Job Discussion Forums

Big Poppa Pump · Joined: 28 May 2010 Posts: 167

"Teacher, are you married?"
"Do you have a sister?"
"Yes.."
"Is she married?"
"No..."
"How old is she?"
"10.."
"Looks like I'm not married or going to be married for awhile..."

Blingcosa · Joined: 17 May 2008 Posts: 146 Location: Guangdong

I posted this not long ago:
http://forums.eslcafe.com/job/viewtopic.php?t=81811&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

Actually, I don't mind answering most questions, including marital status. There is one I flat refuse to answer: How much do you earn?
I just smile and say "Wode mimi"

MrMrLuckyKhan · Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2010 9:37 am Post subject:

naturegirl321 · Joined: 04 May 2003 Posts: 9041 Location: home sweet home

I ask questions if they're not TOO personal, but my students are all university kids, so maybe age plays a factor. The other day one of my students asked if I was married, Iv'e got a very un-American last name, and we got into a conversation about my husband, etc and that invariable leads to "why don't you have kids?" I have a good excuse now Smile

we don't live toghert. Though if students get too pushy, I would say something like "We physically CAN?T have kids" I know it's not good to lie, but very personal qusetions lead to those types of answers.

naturegirl321 · Joined: 04 May 2003 Posts: 9041 Location: home sweet home

spiral78 · Joined: 05 Apr 2004 Posts: 11534 Location: On a Short Leash

that invariable leads to "why don't you have kids?" I have a good excuse now we don't live toghert. Though if students get too pushy, I would say something like "We physically CAN?T have kids" I know it's not good to lie, but very personal qusetions lead to those types of answers.

Good heavens. I'd never get so personal with students!

I think it is more effective on all levels to have a class unit on appropriate intercultural communication, and simply explain to all students that in English speaking countries, we don't ask questions about personal and family matters in professional or academic contexts.

I have had no problems explaining this to our few Asian students in the Netherlands, nor to the many more I taught in Canada.

I can suggest the www.executiveplanet.com website as a basis for comparative class discussion of appropriate conversation topics in different cultures.

If you want to blend in culturally, then the topics aren't off-limits. But there's some solid pedagogical backing for ensuring that students understand that some topics aren't appropriate when communicating in English/Western contexts.

gaijinalways · Joined: 29 Nov 2005 Posts: 2279

spiral78 posted

johnslat · Posted: Sun Sep 19, 2010 2:46 pm Post subject:

Dear gaijinalways,

True - and a good number of students also cherish their personal distance. It varies from individual to individual, from culture to culture.

Regards,
John

Sashadroogie · Posted: Sun Sep 19, 2010 3:37 pm Post subject:

Dear Johnslat

No, no, no you are quite wrong there. It has been explained many times before by those in the know that we need to be there for our students, to listen to their personal needs and fears, to lend a counsellor's ear to them, even act as therapist. There should be no distance between them and us, no secrets of any kind and this makes you a great teacher as a result and everyone will cherish you. With luck, we can then effect a cultural 'lift' for the students too, and they can be turned into little Americans/Brits etc. There is also the all-important point about lesbians to be made, but I'll leave that to others to outline, as I'm still a bit hazy on it myself.

S

johnslat · Posted: Sun Sep 19, 2010 3:40 pm Post subject:

Dear Sasha,

You're quite right, of course. I don't know how I could have let the White Man's Burden slip my mind (perhaps it's time for my "re-education".)

Regards,
John

Sashadroogie · Posted: Sun Sep 19, 2010 3:50 pm Post subject:

Dear Johnslat

Perhaps indeed. I hear tell that there is a leading institution located in Japan which specialises in this sort of thing. I think that Gaijin will be able to help you there. Wonders were done for poor Spiral's professionalism previously.

I think it's your only hope...

S

spiral78 · Joined: 05 Apr 2004 Posts: 11534 Location: On a Short Leash

Wonders were done for poor Spiral's professionalism previously.

Hmmm. Not quite sure I really quite took on those lessons, I must say Very Happy

Don't jump the gun that I've actually 'improved.'

Sashadroogie · Posted: Sun Sep 19, 2010 4:01 pm Post subject:

True that... you are still a bit standoffish with your students. Something to work on there. Just give one of them a random cuddle and ask about their last trip to the doctor. Great bonding opportunity and you'll get to know something real and that will be a great communication event too.

Come on Spiral! Set the example for Johnslat.

spiral78 · Joined: 05 Apr 2004 Posts: 11534 Location: On a Short Leash

Well, I was invited to the Eid party featuring the uncovered heads of Saudi women, belly dancing and a giant overdose of sweets. I guess that would have been a great opp for personal bonding.

Predictably, I declined...I'm incorrigible - sorry!

Sashadroogie · Posted: Sun Sep 19, 2010 4:25 pm Post subject:

Bad teacher! You've traumatised them now! They'll definitely be in need of therapy, but not from you, sadly. Also, you missed an opportunity to convert them from their backward cultural ways...

So sad really...