Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Wangja]

Murphy's Lesser-known Dicta




Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

When you go into court, you are putting yourself In the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

[Wangja]

[Wangja]

[Wangja]

[Wangja]

From me ("the wisher") to you ("hereinafter called the wishee"), please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday; practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice, but without predudice to the religious persuasions and/or secular traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all; and a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or dietary preference of the wishee. By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that:

* This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal

* This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wisher are acknowledged.

* This greeting implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes.

* This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This greeting is warranted to perform as may reasonably be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.

* The wisher warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher

* Any references in this greeting to "the Lord", "Father Christmas", "Our Saviour", or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby acknowledged.


Oh sod it���..


Merry Christmas Everyone

[Wangja]

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a person should be institutionalised. "Well" said the Director we fill up a bathtub, then offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the teaspoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window."

[Wangja]

BAPTISING A DRUNK

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.

The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk answers, "Yes, I am"

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?"

The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again,

"Have you found Jesus my brother?"

The drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

By this time, the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.

The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God have you found Jesus?"

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher;

"Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

[Sleepy in Seoul]

Top End story

A bloke's wife goes missing while holidaying on the coast just off Darwin . He spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.

Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of pretty miserable policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable. The Sarge says, "Mate, we have some news for you. Unfortunately, we have some really bad news, but also some good news and maybe some really good news".

"Well," says the bloke, "You'd better let me have it both barrels, what's the bad news?" The Sarge says, "I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead." The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear this and has a bit of a turn.

After a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is. The sarge says, "Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crays and a swag of edible crabs in and around her wetsuit, so we've brought you your share." And he hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it.

"Geez thanks. They're bloody beaut... I guess it's an ill wind and all that. Now, what's the really good news?"

"Well", the Sarge says, "me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!.... you fancy comin' with us?"