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bobbyhanlon
Joined: 09 Nov 2003
Location: 서울
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 Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2007 6:03 am Post subject: |
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when i first arrived in korea, what a fresh-faced, trusting and naive fellow i was. i met a girl who seemed like the kind to be a ho, but gave her the benefit of the doubt.. a few weeks later, i saw a post on none other than this very website, written by a guy who was having problems with his girlfriend. his description of her sounded exactly like the girl i'd met, so i pm'd him and lo and behold- the very same girl!
i've said this before on here, but i bet there are a few girls around who are known to more than one member of the venerable elscafe.com...
in any case.. i think being a foreign guy in korea is a double edged sword- shockingly easy to meet easy girls, but really hard to meet one nice girl. i had hoped for the latter, but i've totally given up now.. |
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Cynical Optimist
Joined: 26 Feb 2006
Location: S.E. Korea
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| Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2007 11:30 am Post subject: Re: re: |
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| oskinny1 wrote: |
| seoulunitarian wrote: |
| I think everyone should go into a relationship (if they expect it to be long-term) with the the expectation that their partner will cheat. Not only should they have that expectation, but they should inform their partner of that expectation, and make an occassional sexual laison permissable. Sex does not = love, and the sooner couples learn that, the longer more couples will stay together. The same body gets old after a while, but true love really never withers away. |
But I think she was dating another guy, not just some one night stand. Big difference.
To the OP. Gets some shots of you 2 "together" and be sure to show the other boyfriend. No reason she should be happy with the other guy as well. |
"Dating another guy" -- Correct -- well, at least as I've been told.
seoulunitarian -- I understand your point, but that's not exactly what I'm talking about.
Like I said, I understand indiscretions -- those that are a result of lust, passion, drunkenness, etc. It happens, it IS part of human nature. But we've also developed this uniquely human thing called "ethics". I think it's quite generally accepted that you should fess up when you commit such an indiscretion, and certainly it should not go on for an EXTENDED amount of time.
The thing I'm talking about is when someone hands you their heart on a f*ing platter and you decide to have at it with a butcher knife. This is done by accepting their love while not honestly returning it (while pretending to) and at the same time spending "quality time" (however you want to interpret it) with someone else. That is SUCH a heartless, cowardly, conscious-less thing to do, that it puts you back with the primates. |
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seoulunitarian
Joined: 06 Jul 2004
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| Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2007 4:45 pm Post subject: Re: re: |
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| flakfizer wrote: |
| seoulunitarian wrote: |
I suppose my point is that it is human nature to have more than one sexual partner. Anyone who sits back objectively and considers the actual nature of the human species must agree. It is only the ego drive of jealousy which forbids the one we love from having other sexual experiences. It's great if two people who are also partners are able to overcome their petty jealousies and accept the nature of things. I should also add that if one partner disagrees with the above mindset, the more accepting partner should sacrifice whatever urges he or she has to the relationship if they consider the relationship worth continuing.
Peace |
If by "human nature" you mean the fallen version, then yes, it is human nature to have more than one sexual partner. It is also human nature to want to hit of someone for offending you, to seek revenge on those who have wronged you, to have a me-first attitude in general. So what? Civility means not always giving into your own desires out of respect for others. And as for the "ego drive" you mention, what about the "ego drive" to please yourself at the expense of hurting your partner? |
Read my last sentence.
Peace |
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Wrench
Joined: 07 Apr 2005
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| Posted: Mon Mar 26, 2007 4:47 pm Post subject: |
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You should have did her analy  |
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flakfizer
Joined: 12 Nov 2004
Location: scaling the Cliffs of Insanity with a frayed rope.
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| Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 4:29 pm Post subject: Re: re: |
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| seoulunitarian wrote: |
| flakfizer wrote: |
| seoulunitarian wrote: |
I suppose my point is that it is human nature to have more than one sexual partner. Anyone who sits back objectively and considers the actual nature of the human species must agree. It is only the ego drive of jealousy which forbids the one we love from having other sexual experiences. It's great if two people who are also partners are able to overcome their petty jealousies and accept the nature of things. I should also add that if one partner disagrees with the above mindset, the more accepting partner should sacrifice whatever urges he or she has to the relationship if they consider the relationship worth continuing.
Peace |
If by "human nature" you mean the fallen version, then yes, it is human nature to have more than one sexual partner. It is also human nature to want to hit of someone for offending you, to seek revenge on those who have wronged you, to have a me-first attitude in general. So what? Civility means not always giving into your own desires out of respect for others. And as for the "ego drive" you mention, what about the "ego drive" to please yourself at the expense of hurting your partner? |
Read my last sentence.
Peace |
Oh, you mean the part where the mature, sophisticated, more highly evolved partner with no sexual restraint gallantly sets aside his more enlightened view in order to appease his "ego-driven",troglodytic monogamist? Yeah I got it. Monogamy is the bastion of the jealous and ego-driven while the sexually unrestrained are noble creatures not driven by ego at all. |
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rockstarsmooth
Joined: 01 Aug 2006
Location: anyang, baybee!
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| Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 4:35 pm Post subject: Re: re: |
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| seoulunitarian wrote: |
I think everyone should go into a relationship (if they expect it to be long-term) with the the expectation that their partner will cheat. Not only should they have that expectation, but they should inform their partner of that expectation, and make an occassional sexual laison permissable. Sex does not = love, and the sooner couples learn that, the longer more couples will stay together. The same body gets old after a while, but true love really never withers away.
Peace |
i am in absolute agreement with you. imo, people aren't truly meant to be monogamous, especially with our current lifespans. there's no way one can expect to stay monogamous to one person long term, it's ludicrous! and as you mentioned, sex is just sex, you can have fantastic sex without love, it's all about who has your heart.
rss 
 right now i'm listening to: editors - munich |
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seoulunitarian
Joined: 06 Jul 2004
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| Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 4:48 pm Post subject: Re: re: |
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| flakfizer wrote: |
| seoulunitarian wrote: |
| flakfizer wrote: |
| seoulunitarian wrote: |
I suppose my point is that it is human nature to have more than one sexual partner. Anyone who sits back objectively and considers the actual nature of the human species must agree. It is only the ego drive of jealousy which forbids the one we love from having other sexual experiences. It's great if two people who are also partners are able to overcome their petty jealousies and accept the nature of things. I should also add that if one partner disagrees with the above mindset, the more accepting partner should sacrifice whatever urges he or she has to the relationship if they consider the relationship worth continuing.
Peace |
If by "human nature" you mean the fallen version, then yes, it is human nature to have more than one sexual partner. It is also human nature to want to hit of someone for offending you, to seek revenge on those who have wronged you, to have a me-first attitude in general. So what? Civility means not always giving into your own desires out of respect for others. And as for the "ego drive" you mention, what about the "ego drive" to please yourself at the expense of hurting your partner? |
Read my last sentence.
Peace |
Oh, you mean the part where the mature, sophisticated, more highly evolved partner with no sexual restraint gallantly sets aside his more enlightened view in order to appease his "ego-driven",troglodytic monogamist? Yeah I got it. Monogamy is the bastion of the jealous and ego-driven while the sexually unrestrained are noble creatures not driven by ego at all. |
Now you've got it.
Peace |
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rawiri
Joined: 01 Jun 2003
Location: Lovely day for a fire drill.
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| Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 5:03 pm Post subject: |
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| Well 5 months isn't really that long. I think you have to harden your heart a bit over here and not fly into things as loneliness can create an overdependence on a new partner. If she had done this after a year or so then i would be pretty mad but as it is, you should just ditch her and move on. |
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Feloria
Joined: 02 Sep 2006
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| Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 5:50 pm Post subject: |
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| Dude-you're hurt and angry, and I can totally understand why. It sounds like you weren't going to let other people's opinions and such deter you from taking a chance on something you had hoped would be special. And now that you've been proven wrong, maybe in addition to the hurt and anger you might feel a bit embarrassed cuz 'they were right'.Well don't! You are the one who is the better person, and you will see that soon! Of course the pain is still there, and it sucks!! I can relate!! Feel better!! |
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seoulunitarian
Joined: 06 Jul 2004
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| Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 6:29 pm Post subject: re: |
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I am not discounting the hurt. I am offering a point of view to help get beyond the hurt. Some people have expectations that are begging hurt to come their way. One way to avoid hurt is to change your expectations.
Peace |
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mithridates
Joined: 03 Mar 2003
Location: President's office, Korean Space Agency
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| Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 8:58 pm Post subject: Re: re: |
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| seoulunitarian wrote: |
| I suppose my point is that it is human nature to have more than one sexual partner. Anyone who sits back objectively and considers the actual nature of the human species must agree. |
Not really. Some people just couldn't be bothered to cheat. |
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nautilus
Joined: 26 Nov 2005
Location: Je jump, Tu jump, oui jump!
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| Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 9:09 pm Post subject: Re: re: |
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| seoulunitarian wrote: |
| I suppose my point is that it is human nature to have more than one sexual partner. Anyone who sits back objectively and considers the actual nature of the human species must agree. |
In nature, there is only one species that is absolutely monogamous. In the black darkness of the deep sea, the tiny male anglerfish (perhaps one tenth the female�s size) detects and follows the scent trail of a female of his own species. Once found, he bites his chosen one and hangs on. His skin fuses to hers, their bodies grow together (he gets his food through a common blood supply and becomes essentially a sperm producing organ). They mate for life � a short life for the male.
http://www.wonderquest.com/animal-mate-for-life.htm |
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oxfordstu
Joined: 28 Aug 2004
Location: Bangkok
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| Posted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 10:54 pm Post subject: |
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| I read somewhere that 40% of Korean women cheat on their husbands. |
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flakfizer
Joined: 12 Nov 2004
Location: scaling the Cliffs of Insanity with a frayed rope.
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| Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 6:22 am Post subject: Re: re: |
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| seoulunitarian wrote: |
I am not discounting the hurt. I am offering a point of view to help get beyond the hurt. Some people have expectations that are begging hurt to come their way. One way to avoid hurt is to change your expectations.
Peace |
For example, if you have no expectations at all, you will never be hurt or let down. This is also a great way to raise kids. |
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seoulunitarian
Joined: 06 Jul 2004
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| Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 3:48 pm Post subject: Re: re: |
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| flakfizer wrote: |
| seoulunitarian wrote: |
I am not discounting the hurt. I am offering a point of view to help get beyond the hurt. Some people have expectations that are begging hurt to come their way. One way to avoid hurt is to change your expectations.
Peace |
For example, if you have no expectations at all, you will never be hurt or let down. This is also a great way to raise kids. |
I never expect to have kids. And I am not talking about having no expectations. I am talking about changing your expectations to more realistic ones. Please do not caricature my position. Just take it for what it is, and ignore it if you don't want to adopt it.
Peace |
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