Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Wangja]

Here we go ....

A woman is suing the J.C. Penney Co. after an alleged run-in with a store mannequin that she says left her with a cracked tooth, a bloodied head and recurring shoulder pain.

Diana Newton, 51, of Westminster sued the Texas-based retailer last month in Orange County Superior Court, claiming she was cracked in the head by a legless female dummy at its Westminster Mall store.

Newton said the incident happened nearly a year ago in the women's department, as she was shopping for a blouse. The only one in her size was on the mannequin.

That's when the fight ensued....

[Bibbitybop]

Is this a joke thread or a strange news story thread?

If you want strange news stories, visit fark.com.

[Young FRANKenstein]

[Wangja]

DOG CONTROL
The BBC has one of its usual contributor discussions going following the recent tragic death of a child. I was fascinated to see this respondents advice!

"I was told by an American firearms team that, if attacked by a big dog one should push one's hand as far down the throat of the dog as possible and lock the other free (and unbloody) arm around its neck, thereby stopping it moving away. The dog will eventually collapse. When asked the obvious question about its teeth, the American said, 'Whatever it's doing to your forearm, it ain't doing it to your groin."

Well that's a relief then!

++++++++++++++++++++

Seriously, ... and in response to yet another truly tragic case ...

... if you are ever confronted with a vicious dog attack on you or anyone around you :

Get hold of its two forelegs and pull apart as hard as you possibly can, as if snapping a wishbone. It will immediately debilitate (and possibly kill) the animal. It will break the breast bone and likely puncture its heart.

True.

+++++++++++++++

told my wife that ten minuites ago.
great to have confirmation.
my dad told me 60 years ago.
it may be true!
never had the need, but have stood in preparation!
maybe the dog knows something?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

To control a dangerous dog one should stand without outstretched arm pointing at the sky ,whistling as one lowers the arm to be pointing at the ground whilst staring at the dog in a manly fashion.I saw this in a film.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I find it is better to carry a spare cat in your coat pocket, it usually distracts them while you go and get the shotgun.







only joking. really!

[Young FRANKenstein]

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how does he do it. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1- Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2- There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3- There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4- Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5- Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6- We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7- The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8- David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9- When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10- We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11- When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me" .
12- The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry, .
13- The recommended grace before a meal is not "Rub-A-Dub-Dub, thanks for the grub, Yeah God."
14- Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

[Wangja]

[vexed]

[Young FRANKenstein]

Many languages use the concept of gender to categorize their nouns.
You may not know this but even in English, many non-living things have a gender. For instance:

Ziploc Bags are Male because they hold everything in, but you can see
right through them.

Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm
them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right
buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are
pushed.

A Tire is Male because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.

A Hot Air Balloon is Male because to get it to go anywhere, you have
to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.

Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on.

A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the
bottom.

A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000
years, but it's handy to have around.

A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd be male, didn't you?
But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it,
and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps
trying!

[numazawa]

This thread is a joke. No, in fact, it's several. I hope you're proud of yourselves!

[Wangja]

An English MP was on a goodwill trip to Scotland and during the course of his visit he was scheduled to visit a hospital in Glasgow. Upon arrival he was shown into a men's ward which was full of older gentlemen. He approached the first bed and said "Hello, how are you?" whereupon the man in the bed said:

"Wee sleekit cowrin' tim'rous beastie, O, what a panic's in thy breastie, thou need na start awa sae hasty, Wi' bickering brattle! I wad be laith to rin an' chase thee, Wi murd'ring pattle!

Somewhat nonplussed he smiled nervously and moved to the next bed, but before he could speak, the occupant of the bed began:

"Ye flowery banks o' bonie Doon, How can ye blume sae fair? How can ye chant, ye little birds, And I sae fu' o' care!"

Moving quickly on he came to the third bed, whose occupant began to rant: "Aye wud te gad the grace te gi'us te se ourselves as ithers see us".

By now completely confused the MP turned to the Doctor who was showing him round and said: "Is this the Psychiatric ward?", to which the doctor replied:

"No, it's the Serious Burns unit.

[Big_Bird]

haha...I liked that last one. I'm not sure how many here would be familiar with Robert Burns though.

[Wangja]

[Wangja]

edit double post

[Sleepy in Seoul]

A general was visiting one of the military hospitals in his charge for inspection one day. As was his wont, he would walk through the wards having supporting chats with some of the patients. As he entered the first ward, he approached one young soldier who was lying in bed looking fairly unhappy. The general said, "Good morning son, what's your name?"
The soldier replied, "Private Smith, sir!"
The general asked, "Why are you in this hospital?
Private Smith replied, "Genital warts, sir!"
The general was slightly taken aback, but gamely asked, "And what treatment are you receiving for this condition?"
Smith answered, "Stiff wire brush, first thing every morning, sir!
The general thought that he had better change the subject at this point, and asked, "Do you enjoy being a soldier son? What's your ambition in the army?"
Smith answered, "I want to be an officer, so I don't have to dig holes in the ground all the time, sir!" The general murmured, "Good, good", and moved on.

As he approached a second soldier, the general asked him, "Hello lad, what's your name?"
The soldier answered, "Private Jones, sir!"
"How are you, Private Jones?"
Jones replied, "Not too good, sir", in a mournful voice.
The general asked, "Why? What's wrong?"
Jones answered, "I have severe piles, sir."
The general winced and said, "You have my sympathy, son. And how are the staff here treating your condition?"
Jones replied, "They use a stiff wire brush first thing every morning sir."
That sounded really nasty, and the general started to think that he may have to talk to the doctors to find out what alternate methods of treatment could be used. He asked, "What will you do when you are better and can get back to work?"
Jones replied, "I want to rejoin my unit and get back with my mates, sir!" The general nodded sagely, then moved on.

As the general neared a third soldier, who was sitting in a chair in the sun, he asked, "What's your name?"
The soldier answered, "Corporal Brown, sir."
The general then asked, "Why are you in hospital?"
Brown responded, "Severe tonsilitis sir!"
The general thought, "At last, a decent illness." Then he continued, "I hope they are treating you well; what are they giving you for it?"
Brown answered, "Stiff wire brush, first thing every morning sir."
The general thought, "Not again!", and started to get a wee bit angry at the hospital staff. He then asked Corporal Brown, "And what's your ambition in the army, son?"
Brown answered, "To get the stiff wire brush FIRST every morning, sir!"

[swetepete]

A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender notices something odd.
"Mr. Pirate, why do you have a steering wheel attached to the crotch of your pants?"
The pirate shakes his head sadly and says,
"Arrrrrrrr...it's drivin' me nuts."