Job Discussion Forums

[elizamina]

So after years of working toward our goals, we've finally accepted a job at a small IB school in Beijing. Both my husband and I are very excited about this. We've talked to a lot of the staff there, and we think it'll be a good experience and a great foot in the door.

Our families are... not so happy.

Not so happy to the point that we're being constantly told that we're making a huge mistake, that we're tearing apart our families, and that we're bad, wrong, and childish for not wanting to settle down in our own country and start producing grandchildren. They are mystified as to why we'd want to leave our country at all, "the greatest country in the world," to do anything that's not buying a house and popping out babies.

So, really, experienced overseas teachers, how do you deal with this? How do you deal with everyone telling you that what you're doing is a horrible, life destroying mistake? Do your families ever come around? Or do they remind you for years how you're ruining your lives? What do you do? How do you deal or cope? It's becoming increasingly hard to feel excited and happy about my decision when everyone around me is telling me that I'm doing it all wrong.

[spiral78]

It's been 15 years away from the US for me (nearly) and they're still telling me. But, well, they're far away and getting a bit discouraged, finally, and frankly I don't give a dam.

Sorry, I know it sounds cold, and of course you may well go back someday and to the standard thing - and enoy it all the more for your overseas experience!

The message is that you probably just need to develop a thicker skin for a while. The weeks and months before you actually leave, and your first visit back, are usually the worst moments. Keep in mind that it's YOUR life - not theirs. Also, times have changed, and so many more people spend time abroad these days - it's good for you in terms of future jobs and etc....

Good luck. I know it's not fun, but try to keep your eyes on your goals. It's worth it!!

[1st Sgt Welsh]

I don't come from a close family so these sort of tactics would probably have been water of a duck's back . I'm sure your folks mean well, but have they ever have taught, lived abroad or travelled extensively? If not, than their opinions are just that. Besides, if you are old enough to get married and start "popping out babies" than surely you and your husband are old enough to make adult decisions on where to live and work. The only one who can live your life for you is you.

Speaking for myself I am very glad I got into TEFL and I am sure the vast majority of posters here feel the same way. Good luck to you elizamina and hope things work out for you.

[Glenski]

I left a completely different career that I'd been in for about 15 years. It was pretty much what my family and friends had expected me to be in all my life. My friends totally understood what I was doing when I came to Japan to test the waters (almost 14 years ago). Flights go both ways. People can come back. Leaving the U.S. is not necessarily permanent. Etc.

If you have truly thought things through, and if you are satisfied with what faces you in China at the moment, go. Go with open minds and open eyes, though. Don't be blinded by what you think you face or what China offers as a whole. Dreams of exotic lands have a tendency to do that. Be aware of what a gap in your current employment status might do if you choose to return to your homeland and resume work. Returning will also mean shelling out a lot of money for new car, home, furnishings, insurance, etc.

Keep a constant line open back home. Let them know what you are doing, and how you are doing. I recall that after 2-3 years of being in Japan, on one phone call, my mother said something about how soon would my "fling" with Japan be over. That, despite monthly newsletters to her and dozens of others describing my daily happenings and the culture around me.

Things changed when I announced I was getting married to a Japanese. Of course, the family still wanted me "back home", but they understood a bit more why I was staying. At least, that's what they attributed my staying to. There was obviously more. But, it was a start for them to begin accepting.

It's only been more and more positive since. Keep that lifeline and communication open. When I came, there was no Skype, either. Use it. Make trips home at least once every 2-3 years. Encourage family and friends to visit you, too. Living abroad is a 2-way street.

One of the last things my mother said when I left my hometown was in a teary-eyed demand, that she wanted lots of letters. Guess what? She actually learned how to use a computer, send email, and use Skype. I have continued to send monthly newsletters, and my friends and family pass them on to people I don't even know. Now that Japan has a serious earthquake disaster on its hands, I'm hearing from some of those people, if only indirectly through others.

[Zero]

-Basically it's your life and their reactions are instinctive and knee-jerk. Over time they'll get used to it.

-Sounds like a type of international school? With two people making the kind of salaries I know they often pay, and if you don't spend a lot, there is potential to save a good amount. More than you probably could in your home country. That could could set you up very well for when you return.

-However, Glenski is right, the expenses of moving back might be quite high.

-Listen to what your family and friends are saying. Don't tune it out. They know you and the local situation where you're from. If they're older, they understand things you haven't thought of yet. Getting a little older has been eye-opening for me, as I pass through life stages people had told me about. It doesn't mean you have to do what they say. Just give them a hearing out.

-Have kids sooner than later. Then when they're grown, you'll still have some vitality left in you.

-By the tone of your family's comments, I have to think you're either from New Zealand or the U.S.

[denise]

I noticed the IB reference as well. If it is an international school, then you must both be quite well-qualfiied, meaning that you are NOT just throwing yourself into the standard, stereotypical (whether true or not...) dazed backpacker/newbie experience. You are going to do a "real" job at a "real" school.

And another benefit of international schools: decent salaries. You will be able to afford things that those backpacker newbies can't: things like flights back home, western education for your children, should you choose to have any, etc.

(Sorry, somehow I've gotten the impression that your families think you are throwing yourself into some mysterious adventure the way many young backpacker-types seem to... with all of the worries and stereotypes that go along with such an adventure. You can reassure them that it's not the case.)

I don't have much concrete advice for dealing with them, though, other than to agree with the people who've said to develop thick skins and make your own decisions. I am continually grateful that I did not have to go through that. My family never was the meddling type.

Good luck!

d

[maastricht]

Investor, hedge fund manager and former Soros partner Jim Rogers, who moved to Singapore, gives you the thumbs up:

http://www.businessinsider.com/jim-rogers-if-you-want-your-heirs-to-be-wealthy-then-leave-america-and-move-to-asia-2010-8

"In 1807, if you had moved to the U.K., you and your heirs would have been much, much better off for the next 100 years. If in 1907 you had moved to the U.S., you and your heirs would have been much better off for the next 100 years. In my view, moving to Asia in 2007 means my heirs are going to be much better off in the next 100 years.
...
My view is that the 21st century is going to be the century of Asia, of China. If I'm right about the future, you are going to have a better life [if you move there], better opportunities, and better everything going where the action is, where the assets are."

[naturegirl321]

It's been 9 for me, I met my husband in a different country than mine, we live in a third country and will probably end up having kids here. As to being selfish, maybe it is. BUt you guys have probably just signed a two year contract, take it as it comes, you may decide that you like it or go home. It's only a couple years to start.