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Korean Job Discussion Forums "The Internet's Meeting Place for ESL/EFL Teachers from Around the World!"
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mrsquirrel
Joined: 13 Dec 2006
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 8:00 pm Post subject: |
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Does it really matter if somebody stares at you?
Is it such an offensive thing to do to look at something which is alien to the environment that they live in.
I stared at a piece of white dog crap for a good five minutes a year or so ago. I hadn't seen white dog crap since I was a child. I had wondered where it had gone and it was alien to me so I stared at it. |
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Dev
Joined: 18 Apr 2006
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 8:23 pm Post subject: |
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| mrsquirrel wrote: |
Does it really matter if somebody stares at you?
Is it such an offensive thing to do to look at something which is alien to the environment that they live in.
I stared at a piece of white dog crap for a good five minutes a year or so ago. I hadn't seen white dog crap since I was a child. I had wondered where it had gone and it was alien to me so I stared at it. |
Of course it's offensive. It's a form of non-verbal communiation. It says "you're strange" and not a good kind of strange.
Compare the way a Korean baby stares at you with the way a Korean adult stares at you. The baby's face is relaxed and full of wonder. The adult face is usually tense with the eye's in a "deers in the headlights" expression.
Why don't you stare at people back at home? Because you know they won't like it, right?
If you have to question why it's offensive, why don't you try this experiment at home and ask people why they're upset with you? |
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ajgeddes

Joined: 28 Apr 2004 Location: Yongsan
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 8:32 pm Post subject: |
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| mrsquirrel wrote: |
| Is it such an offensive thing to do to look at something which is alien to the environment that they live in. |
So, should we stare at Koreans anytime we see them outside of Korea? Or for that matter, anytime we see them in a clean public place, in Korea?
No. |
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Mix1
Joined: 08 May 2007
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 8:35 pm Post subject: |
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| mrsquirrel wrote: |
Does it really matter if somebody stares at you?
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Sometimes it really does matter, yes. But I agree, usually it doesn't and it pays to just ignore it.
Are you a female? ( sorry, not sure if it's mrs quirrel or mr squirrel) Men and women tend to think differently on some matters like this.
Ever had a whole group of Korean guys staring at you like they want to kill you because you happen to be with a Korean women? Sometimes it's hard to supress the fight or flight response when the stares are aggressive. Ever stare aggressively for a long time at a baboon or gorilla or tiger in a zoo? Watch their reactions. Like it or not, humans tend to respond to outer environmental stimuli ... of which staring is one. How you react is a different matter.  |
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jcan
Joined: 08 Oct 2006
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 8:37 pm Post subject: |
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| whenever someone stares rudely at me, I make a funny face. Cross my eyes, open them as wide as I can, open my mouth, etc. |
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flint
Joined: 11 Apr 2004
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 9:08 pm Post subject: |
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My first year in Korea I didn't notice it as much. When I did I just tended to slough it off. I really started noticing it more in my second year here. A friend of mine from the US ALWAYS noticed when he was being stared at. It made me start paying more attention. And it isn't just that they are looking, it is like others say, the way they stare is hostile or insulting. Add in the pointing, the poignant moan of "waaaaygooookin", or whatever other stupid comment they make at the time and it is insulting.
One day I decided to find out if it was rude in Korea or not. Some people (apologists) tried saying it was cultural not rude. Well, according to Korean's it is rude. They would never stare at a Korean like that, or point, especially if the person were older. (Talking about what is considered rude and not rude can make for interesting discussions in class.)
One of the stupidest places I have seen this is at Incheon Airport. You will see Korean's all agog because there are foreigners at an ... INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT.
Once I was at Burger King there with a friend before our flights. The Koreans sitting beside us kept glancing over to stare and nattered waygooking this and megookin that. My friend understand most of what they said and ended up lighting into them for being rude. They left and were replaced by another couple who started doing the same thing. Seriously, who the **** goes to an International Airport and is surprised to see foreigners there?
I was only in Japan for a couple of days last year but initially it felt strange. Then I realized why. No one was staring. No one was pointing. There were no comments being bandied about saying "gaijin" this or that. It was refreshing. When I got back to Korea I wasn't out of customs/immigration 5 minutes before I was subjected to staring, pointing, and other stupidity. One guy almost tore his wifes arm off as he spun her around while pointing and moaning wayyyygook! waaaygook! |
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normalcyispasse

Joined: 27 Oct 2006 Location: Yeosu until the end of February WOOOOOOOO
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 9:12 pm Post subject: |
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I've been following this thread with interest.
I live in Yeosu, prospective home of the 2012 World Expo. Yeosu is REALLY EXCITED that it has a chance to be host to the Expo, and to show the world that it's a grown-up city.
Still, though, stares EVERY DAY. I moved here in October 2005 and every single day I've been stared at. Yes, I'm a big white guy -- yes, I'm a foreigner. Wow! I've taken either to staring right back at them or, when I hear "waygookin!" or "miguksaram!" I tell them (in Korean) that, no, I'm a Korean person.
God, I hate being a zoo creature. I won't miss that when I leave. |
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Doogie
Joined: 19 Jan 2006 Location: Hwaseong City
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 9:19 pm Post subject: |
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| normalcyispasse wrote: |
I've been following this thread with interest.
I live in Yeosu, prospective home of the 2012 World Expo. Yeosu is REALLY EXCITED that it has a chance to be host to the Expo, and to show the world that it's a grown-up city.
Still, though, stares EVERY DAY. I moved here in October 2005 and every single day I've been stared at. Yes, I'm a big white guy -- yes, I'm a foreigner. Wow! I've taken either to staring right back at them or, when I hear "waygookin!" or "miguksaram!" I tell them (in Korean) that, no, I'm a Korean person.
God, I hate being a zoo creature. I won't miss that when I leave. |
Same here. I'm also a big white man and hardly a day goes by when people don't stare at me. I really wouldn't care if they were quick, curiosity glances but they aren't. They are the prolonged, neck straining stares. Culture differences aside, that's just rude. Anyway, I am leaving Korea in a few months with good memories. The staring, however, is something I will certainly not miss. |
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mrsquirrel
Joined: 13 Dec 2006
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 10:18 pm Post subject: |
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| Mix1 wrote: |
| mrsquirrel wrote: |
Does it really matter if somebody stares at you?
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Sometimes it really does matter, yes. But I agree, usually it doesn't and it pays to just ignore it.
Are you a female? ( sorry, not sure if it's mrs quirrel or mr squirrel) Men and women tend to think differently on some matters like this.
Ever had a whole group of Korean guys staring at you like they want to kill you because you happen to be with a Korean women? Sometimes it's hard to supress the fight or flight response when the stares are aggressive. Ever stare aggressively for a long time at a baboon or gorilla or tiger in a zoo? Watch their reactions. Like it or not, humans tend to respond to outer environmental stimuli ... of which staring is one. How you react is a different matter.  |
I loved baring my teeth at monkeys at the zoo or in safari parks.
The fact is you are going to get stared at in a country where 99% of the population are different to you. I have never read of any travel writers or adventures complaining about adults and children staring at them in Africa or South America. Billy Connolly even enjoyed it.
The constant moaning and complaining about things like this just says that if it bothers you then go back to wherever you came from and revel in being not noticed.
It happens all over Asia. Happened for all the years that I lived in small town Thailand. No different to here and it didn't bother me then either.
I think one of the problems with topics like this are there appears to only be Koreaphiles and Koreahaters here on this board., There doesn't appear to be many people who are just living here and going about their everyday lives. |
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Qinella
Joined: 25 Feb 2005 Location: the crib
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 10:20 pm Post subject: |
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The stone face was already mentioned in the OP, so why is it being ignored by the OP and others? It's just a standard look for many Koreans, especially older ones, and is not necessarily hostile. I can't even count how many times I've had someone give me the "hostile staredown" and then crack a smile and bow to me when I'd greet them.
You can try being cool to people and seeing what happens. It's not like everyone's out to get you.
And, yes, I will throw this in here: I was just in the US for a few months and I paid a lot of attention to public behavior vs. Korean public behavior. Any time I saw a mixed race couple, people were staring, although not as conspicuously as they do in the US. A lot of times, the couple would walk by, and then everyone would turn and look at them from behind. A lot of non-whites were stared at by whites. I'd even find myself staring at people who looked different. It's a curiosity, and a thing that piques one's interest, and you'd have to be a douche bag to assume it's always because the person doesn't like you.
Lotta you real full of yourselves. |
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ajgeddes

Joined: 28 Apr 2004 Location: Yongsan
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 10:27 pm Post subject: |
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| Sometimes when people are really, really, really staring at you, just start doing weird things. Act like a monkey and pretend to pick the lice out of your hair and start eating it. Scratch the top of your head and armpit at the same time. Then just stop suddenly and look right back at the person and laugh. I did this once, and the person snapped right out of it and laughed as well. |
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Julius

Joined: 27 Jul 2006
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 11:13 pm Post subject: |
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That thousand yard stare is certainly irritating. Its virtually always from men.
Problem with reacting to bad behaviour in korea is that its constant and unrelenting, so you're going to exhaust yourself rebuffing it 365 days a year.
The staring and the obvious social ostracism are the double whammy. |
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Dev
Joined: 18 Apr 2006
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 11:36 pm Post subject: |
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| mrsquirrel wrote: |
| Mix1 wrote: |
| mrsquirrel wrote: |
Does it really matter if somebody stares at you?
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Sometimes it really does matter, yes. But I agree, usually it doesn't and it pays to just ignore it.
Are you a female? ( sorry, not sure if it's mrs quirrel or mr squirrel) Men and women tend to think differently on some matters like this.
Ever had a whole group of Korean guys staring at you like they want to kill you because you happen to be with a Korean women? Sometimes it's hard to supress the fight or flight response when the stares are aggressive. Ever stare aggressively for a long time at a baboon or gorilla or tiger in a zoo? Watch their reactions. Like it or not, humans tend to respond to outer environmental stimuli ... of which staring is one. How you react is a different matter.  |
I loved baring my teeth at monkeys at the zoo or in safari parks.
The fact is you are going to get stared at in a country where 99% of the population are different to you. I have never read of any travel writers or adventures complaining about adults and children staring at them in Africa or South America. Billy Connolly even enjoyed it.
The constant moaning and complaining about things like this just says that if it bothers you then go back to wherever you came from and revel in being not noticed.
It happens all over Asia. Happened for all the years that I lived in small town Thailand. No different to here and it didn't bother me then either.
I think one of the problems with topics like this are there appears to only be Koreaphiles and Koreahaters here on this board., There doesn't appear to be many people who are just living here and going about their everyday lives. |
You mention Africa. I've seen lots of shows with white people going to Africa and lots of children staring at them. The big difference is that unlike Koreans, they're smiling, looking very relaxed and happy to see the white people. I don't sense much happiness when Koreans see me. It's usually a look of unease or unhappiness. |
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Lao Wai

Joined: 01 Aug 2005 Location: East Coast Canada
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 11:36 pm Post subject: |
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| Qinella wrote: |
The stone face was already mentioned in the OP, so why is it being ignored by the OP and others? It's just a standard look for many Koreans, especially older ones, and is not necessarily hostile. I can't even count how many times I've had someone give me the "hostile staredown" and then crack a smile and bow to me when I'd greet them.
You can try being cool to people and seeing what happens. It's not like everyone's out to get you.
And, yes, I will throw this in here: I was just in the US for a few months and I paid a lot of attention to public behavior vs. Korean public behavior. Any time I saw a mixed race couple, people were staring, although not as conspicuously as they do in the US. A lot of times, the couple would walk by, and then everyone would turn and look at them from behind. A lot of non-whites were stared at by whites. I'd even find myself staring at people who looked different. It's a curiosity, and a thing that piques one's interest, and you'd have to be a douche bag to assume it's always because the person doesn't like you.
Lotta you real full of yourselves. |
Where in the h-ell are you from in the U.S.? People staring at mixed race couples in a more pronounced than they do in Korea? Yeah, right! Maybe in Nowhereville, Alabama. I've lived in Toronto before. Most people there could give a rats a$$ about mixed couples. I know a mixed couple from Vancouver who said that nobody ever looks at them strangely. Now, when they went to Mainland China...that was different story..her being ethnically Chinese and him being Caucasian.
As for Whites staring at Non-whites...there's a difference between flicking your eyes in someone's direction and the 'slack-jawed local' stares one might encounter in Korea.
I'm from a very small city in Canada that has whites as the majority. I've also watched peoples' public behaviour toward non-whites (after I had been in Korea for a year). Yes, white people might 'LOOK' at the non-white person for a second...but that's it. I'll have to ask my brother's ex-girlfriend about this. She is half-white, half-filippina. Her hair, eye and skin colour are all dark. I'm pretty sure my brother would have mentioned to me during the whole 4 years they were dating if people had been staring at them.
I catch people in Hong Kong 'looking' at me, from time to time. However, if we make eye contact they will look away or back to their book, phone, whatever. It's fine because I look at people too. I had experiences in Busan where people would just full-on stare even when I stared back (I always lost this stare down).
Last edited by Lao Wai on Sun Jun 24, 2007 11:55 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Dev
Joined: 18 Apr 2006
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 11:41 pm Post subject: |
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I don't like the staring because it's a form of negative communication. By recognizing my presence with a stare, they're communicating with me. The problem is, I rarely feel that what is being said to me by the gesture is positive.
I wish these people would consider more how they interact with foreigners. If you wanna interact with me, say "Hi" for God's sake.  |
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