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Leslie Cheswyck
Joined: 31 May 2003
Location: University of Western Chile
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 Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 10:28 pm Post subject: |
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| Big_Bird wrote: |
| Leslie Cheswyck wrote: |
| Is that written in stone? |
Well, if you have a huge disposable income and have no social conscience, life is usually a lot simpler. |
What, she owed this guy something? |
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RJjr
Joined: 17 Aug 2006
Location: Turning on a Lamp
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| Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 10:32 pm Post subject: |
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| Big_Bird wrote: |
| He has since told my sister that he deliberately got her pregnant as a way to keep her. |
My buddies and I would often joke around by saying, "Man, she's so fine I'll be poking the hole in the rubber to trap her!" I think this is the first confirmation of a guy actually doing it. |
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Big_Bird
Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: Sometimes here sometimes there...
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| Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 10:32 pm Post subject: |
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| Leslie Cheswyck wrote: |
| Big_Bird wrote: |
| Leslie Cheswyck wrote: |
| Is that written in stone? |
Well, if you have a huge disposable income and have no social conscience, life is usually a lot simpler. |
What, she owed this guy something? |
Sigh. My sister is too kind. Too good. He could manipulate her by making her feel sorry for him, and she was too young and inexperienced to see what was happening. She had become disillusioned with him, and was coming to the realisation that she needed to leave him. He could see that she was growing away from him, and that he was about to lose her. He acted (so he told her later) to keep her.
You might laugh and say she was silly. If being gentle, kind, and feeling sorry for someone you had been in a relationship with is silly, then yes, she was a very silly girl. 20/20 hindsight is great. Of course she wishes it had been different. |
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Big_Bird
Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: Sometimes here sometimes there...
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| Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 10:34 pm Post subject: |
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| RJjr wrote: |
| Big_Bird wrote: |
| He has since told my sister that he deliberately got her pregnant as a way to keep her. |
My buddies and I would often joke around by saying, "Man, she's so fine I'll be poking the hole in the rubber to trap her!" I think this is the first confirmation of a guy actually doing it. |
He's latin american, and claims this is normal behaviour in his circles. When his friends are going overseas, they try to get their women pregnant first, so they don't play around or leave them. |
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Leslie Cheswyck
Joined: 31 May 2003
Location: University of Western Chile
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| Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 10:50 pm Post subject: |
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| Big_Bird wrote: |
| Leslie Cheswyck wrote: |
| Big_Bird wrote: |
| Leslie Cheswyck wrote: |
| Is that written in stone? |
Well, if you have a huge disposable income and have no social conscience, life is usually a lot simpler. |
What, she owed this guy something? |
Sigh. My sister is too kind. Too good. He could manipulate her by making her feel sorry for him, and she was too young and inexperienced to see what was happening. She had become disillusioned with him, and was coming to the realisation that she needed to leave him. He could see that she was growing away from him, and that he was about to lose her. He acted (so he told her later) to keep her.
You might laugh and say she was silly. If being gentle, kind, and feeling sorry for someone you had been in a relationship with is silly, then yes, she was a very silly girl. 20/20 hindsight is great. Of course she wishes it had been different. |
I've been there, BB. I was Clint in Play Misty For Me. I wasted 15 months of my life because I didn't have the cajones to to just dump her. That and the free and easy *beep*.
But "social conscience"? Gimme a break. |
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Big_Bird
Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: Sometimes here sometimes there...
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| Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 10:53 pm Post subject: |
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You don't think life would be easier if you had no social conscience?  |
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Leslie Cheswyck
Joined: 31 May 2003
Location: University of Western Chile
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| Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 10:56 pm Post subject: |
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| Big_Bird wrote: |
| You don't think life would be easier if you had no social conscience? |
You want social conscience, date Mother Theresa. |
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caniff
Joined: 03 Feb 2004
Location: All over the map
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Big_Bird
Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: Sometimes here sometimes there...
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| Posted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 8:01 pm Post subject: |
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| Leslie Cheswyck wrote: |
I've been there, BB. I was Clint in Play Misty For Me. I wasted 15 months of my life because I didn't have the cajones to to just dump her. That and the free and easy *beep*.
But "social conscience"? Gimme a break. |
OK, I had half my mind on an assignment I was doing, and didn't express myself very well. What I should have said was that life must be easier if you lacked empathy. Too much empathy can get you into a lot of trouble. Like you, I wasted a lot of time (probably close to 3 years in total) because, twice, I couldn't bring myself to hurt someone I cared for by leaving them. Stupid really, because you just end up postponing their inevitable pain, and wasting both your time and theirs.
I know of an extreme case of this: a poor bugger who got himself in a real mess because he was kind to a fault, to the point of utter stupidity really... He and his girl wanted to move in together. His girlfriend's parents were Indian and had little inkling that their 30 year old daughter had long ago lost her virginity. The idea of her living with a guy out of wedlock was more than they could have apparantly borne. So thinking aloud he said, "we could tell them that we are engaged." She went off and told everyone he'd asked her to marry him! He was mortified, but confided to me that he didn't want to make a fool of her and so went along with the wedding...thinking he could quietly divorce her lately. Crazy! Bloody crazy! I still want to smack some sense into him for that. Anyway, she talked about babies, but said she wanted to wait a year or two before they started trying for them. She made it clear that this was her plan. So he assumed she was taking the pill. No, she wasn't! Suddenly she was up the duff...and his plans for a quiet divorce were shelved. He's pretty miserable about it. |
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ChimpumCallao
Joined: 17 May 2005
Location: your mom
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| Posted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 8:16 pm Post subject: |
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| Big_Bird wrote: |
| RJjr wrote: |
| Big_Bird wrote: |
| He has since told my sister that he deliberately got her pregnant as a way to keep her. |
My buddies and I would often joke around by saying, "Man, she's so fine I'll be poking the hole in the rubber to trap her!" I think this is the first confirmation of a guy actually doing it. |
He's latin american, and claims this is normal behaviour in his circles. When his friends are going overseas, they try to get their women pregnant first, so they don't play around or leave them. |
oh man...that explains it all. i wish i had known your sister as i could have told her to get that puto out of her life and back on his raft. your poor sister...
dunno about knocking chicks up on purpose but it is common to try and have babies soon- so that you can establish your family and therefore- as you are married with kids- they can then do what they want as it is harder to break up a family than a relationship. |
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Leslie Cheswyck
Joined: 31 May 2003
Location: University of Western Chile
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| Posted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 9:01 pm Post subject: |
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Exactly, BB. That's the situation I was in to a T. She was telling everyone we were getting married, pressuring me to buy her a ring, all that. I eventually did work up the courage to tell her it was over. And I felt guilty about it for a long time afterward.
But that was the only thing keeping it together --- guilt. I felt sorry for her. Not the strongest foundation for a relationship. Complete honesty, that's what my sister says. Complete honesty is the only thing you owe the other person. And that's been my policy with women ever since. Hassle free. |
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Big_Bird
Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: Sometimes here sometimes there...
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| Posted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 9:09 pm Post subject: |
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| Leslie Cheswyck wrote: |
Exactly, BB. That's the situation I was in to a T. She was telling everyone we were getting married, pressuring me to buy her a ring, all that. I eventually did work up the courage to tell her it was over. And I felt guilty about it for a long time afterward.
But that was the only thing keeping it together --- guilt. I felt sorry for her. Not the strongest foundation for a relationship. Complete honesty, that's what my sister says. Complete honesty is the only thing you owe the other person. And that's been my policy with women ever since. Hassle free. |
It's good you wised up. I wish I'd wised up much sooner than I did, I would have saved myself a lot of anguish, and had a lot more fun. And my sister....well.... I did my best to warn her about not feeling unnecessarily obligated to remain in a relationship you didn't really want...and that was long before I realised he was such a 'puto' (to borrow from Chimp). |
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Gopher
Joined: 04 Jun 2005
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| Posted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 9:22 pm Post subject: |
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Leslie: did the six-month break-up once myself. Know exactly where you're coming from.
| Big_Bird wrote: |
| He's latin american, and claims this is normal behaviour in his circles. When his friends are going overseas, they try to get their women pregnant first, so they don't play around or leave them. |
Common in Latin-American men and women, Big_Bird.
"Problems with your boyfriend? Stop taking the pill. He'll never know. Todo bien..." |
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Big_Bird
Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: Sometimes here sometimes there...
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| Posted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 9:30 pm Post subject: |
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| Gopher wrote: |
| Leslie: did the six-month break-up once myself. Know exactly where you're coming from. |
Did the 18 month break-up, twice. Bloody stupid me! And the last one wasted a further 3 years of his life trying to win me back. Stupid him!
| Gopher wrote: |
| Big_Bird wrote: |
| He's latin american, and claims this is normal behaviour in his circles. When his friends are going overseas, they try to get their women pregnant first, so they don't play around or leave them. |
Common in Latin-American men and women, Big_Bird.
"Problems with your boyfriend? Stop taking the pill. He'll never know. Todo bien..." |
I know...
And it's not just exclusive to Latin American women...or men... and I've never heard of it ending well either. Bloody stupid. |
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JongnoGuru
Joined: 25 May 2004
Location: peeing on your doorstep
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| Posted: Sat Apr 21, 2007 10:15 pm Post subject: |
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| Big_Bird wrote: |
| Gopher wrote: |
| Leslie: did the six-month break-up once myself. Know exactly where you're coming from. |
Did the 18 month break-up, twice. Bloody stupid me! |
18 months, huh? After it dawned on me that it was for the best, it took me nearly two years to completely break off a three-year romance. 
It was my first adult ("all the way") relationship, which is probably why: (a) I was desperately hopeful and fully convinced that we would be together forever, and (b) it was so incredibly hard to admit that I had to get out and then perplexing as the devil how to do that. Over the course of 14 months I went from disbelieving my own amazing good fortune to have a girl like her love me, to the most distraught and confused I've ever been in my life.
24 months! I win!!  ... damn. 
Thankfully... or sadly... all subsequent breakups have never taken more than a month at most, and some have been lightning fast. |
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