Job Discussion Forums

[Cleopatra]

Interesting topic and one which is very pertinent as a single woman (no longer all that young....) who has lived and travelled in the ME.

to be honest, if I'm travelling and someone asks me, I very often lie and say yes, I am amrried, but my hubbie is back at the hotel. That may sound implausilbe to us, but they usually believe it, because it's not nearly so implausible as the notion of a single woman travelling alone.... So far, I havne't got to the point of inventing any kids, though - like John I simply smile and say "Insh'allah" - works every time!

When working in Saudi Arabia, I obvvioulsy couldn't make up a husband, as I got to know my students too well. Even the more sophisticated and cosmpolitan among them were simply baffled by the fact that I was unmarried at an age where Saudi women could already be grandmothers! Sometimes, I went for the "Oh, I'm too independent to get married" but this fell on deaf ears, as concepts such as 'female independence' are simply not on their radar screens. Then, I would lie and say "Oh, hopefully, I will get married one day, insh'allah". Of course, they were probably thinking "What? At your age? I don't think so...." but were too polite to say so.

I think they genuinely pitied me, because for a woman to remain single beyond her mid- 20s is almost unheard of and implies that there is something 'not right' about her. The same goes, as someone said above, about living alone. When I told them I had my very own flat - lucky me! - they looked at me with a pitying look "But Miss, what do you do all day?". Since Saudi girls barely go to the bathroom without taking a friend along, my lifestyle was incomprehensible to them. However, as I said, they were polite enough to respect it - at least to my face (?)

As for polygamy, whenever it came up with my class - all girls, of course - they made it fairly clear that they did not like the practice and would hate it if their husbands took a second wife. To me, this proved that those who say that Arab women "don't mind" polygamy have never spoken to the younger generation. Of course, they couldn't say it should be banned, or anything like that, as it is sanctioned in the Kor'an. However, as another poster has said, polygamy is seen as the exception, and in no way does Islam encourage it. In fact, there are those who say that - in limiting the number of wives to 4 (previoulsy there was no limit) and in saying that a husband must treat all his wives equally, the Kor'an is in a sense discouraging the practice.

[august03]

I live with my Aussie boyfriend of 2 1/5 years here in China and we always get asked when are we going to get married . I usually tell them 'in a couple of years' but I often I like to amuse them by saying 'never'. In China you need a permit from the Government to allow married couples to live together, so I often wonder whether they believe I am a *beep* because I am unmarried and sleep in the same bed as my partner. Who knows, but it makes things a lot easier to tell people we meet (Chinese people) that we are married, not having rings doesn't matter either because everyone here leaves theirs at home (too precious).

[Wolf]

[dmb]

Wolf, why don't you marry a career minded woman?

[Wolf]

[dmb]

I'm sure that there are many. You just haven't met them yet

[thelmadatter]

I havent had a problem about my marital status here in Mexico. That surprised me a little bit until I found out that divorced is much more common here than I thought it would be.

However, when I was a graduate students, my Chinese classmates would insist that I needed a Chinese husband - that he would be much better than my ex. Since I knew them well I would joke that it would be impossible given my size (Im a big girl) ... If I rolled over in bed one night - I would squish the poor guy!

[FGT]

I'm usually asked how many children I have BEFORE students ask if I'm married.
Eventually they ask why I'm not married and I tell them I don't know. They usually shut up then.
With a new class, at lower levels, I leave it at that. With higher levels or students I know well, I would teach them that there are some things you shouldn't ask. Ditto "How much do you earn?"

[Belmont]

It would more than likely mean the non-renewal of your contract or worse, but for many of us EFL/ESL teachers, why can't we actually tell the truth as to why we don't have a wife and kids: We are *beep*. It's so uncomfortable/awkward to have to go through the whole rigamorole of coming up with totally lame excuses as to why we aren't married and have children and grandchildren....all the while the students know full well the answer as to why we aren't married. Of course there can be other reasons, but why have to dance around this issue? Why not just slam them with it and get it over with?

[sidjameson]

gay - g.a.y
beastiality -bea.stial.ty

[sidjameson]

thought the prevoius poster was gay and that the censor beeped him out. I thought beastiality would get through and I would be able to post something witty about Dave not liking the gay lifestyle but roggering pigs on a cold Monday morning is ok.
Seems I got it wrong.
Apologies to all. Didn't mean to offend. Especially the pigs.

[sidjameson]

Oh I'm not married if any of the lovely ladies who frequent this site are interested. Remember though that I am picky.

[Roger]

I still think my Chinese students ought to accept that for us Westerners there are taboos too - just as we have to respect theirs! They learn that sufficently well at school anyway, so why do they assume they can ignore the rule?

I abhor such discussions because if you are not willing to accept a new insight from your opposite number, you had better abstain from delving into any hot topic. For years, Chinese have been brainwashed into regarding Westerners as multitimers and divorce champions. This has closed their minds and senses to the fact that polygamy was prevalent in traditional China, and in Hong Kong until the 1970's. The low divorce rate in the PR of C does not at all mean their relationships are more stable. Nothing could be further from the truth. There is a lot of infidelity taking place, and one only needs to imagine what will happen when a young person gets a chance at studying or working overseas. To stay loyal to the other partner is highly unlikely.

Don't believe me? It's an established fact, for example, that the cost of a hymen restoration has fallen from RMB 3000 in the early 1990's to around RMB 600 now... Apparently, virginity doesn't count so much any more.

I also dislike wrong interpretations of Western behavioral patterns. When Chinese talk about Western women, they invariably say "they are more open-minded than Chinese women are..." What they mean is not "open-minded" at all; rather, they mean "promiscuous".

And, when they label Italy and France as the "most romantic" countries, my hair stands on end because of the bad image they have of these nations: "romanticism" seems to mean "loose relationships", or an "one with everyone".

[Wolf]

[Belmont]