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chaz47
Joined: 11 Sep 2003
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 Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 12:20 am Post subject: how little do "average" people think? |
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i have wondered this lately... as it seems my girlfriend (a Korean in Korea) is hellbent on being shiny, plastic and perfect... she levels petty criticism at me concerning my music and interests saying things like "your personality is sooo bad"... and in general just implying that because i am not like all the other ants in the farm that i am less than worthy...
i try to chalk her attitude up to general bitchiness and cultural differences, but when i was back home in the US i think the same attitude was also pretty dominant...
in other words... don't think = don't worry = consume consume consume...
cliche i know...
has anyone else on here every had to present this idea to a significant other? i think this may be a serious irreconcilable difference... it smacks of total immaturity and an inability to open that thing called a mind...
without the language barrier i think i might have a hope of getting the point across to her... but... then again she has that native Korean zeal for always being right... fighting Dae Han Minguk!!!
i need a drink |
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mole
Joined: 06 Feb 2003
Location: Act III
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| Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 12:27 am Post subject: Re: how little do "average" people think? |
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| chaz47 wrote: |
... i think this may be a serious irreconcilable difference... it smacks of total immaturity and an inability to open that thing called a mind...
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You've already figured it out. Grow up and open your mind. |
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chaz47
Joined: 11 Sep 2003
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| Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 12:28 am Post subject: Re: how little do "average" people think? |
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| mole wrote: |
| chaz47 wrote: |
... i think this may be a serious irreconcilable difference... it smacks of total immaturity and an inability to open that thing called a mind...
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You've already figured it out. Grow up and open your mind. |
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ella
Joined: 17 Apr 2006
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| Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 1:38 am Post subject: |
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| "The unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates (who was likely a fellow INTP). |
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gang ah jee
Joined: 14 Jan 2003
Location: city of paper
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| Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 1:45 am Post subject: Re: how little do "average" people think? |
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| chaz47 wrote: |
| she levels petty criticism at me concerning my music and interests saying things like "your personality is sooo bad"... |
Did it ever occur to you that she might be right? |
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chaz47
Joined: 11 Sep 2003
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| Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 1:51 am Post subject: |
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| ella wrote: |
| "The unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates (who was likely a fellow INTP). |
I am an INFP.
1 in 1000, or so they say. |
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chaz47
Joined: 11 Sep 2003
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| Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 1:54 am Post subject: Re: how little do "average" people think? |
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| gang ah jee wrote: |
| chaz47 wrote: |
| she levels petty criticism at me concerning my music and interests saying things like "your personality is sooo bad"... |
Did it ever occur to you that she might be right? |
Hmmm... I was always taught that if you don't have anything nice to say, then you shouldn't say anything at all.
I have a BFA and it is a truism, "happy" people don't make art.
I guess they teach ESL or work in wage slavery or... starve. |
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Grimalkin
Joined: 22 May 2005
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| Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 3:37 am Post subject: Re: how little do "average" people think? |
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| chaz47 wrote: |
i have wondered this lately... as it seems my girlfriend (a Korean in Korea) is hellbent on being shiny, plastic and perfect... she levels petty criticism at me concerning my music and interests saying things like "your personality is sooo bad"... and in general just implying that because i am not like all the other ants in the farm that i am less than worthy...
i try to chalk her attitude up to general *beep* and cultural differences, but when i was back home in the US i think the same attitude was also pretty dominant...
in other words... don't think = don't worry = consume consume consume...
cliche i know...
has anyone else on here every had to present this idea to a significant other? i think this may be a serious irreconcilable difference... it smacks of total immaturity and an inability to open that thing called a mind...
without the language barrier i think i might have a hope of getting the point across to her... but... then again she has that native Korean zeal for always being right... fighting Dae Han Minguk!!!
i need a drink |
I've experienced the same thing and I can think of two explanations.
1) I first put that type of behaviour down to insecurity. I've found that insecure people often criticise other people in an (unconscious) attempt to make the other person feel less secure as well. In relationships the insecure person will try to undermine the other person's confidence to try to prevent the other person leaving them. Ironically it often just drives the other person away.
2) The second explanation I have cames from something I read quoted on Daves by a poster (unfortunately I can't remember the details). Anyway it was by an asian (possibly Korean) guy writing about the effect of a confuscian upbringing. It explained how the child is constantly belittled and humiliated to train it to conform and then the child as an adult will do the same (particularly in relationships with an outsider to try to get them to conform as well).
Your problem might well arise from a combination of the two.
I think you've got to decide
a) Is the rest of the relationship worth the constant criticism.
b) Would understanding the behaviour make it easier to put up with.
Ultimately, if it's really getting to you just call it quits.
(I'm also INFP but it years since I did Myers-Briggs and I can't remember what the N stands for...can you help?) |
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chaz47
Joined: 11 Sep 2003
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| Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 3:55 am Post subject: Re: how little do "average" people think? |
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| Grimalkin wrote: |
(I'm also INFP but it years since I did Myers-Briggs and I can't remember what the N stands for...can you help?) |
It's been awhile for me too.
Here's the wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/INFP |
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Grimalkin
Joined: 22 May 2005
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| Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 4:09 am Post subject: |
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Cheers.
(I was beginning to worry it stood for neurotic!)
Apparently INFP is the closest correlation to number 4 personality type in the Ennagram. |
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chaz47
Joined: 11 Sep 2003
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| Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 4:11 am Post subject: |
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| Yep. In the Enneagram I am a 5 with a strong 4 wing or a 5 with a strong 4 wing... it flips depending on my mood. |
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Grimalkin
Joined: 22 May 2005
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| Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 4:17 am Post subject: |
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I'm a 4 with a wing on either side (the worst combo in my opinion  ).
('Nuff said on that, I'm derailing your thread). |
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SirFink
Joined: 05 Mar 2006
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| Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 8:54 am Post subject: |
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| ella wrote: |
| "The unexamined life is not worth living." - Socrates (who was likely a fellow INTP). |
"I think therefore I am depressed." |
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kimchi story
Joined: 23 Nov 2006
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| Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 9:02 am Post subject: |
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Some say cogito ergo sum.
I say Mojito ergo sum.
And for the op - my solution to the same dilemma was divorce.
'Nuff said. |
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ella
Joined: 17 Apr 2006
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| Posted: Sat Jan 27, 2007 10:14 pm Post subject: |
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You can take a truncated version of the MBTI online (for free) here, for anyone else who's curious:
http://humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
I know there are types who go through life baa-ing through the herd (sheeple) and don't think about anything. I can't imagine life like that, and to a certain extent I think it's immoral. |
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