Job Discussion Forums

virago · Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 10:56 pm Post subject: Maybe Goodbye - for a while

I am think seriously of returning to Australia to regain my previous real working life.

After 2 years in China with nearly most of that time teaching english and business I have realised that I will not make a decent living in China compared to back in Australia. In the short term anyway.

I realise now I understand alot more about security of job, medical care, superannunation etc that is really lacking in China and also because I don't have the personal network that is so vital in China you cannot make a decent business living more than just survive.

Back in Australia I had a great job high 6 figure package, company car and alot of other perks which is difficult to really get used to not having this around. I could possibly get a post here as an expat in a couple of years.

It's also embarrassing when you enter a company to do english or business teaching and they talk about my past and they refer to my, what they call 'impressive resume'. It's like a sock in the mouth of 'why the MOD EDIT are you here!' type comment.

The difficult thing is going to leave my wife, dog and apartment that we have set up in China and only return probably twice a year. My wife cannot join me for business reasons but may be able to join me in a year or so depending on the success of her business. She has put too much effort to stop and give, just yet. If she was earning a decent money in China then I could afford to live here, learn the language properly and develop something of a small business myself but I can't see that happening in the near future.

Anyway that's my story. What do you think? Should I or shouldn't I? I think we have already made the decision but have you done this or heard of others doing this?

virago · Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 12:25 am Post subject:

Sorry I was formally known as 'burnsie' and have been active here for about 1 year.

SillySally · Joined: 26 Jul 2005 Posts: 167

Putting money above family is never a good idea.

Stick around and finish what you started. Nothing has changed from when you decided to get into this situation, except your perceptions of reality.

If you cannot work it out together, what makes you think you can work it out far apart?

Be patient. Perservere. China is a land of opportunities. Make your own. You have a wife and child to take care of here.

There once was a framer who left the countryside and family to work in the city to make more money. When he returned to the countryside another man was plowing his furrows.

virago · Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 1:31 am Post subject: Re: What are your priorities?

Mideatoo · Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 2:24 am Post subject:

Are you slowly but surely divorcing...?

virago · Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 2:33 am Post subject:

Chris_Crossley

Don McChesney · Joined: 25 Jun 2005 Posts: 656

Somebody wise once said "You go back to find out why you left." and that is so true for many situations, many people.
You detail about your good job and prospects etc in Aust before you came here, think carefully why you left.
You can read about lots of FT's who go back 'home' and can't wait to come back ASAP, China has a strange way of becoming a part of you. Why stress your marriage for the sake of 'maybe . . .'?

SillySally · Joined: 26 Jul 2005 Posts: 167

Why do you think I transposed "dog" into "child"?

virago · Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 9:01 am Post subject:

Thanks for your comments, Sally, Don and Chris. They are all valid points and ones I am taking seriously.

I know if a go I will miss them alot but having a worthwhile existance also draws me to go. To be honest I am not happy teaching. I really am not interested in it but seems the only thing I can really do in the short term to make any kind of money.

My wife is supportive of the idea of me going back. She knows how unhappy I am at teaching.

I can also earn enough money in 2-3 years to buy a large apartment here in Beijing, support her existance in China and still have enough to live back in Australia. Yes, it's alot money. When I can only really earn, at the most 100-120K RMB doing something I really don't like in Beijing a year I can earn 500-600K RMB in equivalent in Australia which I love doing, it puts a strain on my possibilities.

Sally is right, patience is probably needed and I do have a few things going that may happen in Beijing that will allow me to enjoy a happier life and without going back.

Don is also right, I did look at some of the other experiences in the other China forum of returning FT's which was interesting. I have returned to Australia previously after a year working overseas in business and I found it quite easy to get back to life there.

Chris, thanks for your comments on a real life situation and I am glad your situation allowed you to gain better understanding for your own family.

My thoughts today is sticking it out to see how a couple of things go. At least till Christmas and then review again what we should do.

Thanks again to the posters and if you have other comments please do so.

william wallace · Joined: 14 May 2003 Posts: 2869 Location: in between

Nothing to say...or tell...

StephPoet · Joined: 05 Jul 2005 Posts: 26

I'm sorry, but I would personally never leave a family to go seek money. It doesn't seem like anyone is starving, just a possible situation of a bruised ego. Please re-think what you're doing. Kids especially are very perceptive and may grow to resent you for what they'll see as pure abandonment. I'm not judging you, but these are really serious issues you're dealing with...

Volodiya · Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 12:01 pm Post subject:

Burnsie-Virago, I've been following your posts, and appreciating them, for a long while.

My partner (American, like me, ten years together) and I thought we could see a number of good reasons why I should leave China and build a base for us, for the future, elsewhere, while she continued to work here. My being gone lasted less than two months. We decided it was more important to be together, come what may.

zhamr · Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 128 Location: Darwin, Australia

I have been here since 1998 (first visit in '83) and China certainly gets under your skin or into your soul (choose your own metaphor). My Chinese wife and I returned to Australia for a one-year contract in 2003 and came back to China at the end of that year. We have an apartment and a child in primary school. The future holds possibilities and challenges (have you tried dealing with the Chinese schooling system as a foreign educator?). My wife has had numerous compelling reasons to move to other parts of China for business, but has not left for the many reasons already raised by others in this thread.

There is a great deal you will have to sacrifice to discover what is essential (quality of life, love & partnership, parenthood) and what is transitory (material things, lifestyle accessories). Could I suggest that you look at changing the specific thing that is making you unhappy first?

level · Joined: 04 Jul 2005 Posts: 34

Ohhh, it's a difficult one. Unlike most of the others I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to want to move away to earn money, as long as it's not the way you intend to approach the rest of your married life. A few years ago my boyfriend (of 10 years) lived at the other side of the UK for over a year. I saw him every 2 weeks or so. I missed him but he earned enough to pay off half of our mortgage, bringing him closer to his dream of quitting the industry he is in and going to do something more worthwhile.

Now I intend to move to China and travel for a year. This time round I don't want him to stay in his job for the sake of the money, I want him to come with me. This is not an easy decision as in the time we are away he will lose out on aprox 1.75 mil rmb and will have to return to the same industry when we get back. At this stage in our relationship the experience of moving to a different country and travelling is more important than the money.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that it depends on how you and your wife feel about the prospect of you moving away for so long. That is a judgment that you have to make yourself and nobody on the board is really going to able to give you any advice as to what is right for you. At one stage in your relationship it might work out fine and at another you might find you miss each other too much.

Also, many people seem to be mentioning children, but you don't have children so talk of �family� and �children� and 'abandonment' is pretty wide of the mark. These posters seem to referring to some ethereal concept of family. In actuality your family comprises you and your wife. If you are both happy with your decision then there is no need to worry about how others think a �family� should act.