still love me are still in my life, no matter where they are on the planet.

So yeah, go through the angst and doubt (I do it too some weeks! Wink

) but put yourself at number one in the list, and stop doing (or thinking you should do) what other people tell you you should do.

Even me, if you like..

Have a good day.
Lozwich.

Shaman · Joined: 06 Apr 2003 Posts: 446 Location: Hammertown

I'm constantly in the tug-of-war between "here" (far less stable actually) and "there". Make up a list of pros and cons.

Worry is natural. Just keep moving forward.

Obi-wan: "Master Yoda says that we should be mindful of the future."
Qi-gonn: "But not at the expense of the moment, young paduan."

Shaman

Aramas · Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2004 9:20 pm Post subject:

Perhaps it's not just stability that's lacking. We were all raised and indoctrinated to consume. Western civilisation is dependent on the myth that the one who dies with the most stuff wins. By galavanting around the globe we're shirking our 'responsibilities'.

Our contribution to the economic well being of our countries is to work 9 to 5, go home and sit amongst our extensive collection of fine consumer durables and watch TV (our obligation in order to be told what to buy) so that we can choose our next major purchase.

But in reality all we need is food, shelter and a tribe (family, friends, lovers etc.).

Most people seem to want everyone else to live in the same manner as themselves. They feel threatened by anyone that chooses differently. It's only our knowledge and experiences that are truly our own - everything else is just 'stuff'.

Never forget that our critics won't be there if we wake up one morning and realise we've wasted our lives watching TV and working, or even worse, trying to meet other people's expectations.

Capergirl · Posted: Fri Mar 26, 2004 12:18 am Post subject:

Aramas, that's the best post I've read in a long time. Very well-put! Very Happy

foster · Joined: 07 Feb 2003 Posts: 485 Location: Honkers, SARS

Must agree with Capergirl that Aramas' post was well said. People *expect* us to do things but that may not be the best thing for us.

I feel more settled in HK than I felt in Canada. I was rather nomadic in Canada as well, changing jobs and towns every year or 2. My mother has 5 pages in her address book just for me!

Erica: You may not have a reason now or answers now, but in the long run, you will. Maybe this is not what you should be doing forever, and in time, you will find out one way or the other. On the other hand, maybe you are a lifer TEFLer and all will be well in the world for you.

Home is where the heart is..or where you hang your hat...or a number of other annoying cliches. The term settling down reminds me too much of SETTLING for something inferior or unacceptable. I am settled, as much as I ever will be and ever want to be. I have stuff..but nothing that I couldn't sell at a moments notice and take off.

Ultimately, Erica, it is your life and your choices. Do what is best for you and enjoy what you are doing. It will make for great stories for the grandkids and for the sedentary people at home. Very Happy