Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Wangja]

Man drowned in River Aire - When pulled out he was found to be wearing high heels, stockings, suspender belt, bra and a Leeds United shirt -

Police removed the shirt to avoid embarrassment to the family.

[Wangja]

One day God calls down to Noah and says, "Noah me old china, I want you to make me a new Ark". Noah replies, "No probs God, me old Supreme Being, anything you want, after all you're the guv' . . . ".

But God interrupts, "Ah, but there's a catch. This time Noah, I want not just a couple of decks, . . I want 20 decks one on top of the other".

"20 DECKS!", screams Noah. "Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say.

Should I fill it up with all the animals just like last time?"

"Yep, that's right, well . . sort of right . . this time I want you to fill it up with fish", God answers.

"Fish?", queries Noah

"Yep, fish. . . Well, to make it more specific Noah, I want carp, wall to wall, floor to ceiling - Carp!"

Noah looks to the skies. "OK God my old mucker, let me get this right.

You want a New Ark?"

"Check".

"With 20 decks, one on top of the other?".

"Check".

"And you want it full of Carp?".

"Check".

"Why?" asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the end of his tether

"Dunno", says God, "I just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp Ark".

[RACETRAITOR]

That Moses one sort of reminds me of this:
http://www.b3ta.com/questions/cults/post47754/
A British guy wrote the Gospel according to Jesus' mate Dave, which documents his years from 13 to 19, long thought lost. It's worth a read.

[Wangja]

[Wangja]

A Mormon was seated next to an Australian on a flight from London to Melbourne, Australia.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.

The Aussie asked for a rum and Coke, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Aussie then handed his drink back to the attendant and said "Me too. I didn't know we had a choice".

[cangel]

Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Hey, you know how to drive this thing?"

[Wangja]

[Wangja]

An elderly man was walking through the French countryside, admiring the beautiful spring day, when over a hedgerow he spotted a young couple making love in a field.
Getting over his initial shock he said to himself, "Ah, young love... ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers... C'est magnifique!", and continued to watch, remembering the good old day's that he'd once enjoyed.

Suddenly he gasped and said, "Mais... Sacre bleu! Ze woman she is dead!" before heading off as fast as he could to the town to tell Jean, the police chief.

He arrived at the Police Station, out of breath, and shouted, "Jean...Jean...zere is zis man, zis woman ... naked in farmer Gaston's field making love."

The police chief smiled and said, "Come, come, Henri you are not so old, remember ze young love, ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers? Ah,L'amour! Zis is OK."

"Mais non! You do not understand, ze woman, she is dead!"

Upon hearing this, Jean, leapt up from his seat, rushed out of the station, jumped on his push-bike, pedalled down to the field, confirmed Henri's story, and pedalled all the way back to call the doctor.

He picked up the telephone and screamed, "Pierre, Pierre! This is Jean, I was in Gaston's field, zere is a young couple naked having sex!"

To which Pierre replied, "Jean, I am a man of science. You must remember...it's spring, ze air, ze flowers, Ah, L'amour! Zis is very natural."

Jean, still out of breath, grasped in reply, "NON, you do not understand, ze woman, she is dead!"

Hearing this, Pierre exclaimed, "Mon dieu!" grabbed his black medicine bag, stuffed in his thermometer, stethoscope, and other tools, jumped in his car, and drove like a madman down to Gaston's field.

After carefully examining the participants he drove calmly back to Henri and Jean, who were waiting at the station.

When he got there, went inside, smiled patiently, and said, "Ah, mes amis, do not worry. Ze woman, she is not dead, she is British!"

[Wangja]

A very distinguished looking Indian lady walks into a tattoo shop and sits down. The owner, amazed at seeing such a sophisticated lady in his shop, runs over immediately and asks if he could help her. To his shock and utter delight, she lifts up her silk sari and points to her right inner thigh very high up.

"Right here," she says, "I want you to tattoo a clay lamp, and underneath it I want the word Diwali." Then she points to her left thigh just as high up, and says .....,

"On this side, I want you to tattoo an evergreen tree with lights and tinsel and an angel on top, and underneath it I want the word 'Christmas'."

The owner looks at her. " Lady, it's none of my business, but that is probably the most unusual request I've ever heard. Why in the world do you want to do that?"

"Well," the lady said�

"I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining that there's never anything good to eat between Diwali and Christmas........."

[Wangja]

Understanding Engineers - Take One:

Two instrumentation engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway.

"Understanding Engineers - Take Two:

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Take Three:

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes! "The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf! "The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello, George! What�s wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they? "The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight. "The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them. "The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Four:

Q. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
A. Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Take Five:

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?

"Understanding Engineers - Take Six:

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

[Nicco61]

A Catholic priest and a Rabbi were walking down the street when an eight year old boy comes out of the alley riding his bike.

The Catholic priest says "Quick let's fuuuck him."



The Rabbi says..........















"Out of what?"

[Nicco61]

EDITED.
Double Post

[Wangja]

This morning on the way to work I rear-ended a car at some lights, Whilst
not really paying attention.

Anyway the fella who was driving got out... And he was a dwarf!!!!

He said "I'm not happy"........

I said "Well which one are you then?"

[Wangja]

[Drunken Monkey]

An out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome is strolling around the
streets and bars of Soho one unemployed afternoon.

Walking down Dean Street, he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window
'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.

"Fu**ing get in there you c*nt!" he says to himself and goes to the bar.
"Get the fu**ing manager of this pigs*it middle class w*nkhole please you
c*nt", he says to a somewhat startled barman.

The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs. "Can I help you
sir?" he says "Yes you can you fat piece of s*it, I saw your poxy advert in
the c*nting window and I'm here to audition......w*nker."

The manager is naturally put off by the man's abrasive manner but his dire
need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition.

The first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too
involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries,
"Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?"
"That song, you big nosed tw*t, was called "Excuse me prime minister but I
just j*zzed in your daughter's eye, and now the c*nt's blind..."

"Oh" says the manager...err, can you play me another. Something a little
less 'lively'".
"W*nker" interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad that
leaves the manager in tears. The manager through his salty teardrops asks
him the title. "That little number was called 'Sometimes when you do a bird
up the sh*t box you get cr*p on your bell end'".

"I see" says the manager, "Have you got any songs with less offensive
titles?" "Well there's my jazz number 'Do you want me to split your
r*ngpiece', or there's the epic 'I don't care if you're older my dear,
you've still got nice jugs'".

"Look" says the manager interrupting, "I think you're a superb pianist but
the title of your songs are a little racy.

I will hire you on the condition that you do not introduce your songs or
speak to the audience".

"damn and blast it" says the pianist "Why not".

On his first night everything is going superbly the crowd is lapping up his
repertoire and his silence is being received as modesty. The only thing
putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous blonde
in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the tops of her
stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and inviting
cleavage.

During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking hard on that he
decides to go to the toilet and knock one out. Just as he has shot his load he
hears himself being re-introduced over the tannoy, so he rushes back to the
stage and finishes his act.

After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him.
"Hi" she says. "Hello" he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives. She
leans over and whispers in his ear, "Do you know your c*ck is hanging out of
your trousers and sp*nk is dribbling onto your shoes?"

Placing his beer confidently on the bar, the pianist grins, looks her square
in the eye and yells........... "Know it?" - "I Fu**ing wrote it!!!"