Korean Job Discussion Forums

[mack the knife]

You bought that book Ugly Koreans, Ugly Americans right? It's full of it. Let's review the "Ugly Americans" part:

1) Use the index finger whenever. Koreans use all their fingers to point at whatever whenever. And they're not above sticking their fingers in your face when angered. How in the hell do they deal with Italians, EVER?!

2) Point with index finger. *See above*

3) Steal a child's nose. Does anyone ever do this? What moron (from any country) does this anymore?

4) Shake hands firmly. Sorry, we're not ALL g.a.y. Deal.

5) Smoke in front of elders... Koreans smoke pretty much wherever they damn well please.

6) Using one hand to receive things. Sorry, I was too busy.

7) Sitting cross-legged. I know in some cultures if the bottom of your shoe points at the locals it's bad. Fine. You win this one.

8. Put their feet on the desk. Again, which moron does this anymore? Who the hell in Korea thinks they're Rupert Murdoch?

9) Don't stand up for superiors. I haven't yet met a human being who I feel is my superior, except maybe grandma.

10) Wave and don't bow. Like Koreans really bow anyway.

11) Make the "Uh-huh" sound. What. The. *beep* Koreans, to a goddam man, make that gawd awful "Unggg" sound all the time to everyone.

12) Keep hands in pockets. *see #6*

13) Cross their arms. Your country is goddam cold and you a) have the AC BLASTING at full power for 20 minutes once an hour because your peoples haven't figured out temperature control yet or b) you're too chincy to crank up the heater.

14) Too much eye contact. That's a problem eminating from YOU, Korea.

15) Chewing gum. Yeah, because Koreans just spit it out on the ground or wherever before meeting.

16) Kiss in public. Hyo-ri has turned the country upside down. Koreans gone wild are stripping in ecstasy on the hoods of SUVs in crowded streets on game day! Game. On.

17) Sit on table or desk. If you could make a decent goddam chair, not those duoback pieces of dog cack that keel over every time, we wouldn't have that problem, what?

18. Hold a pencil in their mouths. Unlike you, we're TRYING to quit smoking.

19) Wear shoes in the home. You win this round.

20) Listen to loud music in the car. Koreans do this all the time and don't get me started on the car horns and biker gangs. You wanna talk noise? You really wanna do this, Korea?

21) Jogging with no shirt. Agreed. Unless it's that Russian tennis player chick (any one of them will do).

22) Tennis shoes with the suit.

23) Men wear earrings. Sure, in the East Village.

24) Men have pony tails. No, they have mullets, which are far worse. Real men have FROS (NOT dreads). Even whitey.

25) Wear shorts whenever. Agreed, unless they're those late 70s, tiny bun-huggers that separate the real men from the wanna-bes. (hint: real men wear them).

26) Adolescent girls and makeup. Ooops, Britney did it again. She made every man in the world WANT HER. She WINS.

27) Wear strong fragrances. How can you smell it over the wet soju farts and kimchi breath anyway?

28. Wear loud colors. Some think that those who wear Hawaii patterns should be dragged into the street and shot. SCREW that NOISE. Hannibal Lector made them cool again, and Harvey Keitel made them cool FOREVER.

29) Silverware in the rice. Never happens. Not even one time has this ever happened anywhere.

30) Don't try new foods. Right. Like there isn't a single American that hasn't had Chinese, curry, or Tex-mex. Kiss my chalupa eating ass.

31) Take "no" as "no". America's the strongest country in the world for any number of reasons. Way up on that list is "calling a spade a spade".

32) Lick their fingers. What, are Cajuns meeting Koreans suddenly?!

33) Drink from the bottle. Sorry if I don't want to share your Hep A, Hep C, Bird flu, and whatever else you got from that *beep* you slept with last night, Mr. Bossman.

34) Eat wherever. Right, unlike all the kids who bring their ramyon, pusha-pusha, and ddukbokki into my classroom EVERY GODDAM DAY.

35) Don't pour drinks. Nonsense. We INVENTED booze, morons. Therefore, we invented SOCIAL DRINKING.

36) Begin drinking right away. Because I can't stand being around you. Get it?

37) Talk too much while eating. I'm trying to avoid eating the freshwater crabs that you guys eat that give you those worms that eat your brain. My bad.

38. English teachers don't pay for students' meals. Damn. Straight.

39) Call people by first names.

40) Aren't patient. Koreans have the patience of a male macaque in cue for the female during mating season.

41) Blow their noses loudly. Blame China. It's their *beep* that's clogging up the works.

42) Use sarcasm. All intelligent creatures do. Look at giraffes trying to drink. You think they HAVE to do that *beep*? No, it's for OUR benefit. They're taking the piss for us, and we should appreciate that.

43) Tease others. I've never heard another Korean call another Babo, ever. Have you?

44)........Ahhhh, screw it. I think I've made my point. It's getting late and what's the score, like 40 to 3, America?

Goodnight.

[Smurfette]

ok I'm guilty of #3. I steal my three year old students noses....some times I put em in my pocket and other times I just switch em with another kid....they love it....but I don't stick my thumb through my fingers...

[Fresh Prince]

I think you forgot Ugly American :
45): Not sticking their fingers up the, "you know where," of their teachers.

[Ahssakat]

"41) Blow their noses loudly. Blame China. It's their *beep* that's clogging up the works. "

Yeah - coz old (and young) guys hocking up phlegm every five minutes and spitting on the street is far more polite and socially refined.

I've been back 2 weeks - I've already completely disgusted.

kat

[jajdude]

I thought that book was intended to be funny. I liked the pictures. The American guy is sitting on a subway and the Koreans are sleeping or pretending to, and the American is absolutely alarmed! Unbelievable! What rudeness, closing your eyes on public transportation. Another one shows the American guy handing something to his Korean 'superior' or boss with one hand. The Korean guy is fuming! Livid.

Funny stuff. Good thing they pointed out that two countries separated by an ocean might be a bit different. It seems that comic book must be making a joke, showing characters reacting in extreme ways to insignificant things, as if they did not know cultural differences were even possible.

[mack the knife]

[thebum]

[Ahssakat]

[Atavistic]

[Roch]

[Smurfette]

[merkurix]

I read that book last year. If you also notice, the Korean cartoonist who illustrated the book had a penchant for drawing the foreigners' schozzes gi-nourmously huge, while the Korean characters had normal or microscopically "cute" button noses.

[shifter2009]

I am developing a hetrosexual man crush on Mack the Knife. His game over the last few days has been untouchable. Cracked me up more than a few times. Excellent work.

[Atavistic]

[jaderedux]

Almost did a coffee spray on my computer!

I read that book too. Some of it is shall we say a bit dated?

I applaud your your humor and I was pretty scared of my grandma too...she could reach a switch off a tree and make yoda look like amateur!

Thanks for the laugh I needed it....!

Jade