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princess
Joined: 16 Jan 2003
Location: soul of Asia
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 Posted: Mon May 28, 2007 7:19 am Post subject: relationship dilemmas |
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| I have a friend of mine who is wondering about something. I don't really know what to say about this situation. My friend is in her early 30s and she met a new guy who is Korean and 26...25 western age. My friend married the wrong person when she was 21 and was divorced by 24. She has no kids with this ex. Is it OK to see a man and never tell him that you were married before? Especially when it happened back when you were so young(21) and ended at 24, and there are no kids involved? Why would he even have to know????? |
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mikowee
Joined: 03 Aug 2006
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2007 7:24 am Post subject: |
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| If she's got a reason to keep it a secret, he's got a reason to know. |
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rockstarsmooth
Joined: 01 Aug 2006
Location: anyang, baybee!
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2007 7:27 am Post subject: |
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whew princess, you sure have a lot of "friends" with k-boy trouble.
rss 
 right now i'm listening to: sufjan stevens - vito's ordination song |
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princess
Joined: 16 Jan 2003
Location: soul of Asia
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2007 7:39 am Post subject: |
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| mikowee wrote: |
| If she's got a reason to keep it a secret, he's got a reason to know. |
Really though, why would he need to know. Like I said, zero kids, and she hasn't spoken to the ex in 10 years, and can't stand the guy. He's permanently out of the picture. |
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just alittlecrazy
Joined: 30 Nov 2006
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2007 8:17 am Post subject: |
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depends if they�re wanting a serious long term relationship.
maybe not say it straight out early on but if the subject comes up later its best to be honest or do they want a relationship based on secrets and lies? |
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wo buxihuan hanguoren
Joined: 18 Apr 2007
Location: Suyuskis
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2007 8:32 am Post subject: Re: relationship dilemmas |
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| princess wrote: |
| I have a friend of mine who is wondering about something. I don't really know what to say about this situation. My friend is in her early 30s and she met a new guy who is Korean and 26...25 western age. My friend married the wrong person when she was 21 and was divorced by 24. She has no kids with this ex. Is it OK to see a man and never tell him that you were married before? Especially when it happened back when you were so young(21) and ended at 24, and there are no kids involved? Why would he even have to know????? |
Why are you asking us white folk about Korean culture? Surely you could just ask one of your many many Korean friends, or, I don't know, consult the Lonely Planet Korea? |
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merkurix
Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Location: Not far from the deep end.
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2007 10:42 am Post subject: Re: relationship dilemmas |
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| princess wrote: |
| I have a friend of mine who is wondering about something. I don't really know what to say about this situation. My friend is in her early 30s and she met a new guy who is Korean and 26...25 western age. My friend married the wrong person when she was 21 and was divorced by 24. She has no kids with this ex. Is it OK to see a man and never tell him that you were married before? Especially when it happened back when you were so young(21) and ended at 24, and there are no kids involved? Why would he even have to know????? |
A secret is best kept between three people if two of them are dead. If your friend is just dating around, I suppose there's no harm in disclosing that at some point. But if she is marriage-minded I think that might be too dark of a secret to keep from someone who you plan to spend the rest of your life with. It's gonna haunt; that's ga-rawn-teed. I'm assuming your friend is Western; there is a good chance that sooner or later (especially if she is planning to move to her home country) the ex may pop around, or the new husband may stumble across some evidence of her previous marriage, or some mean person will blab out the secret. Anyways, you always seem to have so many friends with interesting stories, princess. |
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blackjack
Joined: 04 Jan 2006
Location: anyang
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2007 2:10 pm Post subject: |
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| If you were dating a guy that was married years ago would you want to know? how would you feel if you found out one day and he had never told you? would you trust him? If you can honestly say that you would not want to know and that if you found out it would change nothing then there is your answer |
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princess
Joined: 16 Jan 2003
Location: soul of Asia
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2007 3:02 pm Post subject: Re: relationship dilemmas |
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| merkurix wrote: |
| princess wrote: |
| I have a friend of mine who is wondering about something. I don't really know what to say about this situation. My friend is in her early 30s and she met a new guy who is Korean and 26...25 western age. My friend married the wrong person when she was 21 and was divorced by 24. She has no kids with this ex. Is it OK to see a man and never tell him that you were married before? Especially when it happened back when you were so young(21) and ended at 24, and there are no kids involved? Why would he even have to know????? |
A secret is best kept between three people if two of them are dead. If your friend is just dating around, I suppose there's no harm in disclosing that at some point. But if she is marriage-minded I think that might be too dark of a secret to keep from someone who you plan to spend the rest of your life with. It's gonna haunt; that's ga-rawn-teed. I'm assuming your friend is Western; there is a good chance that sooner or later (especially if she is planning to move to her home country) the ex may pop around, or the new husband may stumble across some evidence of her previous marriage, or some mean person will blab out the secret. Anyways, you always seem to have so many friends with interesting stories, princess. |
Thank you for your advice. I am pretty sure the ex won't ever pop back around. They have had zero contact for over 10 years. She wouldn't even live anywhere near the piece of crap even if she lived in the states again. |
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cosmo
Joined: 09 Nov 2006
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2007 3:44 pm Post subject: Re: relationship dilemmas |
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| princess wrote: |
| I have a friend of mine who is wondering about something. Is it OK to see a man and never tell him that you were married before? Why would he even have to know????? |
Honesty is the best policy.
Tell him straight away. Sooner the better.
Tell him that and everything else about her history.
Tell him how many sexual partners she had.
Tell him how many times they did it.
Tell him what positions they did it in.
Honesty is the top priority in a relationship.
Trust me, I've been there. |
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pkang0202
Joined: 09 Mar 2007
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2007 3:47 pm Post subject: |
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| I'd say it depends on how serious the relationship becomes. If its gotten to the point where the guy is about to propose then she should tell him. |
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blynch
Joined: 25 Oct 2006
Location: UCLA
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| Posted: Mon May 28, 2007 11:46 pm Post subject: Re: relationship dilemmas |
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| princess wrote: |
| I have a friend of mine who is wondering about something. I don't really know what to say about this situation. My friend is in her early 30s and she met a new guy who is Korean and 26...25 western age. My friend married the wrong person when she was 21 and was divorced by 24. She has no kids with this ex. Is it OK to see a man and never tell him that you were married before? Especially when it happened back when you were so young(21) and ended at 24, and there are no kids involved? Why would he even have to know????? |
Are you that bored? 
So you are in your 30's and still single... I understand... you are desperate... |
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Pak Yu Man
Joined: 02 Jun 2005
Location: The Ida galaxy
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 8:06 am Post subject: |
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Hey Princess. Tell your "friend " wink wink to be dishonest and tell him nothing. Relationships and the truth have nothing to do with each other.
TROLL. |
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blynch
Joined: 25 Oct 2006
Location: UCLA
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 8:10 am Post subject: |
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| Pak Yu Man wrote: |
Hey Princess. Tell your "friend " wink wink to be dishonest and tell him nothing. Relationships and the truth have nothing to do with each other.
TROLL. |
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jinks
Joined: 27 Oct 2004
Location: Formerly: Lower North Island
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 3:00 pm Post subject: Re: relationship dilemmas |
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| cosmo wrote: |
| princess wrote: |
| I have a friend of mine who is wondering about something. Is it OK to see a man and never tell him that you were married before? Why would he even have to know????? |
Honesty is the best policy.
Tell him straight away. Sooner the better.
Tell him that and everything else about her history.
Tell him how many sexual partners she had.
Tell him how many times they did it.
Tell him what positions they did it in.
Honesty is the top priority in a relationship.
Trust me, I've been there. |
I agree that honesty is the best policy, but I really don't want to know about my partner's fabulous sex life with previous lovers/spouses. I really don't.
To the OP, things like ancient history marriages and divorces can come back and bite you if you try and conceal them from people who should know. How come your friend can confide in you, but not with the man she loves and wants to spend her future with? |
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