Job Discussion Forums

[SaratheSlytherin]

I'm concerned about my parents, and would like to know if any of you have ever been in a similar situation and how you dealt with it.

I just got a Tefl certificate and I would eventually like to return to Mexico to teach there.

I've done a good deal of soul searching and I know that I must eventually go back there, and I know what I'm doing. The trouble is that my parents are worried. My mom was more worried about me in Spain than Mexico, but she is quite overprotective. My dad is positively freaking out.

My dilemna is that I KNOW what I'm getting into and I know that I'm doing the right thing by going back, but they think I'm making a mistake. Recently I discussed my plans with my dad and he freaked out.

I realize that I'm an adult and it's my decision but I don't want my parents to suffer. How do I convince them that I'll be all right and that I am doing the right thing? I have made up my mind but I want them to have peace of mind.

I mean this question with ALL respect and I mean no offense to anyone. I'm not putting Mexico down, I just think that it gets slandered by the American media and many Americans have a distorted, innacurate view of Mexico.

I studied abroad in Mexico, and I was fine and never feared for my safety. I felt much safer down there than I feel in USA.

I studied abroad there a few years ago.
People say, "a lot can change in a few years, it's gotten more dangerous since you returned to USA." I get that... but the first time I went to Mexico, people tried to talk me out of it, I went anyway and everything was all right.

I teach in the public schools in North Carolina. North Carolina is a rough part of the country and I teach in a particularly rough part of the state, and I deal with some rough kids. Gang activity runs strong in the schools here.

Yet my parents never worry about me here.

Furthermore when I was a kid and they were responsible for making decisions, I don't think that all the decisions they made were good. They didn't abuse me or anything but they made decisions that really messed up my life. Now I'm an adult and I wish they would treat me like I'm smart enough to make my own decisions.

Has anyone had a similar problem? I do love my parents but I do NOT love North Carolina and I want to return to Mexico (sooner or later).

Please don't try to talk me out of going back there... I'm not sure when I'll go back to Mexico but I know I will. I realize there are problems there but look at what's going in North Carolina... the American news just takes the problems in Mexico out of proportion.

[Tretyakovskii]

A mountain could be said about this but, if you don't mind, I'd like to try to keep it simple. This may seem to be about your parents but, as I see it, it's really about you, and how you feel.

Your decision will cause you pain whether you choose to stay, or go.

If you can accept the pain that comes with making choices, you'll be free to make them, but no one can take this pain away.

[Somehow, I think you know this, already, but trying to put your parents' mind at rest, when all they probably want is just for you to stay closer to home, may mean you don't really accept it.]

[TheLongWayHome]

If you believe everything you see or read in the media, you'd think the world was going to hell in a handbasket - it's not. It's just more convenient for the powers that be to have everyone living in fear.

Gang violence, organised crime, not safe to walk on the streets etc - I could be talking about practically any country in the world. I've been here 5 years and nothing's happened to me. Worse things happened to me in a tiny town in England.

[SaratheSlytherin]

[Somehow, I think you know this, already, but trying to put your parents' mind at rest, when all they probably want is just for you to stay closer to home, may mean you don't really accept it.][/quote]

I don't think of North Carolina as home, I just see it as a place to escape from. What I mean to say is that I have seen Mexico with my own eyes, done research and talked to people and I know, and feel comfortable with, what I'm getting into.

But I see what you're saying.

I don't want to cause them pain and I don't want to stay in North Carolina the rest of my life even though people keep telling me that it's a great place, because I know I'm unhappy here and don't belong. I just know that if my parents could see Cuernavaca or Quer�taro they would understand what I see in Mexico. It just makes me crazy angry that Mexico is a beautiful country with so many beautiful places that most North Americans have no clue exist because our news media never shows that side of Mexico. That's all my parents know.

When I was studying abroad down there I tried to get them to go down and see me, but they said they couldn't. I wish they would just believe me.

[SaratheSlytherin]

[quote="TheLongWayHome"]If you believe everything you see or read in the media, you'd think the world was going to hell in a handbasket - it's not. It's just more convenient for the powers that be to have everyone living in fear.

That's just it... I certainly don't believe the lies the news media tells us! The point of my frustration is that nobody believes ME... I tell my dad and he just sneers at all my arguments.

I told my dad that there is violence everywhere and that it's taken out of proportion. He said something like, "Yeah, all those policemen that were beheaded just dropped dead on their own."

But when Columbine happened here in USA, did we decide to pack up and move to Australia because USA was no longer safe?

I told my dad that I'm NOT going to be on the polic force (which is dangerous almost anywhere) I'm going to teach school. I told him that teaching is inherently much more dangerous in USA. Kids here in the public schools are mean... not all, but a huge percentage.

I've made my choice, I'm going back to Mexico, but I'm not doing because much soul searching has revealed that it's the right choice and I belong there. My parents made choices on my behalf, some of which were very bad choices. Moving to North Carolina completely screwed up my life. While I still haven't forgiven them for this, and never will, I'm not bitter or vindictive about it, and I'm certainly not moving back to Mexico to spite them, it's my turn to make choices about my future. They did what was right by them, but now I'm grown and I have to do what's right by me.

I agree with that other poster that my parents may have ulterior motives in wanting me to stay in USA. Not necessarily because they want me nearby but something similar. My dad keeps nagging me about "I want some grandkids!! Gimme some grandkids!!" and my mom keeps asking me when I'm gonna get married.

And ironically that kind of talk just drives me further away from home.

I would totally date or marry a Mexican guy but I didn't have much luck... that's another story... but, I've moved on.

[Tretyakovskii]

One of the things I've noticed from your posts on other threads is that you seem to be a good researcher. If this issue with your parents was just about safety, you'd have found data that shows Mexico is no more dangerous, statistically, than the U.S. If you haven't, perhaps it's because you understand that's not the issue here, really.

Sounds like your parents have made their wishes clear- they want you to stay there, get married, and have kids, so they can play grandparents. You don't seem to want to accept the role they have in mind for you, at least not now, which is your choice.

Your parents will not always approve of decisions you make. They're different people, with different points of view, and different wishes for their lives and yours. You can do what they wish, and live with the pain that causes you, or do what you want, and live with the pain that causes you. It's your choice, and your burden.

____________________

If you're looking for people who can understand a decision to live abroad, you've come to the right place. All of us have made that choice, and lived with the consequences of that choice, good and bad.

Some have escaped the "family left behind" issues, to a degree, by starting a new family abroad. Many, like myself, have had to accept that living abroad would put some distance, emotionally, between ourselves and those left behind. But, there's more to it, than that.

For those who've lived abroad for many years, and in varied countries, our life experience is now simply too different to be able to fully relate to the lives of those "back home", which now seem to us, more than ever, mundane and uninteresting.

In many cases, we no longer think like they do, and we will seem "odd" to them, for many reasons, our behavior having been subtley altered, over the years, by unconscious absorption of the ways of other peoples and cultures as in, for example, what constitutes appropriate, interpersonal space.
__________________

As for the wishes of others to have you "back home", those may never die. When I go back, I'm invariably asked, "When are you coming home?", though it's been two decades, and home, for me, is always somewhere else.

[scooby doo]

I understand your folks but remember, your parents are also of a different generation, one that is often insulated from the rapid globalization changes occurring in today's world. After all, globalization means among other things, that people are becoming 'citizens of the world' by residing in other countries. In fact, you are privileged to hold the right kind of passport, one that allows you the choice to just get up and go. Don't wait too long; before you know it the job market will be flooded and you'll have missed good opportunities. if you hesitate, you'll never make the move and it gets harder to break away as you get older. It will probably take a few years for your parents to understand and accept what you're doing

On a practical note; once you think you have secured a job overseas, you might ask prospective employers to talk to your parents to reassure them that you will be taken care of and that their establishment will be responsible for the well-being of its foreign employees. As a school owner, I've done just that a couple of times and I find it really helps calm those parents who are worried (about what they perceive is 'the unknown'). that way, everyone feels much better about the big move! A couple of my best teachers had concerned parents in the beginning and I was able to tell them directly that things would be fine.

Beware though, don't bring this concern up in the early interviews or correspondence. I usually eliminate applicants who seem too freaked out or have parents who appear resistant. it doesn't make for a smooth recruitment process. Get the job first, then bring up your concerned parents.

Lots of luck!

[sroetem]

Scooby, great advice. Mine: 'do what you want to do'. That's all I have.

"If you believe everything you see or read in the media, you'd think the world was going to hell in a handbasket - it's not. It's just more convenient for the powers that be to have everyone living in fear."

Also, good advice. This is how 'they' run the world. Throw your television out the window!



I told my dad that there is violence everywhere and that it's taken out of proportion. He said something like, "Yeah, all those policemen that were beheaded just dropped dead on their own."


And the folks in the world trade center happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Don't go looking for trouble. This applies to anywhere in the world.

Good luck. Mexico is a great place to be.

[geaaronson]

You say you are an adult and make your own choices, but should you refrain from coming to Mexico, the choice that was made came from your parents. You have acceded to their wishes and allowed them to run your life.
Part of maturity is accepting the fact that not everyone is going to approve of the decisions that you make in your life and the decisions are yours to make as an adult, should you wish to call yourself one.
This may seem especially hard but it is the truth of the matter. Should it assuage your concern any, I would upon establishing yourself here in Mexico, send them a weekly postcard, email, or whatever, all with images of happy places that are innocuous in tone. No pictures of Zapata, Pancho Villa, people marching in the street in a procession, but those images that relate to your parents own interests. If your mom likes to dance, send them pictures of people dancing. If you Dad likes trains, send him pictures of them. You get the picture.

[Insubordination]

Unfortunately, some family members and friends love to tell you what your limitations are and want you can't do. So you believe them or make your own choices. You know what you have to do. Just tell them that you love and appreciate them and you're glad they worry about you and that you're smart and you'll take care of yourself and lay out how you plan to do that.

Don't worry that they want grandkids. It's a natural thing but you can't really marry some guy and have his babies to appease them. Get out and live your life but don't break off the relationship with Mum and Dad. Don't trash NC either. They choose to live there. Just tell them that you want to see the world and have adventures before you hit (insert age).

There will be loads of stumbling blocks on the way but you can tackle them one at a time.