Job Discussion Forums

[TokyoLiz]

Gordon,

Whoops! Ok, but still, I admire couples, wherever they come from, who make a go of living in Japan.

Sherri,

Wow, i wish you and your family the best of health and smooth transition from here to your Other Country.

FWIS, yes, Tokyo locals DO notice cute little gaijin and mixed kids and go on a great deal about how cute they are. I work next to a yochien where there are lots of little foreign and Japanese kids and they get some attention in the street. For the most part, positive attention.

[shmooj]

[Sherri]

Gordon,
Your daughter sounds so cute. As you said, you know how much attention children get here especially if one or both of the parents are non-Japanese.

I agree with TokyoLiz, the attention in general is positive and well-meaning. Occasionally it is well-meaning but slightly irritating like "she doesn't look half!" And it is sometimes just plain annoying. Two days ago my dad and I took my 8-month-old to our local park. An old lady approached my dad who was pushing the stroller to admire the baby. He couldn't understand what she was saying and so I joined them to hear her saying, "is it a little girl (onna no ko)?" I said, no, he's a boy. She insisted that he looked like a girl (over and over) and didn't quite believe me. He was dressed in a red and blue fleece. I used to put the same thing on my daughter was she was his age and everyone then told me she looked like a boy. You can't win!

[azarashi sushi]

Hi Sherri..

Sorry about my post and that I more than a weeny bit insulted you... Of course I take your word for it that your kids are prodded and examined. Actually, I misread your post the first time and I thought that YOU were being prodded, poked and examined. That's why I was a little surprised. Anyway, sorry.

Thanks also for telling us about your child being in hospital for a long time. It helps us to understand your anger and hostility.
I can understand that it must be very hard for you.

You're right... I'm not married, I don't have kids or a baby, I don't live in Ikebukuro and I haven't lived here for 13 years, so I have absolutely no idea what it's like. I'm also not planning to have any kids so won't be comparing notes with you in the future.

But I'm sure living in Ikebukuro is depressing enough, let alone with two small children. I'm sure it's time to move on. For sure Hawaii will be an infinitely better place to raise your family and I wish you all the best there.

Anyway, I realise things are often easier said than done, but my point was just that often people don't mean any harm with the attention they give us (and perhaps our kids)... It's our reaction to them that irritates us. I think someone mentioned somewhere in another thread that we see people not how THEY are but rather how WE are. So at least while we're here, if we can't change the people around us (and the attention they give us), we can change our attitudes to them and not view everything as an attack.

[TokyoLiz]

Shmooj,

[Wolf]

[shmooj]

[ironopolis]

I meant to to post on this a few days ago, but had to get registered first.

I'm totally with shmooj on this one. I like very much his crossing the bridge analogy, which describes how I feel better than I've ever been able to myself so far. In just over 6 years here, I've now come to realise that however much I like and respect lots of Japanese people I know, and even though I'm fairly fluent in their language and have tried hard in other ways too, that bridge, in all but a very few cases, is uncrossable, will remain so and the best thing for me to do is just accept it as such. (BTW, as someone from the industrial north of England, I liked the south of England analogy too; not always true, but often.)

I've now been about as long in Japan as I was in Korea before, and it's very striking how many close friends I have a deep mutual trust with from Korea and how few from Japan. In Korea, I sometimes (not that often at all) did meet initial frostiness or even hostility. But I found that what made a big difference was how I reacted to it. If I was hostile back the outcome was obvious, but if I tried to show people that I was someone they could get on with, it was surprisingly easy how the barriers came down and impressive how much people would reciprocate with their own efforts.

I notice someone above complained of being treated badly in Daegu. I do sympathise, although I spent about 2 years there and was very happy. Again, I did initially encounter what I perceived to be unfriendliness and what on occasions undoubtedly was just that. But I found that in Korea there were 2 very important things which could drastically alter your perception of these situations if you learned more about them. One was the language: as I picked up Korean to a decent standard I realised that a lot of what sounded unfriendly or aggressive wasn't actually so intended at all. The other was the extremely sad history of the place; when you realise what a bad hand the people have been repeatedly dealt and how countries like those we come from have done some pretty nasty things to Korea, it makes some people's behaviour not acceptable, but at least a little more understandable.

I expect there might be some reading this who are thinking, "why don't you go back to Korea then?" Someday I expect I will. But I should emphasize that on the whole I like Japan very much so that even in the case of this personal relationships situation which I like much less, I've found a way to deal with it (eventually).

[lostinparis]

why is it that the bridge is uncrossable? is it simply because of everything that makes you foreign? or is it something more specific in the general category of "foreign-ness"? (for example, just the fact that you physically look different from Japanese people)

I ask because I'm half-Japanese and I look mixed. I fit in well (obviously) among my Japanese relatives in Los Angeles despite not speaking the language... but I expect people will categorize me as a gaijin when I arrive in Tokyo at the end of the April to start working, even though I have family and roots in Japan.

I've even noticed that Japanese people living here in Paris treat me a bit differently, once they learn I have a Japanese mother. I can't describe it really, it's a very fleeting expression of "ooooh, i see" and I get a small smile. But since I really don't know any of these people well, I can't really say if it means anything.

and ironopolis - welcome to the board!

[Wolf]

[shmooj]

[shmooj]

[ironopolis]

[lostinparis]

ah... that would be mademoiselle paris, s'il vous plait. I wouldn't think a man would normally choose a lipsticked mouth for an avatar, no?

[shmooj]