Korean Job Discussion Forums

willneverteachagain · Joined: 17 Dec 2006

sorry you had to go through this smooth, the loss of a friend is always hard and it doesnt matter what culture or country you are in when it happens. Being sad and thinking you could have done more to help her are normal feelings and if you have to be sad be sad but try not to beat yourself up over thinking you didnt help her enough.

jajdude · Joined: 18 Jan 2003

Sorry to hear this.

peppermint · Posted: Wed May 16, 2007 3:08 pm Post subject:

RSS, that's terrible. you'll be in my thoughts.

Adventurer · Joined: 28 Jan 2006

Adventurer · Joined: 28 Jan 2006

[quote="rockstarsmooth"]thanks all of you for your responses. i really appreciate your support. please know that i'm not feeling terribly guilty - beyond what i think is normal anyways in such situations - just really sad because i lost my friend, and because she really was hurting more than i knew. i'm okay, i just need to be sad for a while. her funeral started today, and i'm going to head over on friday to give my condolences to her parents and brother.
any tips on korean funeral etiquette? thus far i've been told to bring money and wear black. is there suicide etiquette?
wrench, you're a fucker and i expected no less from you. i have nothing else to say to you on the subject.
rss

Well, when I lost my friend who was so amazing. It wasn't suicide, but it was painful to have to go to his grave and not be able to see his great smile and hearty laugh. What could I do? What could I do? He was gone. I knew it. I am sure he would have said to me "Come on, man, don't be sad, you don't have time for that, enjoy your life, I'm gone, I had to go, you are here now".

"New York City can look so pretty from a bird's eye view..... because that's where I first kissed you.... a modern day romance, a perfect performance...." I'm singin'...

Sing something Rockstar, go to a Karaoke with some friends, don't let yourself get down..

Change the songs you're listening to:)

Woland · Joined: 10 May 2006 Location: Seoul

My condolences. Be sad, but also make sure that you take care of yourself in this sadness, so that you can feel more like yourself again soon.

kimchi story · Joined: 23 Nov 2006

That's tragic. I'll be thinking of you today.

storysinger81 · Joined: 25 Mar 2007 Location: Daegu

rss,

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss...

I'm not in Korea yet, but here in the states I work at a crisis/suicide hotline and you did everything right. What you did is called "contracting" with a suicidal person (where you ask them to promise to call before they act, even if they can't promise not to act).

I've been told that the 1 800 SUICIDE number we answer (there are several that all ring in) is international, but I wouldn't know how to dial it in Korea. I know that even if someone calls us and doesn't speak a lick of English we can get a translator and help them.

We get a lot of calls from concerned parties, too (worried about friends/family who are suicidal) and we try to do a quick education in suicide. For example, there are usually warning signs if you know what to look for and asking a person directly if they are suicidal will not "push them over the edge" and can help clarify their intention if you suspect they are suicidal. And that, ultimately, if a person is hell-bent on taking his own life, there is nothing you can do to stop it, so it is important to understand that you are in no way responsible. Suicide survivor issues can actually make a person suicidal themselves, so it is important to cope with your feelings and be around supportive people at this time (as other posters have suggested).

Someone suggested reporting or sending intervention if the person is not responding to your attempts to contact them... that is a good idea in the states. I don't know enough about the mental health system in Korea to know what would happen to a person who was threatening to kill him/her- self and was called in to the police. Over here, if they were a threat to themselves, they would be admitted to a psych facility in a hospital for a few days (max 72 hours without voluntary consent unless extreme danger to themselves or others). The facilities tend to be clean and well-regulated to be nonabusive (historically this was not always the case), although limited in their abilities to cope with long-term psychiatric needs.

Actually, even though I know I can't have a second job over there, I was trying to look at what crisis hotline services were available in Korea and I found one for domestic violence and rape counseling, but no specific suicide prevention line. If anyone knows of one, it would probably be worthwhile to post.

Take care, everyone...

Rapacious Mr. Batstove · Joined: 26 Jan 2007 Location: Central Areola

Sorry to hear about the bad news. Hang in there Rockstar. Keep yourself busy. Get outside and get some exercise, it does wonders for getting your balance back.

Bramble · Joined: 26 Jan 2007 Location: National treasures need homes

Rockstarsmooth, I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I hope you're OK now.

cangel · Joined: 19 Jun 2003 Location: Jeonju, S. Korea

My sympathies to the family and friends. I would say I felt sorry for her, but I don't know her particular situation. I've, unfortunately, dealt with 2 suicides and 2 accidental deaths of friends in my life. One of the suicides was with a friend who had a history of psychiatric problems since he was 6, so yes, I was very saddened to see him take his own life. The other was just selfish and stupid-a break up with a GF. I have zero sympathy for him although he was a friend. More angry I guess. If she was sick, my sympathies. If she was selfish, C'est la vie. Sympathies to the still living victims of this tragic occurrence.

kermo · Posted: Wed May 16, 2007 6:29 pm Post subject:

I'm sorry, RSS. It sounds like you did everything you could do.

Re: Korean funeral etiquette, I just had a talk about that with my students. The family rents two rooms-- one has a picture of the deceased and box to put money in (this helps cover the cost of the funeral which is often around 8-10 million won.) The family stands here. When you enter, bow (a kneeling, head to the floor bow, I believe) to the picture, and then bow to the family.

In the next room, there's food and drink, and people come and go in this room for three days and two nights. If you're a close friend, stay for a while, even overnight. If you're not so close, you can get away with a 30 minute visit.

I don't know how to put my feelings on suicide into words. I know what it's like when life is *almost* unbearable, and anyone who finds living intolerable has my sympathies. However, it has to take a kind of madness to actually go through with it, to deny the wreckage left behind, the helplessness, hurt, anger, loss that ripples through a community when someone makes that decision.

willneverteachagain · Joined: 17 Dec 2006

doggyji · Posted: Wed May 16, 2007 7:22 pm Post subject:

I am sorry. R.I.P. to her.