Korean Job Discussion Forums

[koreakowboy]

Sorry for the dramatic subject heading, although that is precisely what happened and I thank you for taking the time to read the following.

I am a GEPIK teacher and will post the following letter written to the GEPIK liason. At this point I will leave out the the school name and any personal details. If any of you can think of a better way to handle this I am open to all PROFESSIONAL suggestions or perhaps people I could contact. I am a certified teacher, and have been in Korea for nearly 3 years so culturally I am prepared for the worst, which means there is nothing I can do. Here is what happened:

Those concerned:

I had learned earlier today that a small group of female, first grade middle school students had been caught with cigarettes and soju at the school. I understood there would be serious consequences for the students and witnessed the usual various corporal punishments being carried out and the teachers following the guidelines for such behaviour.

At approximately 4pm, I noticed a commotion just outside one of the staffroom doors. (I share the staffroom with the 13 other teachers and the vice-principal at the school). I saw the teachers moving toward the staffroom door and also saw an adult man who I was not familiar with being restrained by the vice-principal just outside the door. I then heard a female voice scream and I moved toward another door of the staffroom. I knew something was wrong and gestured to the only other male teacher, the physical education teacher, to move into the hallway. As soon as I stepped into the hallway I saw the unidentified man push a grade 1 female student's head into the bathroom door, strike her face and then pull her hair. By the time this had happened I had moved myself between the man and the student and forced the man back away from the student. He was then restrained by the vice-principal and I was restrained by the physical education teacher.

I immediately demanded the police be called and was shocked and dismayed that this was not being carried out. I was ordered to calm down by my co-teacher and told he was the father, he was angry and this was acceptable. After a number Korean teachers told me everything was ok I felt completely disgusted, left the school, tried to calm down but could not and filed a phone report to the office of ______.

I am well of corporal punishment within the Korean school system and the cultural implications of a largely female staff to be completely powerless in this situation. However for a parent to come to the school, beat his daughter in front of nearly the entire staff and a number of grade 1 students and then be told this was acceptable is extremely aggravating and frankly sickening.

My contract will be completed on August 31st and I recently gave the staff and school an exemplary evaluation. I will have to state that this evaluation be retracted based on professional negligence by both the staff and administration at _____ School. As of yet I will eagerly await the actions of the Gyeonngi school board in dealing with this matter. I personally feel the father should be charged with assault and child abuse. If some sort of action is not taken I will be forced to resign from _______ School and will be discussing legal action with the labour board concerning both my school and the Gyeonggi board of education.

Sincerely,

_______

[Crowzone]

This is culturally acceptable in Korea..

You don't have to like it, you can try to shout out about it, but since you're not Korean, your voice isn't going to matter all that much.

I understand your distaste of the situation, but I bet you that girl won't be drinking soju or smoking any cigarettes for a while..

[spliff]

Cigs and soju...I wonder if they're still virgins...

[jvalmer]

The girl might be back at school with a shaved head... Now that would be cruel.

What the father did, under the circumstances, is culturally acceptable. I think I would have have done the same thing. If you take this compliant any further, you'll just be viewed as an arrogant foreigner. Just finish out your contract and move on.

[khyber]

I'll probably get torn a new one for this but I think that you may want to reconsider fully retracting your previous statement.
IF your school had been "great" for the last year, then they should be reviewed as great with this incident playing a mark against them.
'Proffesional negligence" is, apparently, a culturally relative term as professionalism in Korean public school seems to be generally lacking anyways.

I don't want to sound like I'm condoning the actions of the school, but you should expect these teachers (especially mild mannered K-women) to not take a particularly "aggressive" (confrontational) stance against a parents, let alone a man.

[kimchi_pizza]

I feel for you koreakowboy, but let it go. It is a part of the culture here and as much as you are disturbed by it, it is acceptable behavior more so between a father and his children no matter the location, cause and the form of punishment (well, just short of death or dismemberment). Don't fight it and more importantly don't try to change it or it'll leave such a bitter taste in your mouth that that bitterness will creep into your consciousness and it will be a much harder time for you here.

The daughter caused the father to lose face and an embarrassment for his apparent lack of parental skills and he took it out on her in public to make up for it. To interfer and possibly cause the father more embarrassment (as well as the school) may make it that much harder for the student. Least, that's what I think. So let it go. Your actions, while understandable and reasonable back home, is "foreign" here and it will make it harder for yourself.

Chalk it up to experience and to better prepare yourself for when it happens again and rest assured, it WILL happen again. Let the Korean staff and admin deal with the situation for they will do what's best though it may seem trivial or nothing in your eyes. I commend you for trying though....

[Crowzone]

It is my personal belief that any time a foreigner steps in on one of these male/female domestic assaults they are really ONLY making things worse for the female (or I suppose male) involved.

By stepping in you basically are really further aggravating the situation and guess who is going to bear the brunt of this? It isn't going to be you... So the poor girl is probably begging you to stay out of it -- how many times do you hear "It is fine! It is fine!" -- they know that if you interfere you really are just making things worse for them. Not only did they get caught drinking soju and smoking cigs, but now the father got humiliated by a FOREIGNER?!?!?!?!

[Tjames426]

Americans and Canadians really need to get off their "political correct crap" and learn about life in other countries. Children and Adults interact differently in other cultures. Parents have rights over their own children outside of North American puke culture.

You obviously don't know anything about "cultural values" outside North America.

What, you think the other Koreans did not know what was going on??
Are you really that stupid to think they "did not" care about the girl??

By interfering in a "family" dispute you showed the worst of the "ugly Americana" and the "White man's Burden" syndrome.

Exactly what Crowzone said...

[formerflautist]

I'm astounded by the responses. This girl has been physically abused at school by her parent. It's not a whipping with a stick, he shoved her head into a door. That's sickening. Why should the OP let it go? Because that's what's done here? When is the silence going to stop? We know abuse is a big problem is this country. More people need to have the guts to speak up when it happens.

[VanIslander]

That incident will have cost them a foreign english language teacher, which is hard to find to begin with, but one they otherwise had a good relationship with, will be felt.

Us foreigners can develop a reputation for intolerance toward such violence against children and women in public (in the school no less!). Then at least it will be understood to be an issue, that face-saving efforts will have to INCLUDE the foreigner (at least token efforts to address it).

Bravo! I applaud your reaction and it gives me strength to know I wouldn't be alone if in that situation.

Everyone has to decide for themself where to draw the line between living one's own values and adopting the mores of those around oneself.

[lowpo]

[garykasparov]

Two boys in my class always say, "Grandfather beat baby."

[Wondering]

[horang]

[EH]

From the prospective of a bilingual-bicultural woman, a few comments:

1) Bravo for stopping the fight! You may have prevented a serious injury... for now anyway. I am not joking when I say I really think you're a hero. And I suspect a lot of the other bystanders are secretly thankful that you did what they didn't know how to do.

2) The girl is really at risk. She has an abusive father and is using alcohol and cigarettes already. Statistically, she is pretty likely to end up with more abusive guys in her life and stronger drug use. This may be unavoidable. But do what you can to build her self-esteem. Let her answer (easy if necessary) questions right in class, and show off the skills she has. Offer her after school help (with other students, never one-on-one since you're a guy) to give her a leg up on her work. Send notes home to her dad (in Korean) praising her work and effort whenever possible.
And if you ever have a chance to have a parent-teacher conference with the father, please do so. And however much it pains you you should try to be conciliatory and nice for the girl's sake. Call it acting, if you must. But you will help diffuse his anger at her if you apologize for intervening, commiserate with him about how exasperating children can be, and emphasize how you understand that he would want to punish her. If you manage to get him in a buddy-buddy mood then, it would be great to smile while lightly and jokingly chiding him for taking things to extremes, and suggest a more appropriate punishment (push ups, jumping jacks, standing with books held above the head, taking away phone/TV/MP3 player, etc.)

3) Your letter to the powers that be... I applaud your sentiments but don't know if that particular letter in English will get the results you want. If you really want to report the incident in English, do it more simply. Use simple language and short sentences. It will have much more impact if the readers have a prayer of understanding it. And don't threaten to quit just yet. Save that for letter 2, when they have ignored the first letter.
Maybe something like the following---

Dear XXX,

Please help. I have an urgent question. What is the current policy on serious physical abuse in the schools?

I know that mild hitting is often okay in Korea. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about an adult punching a little girl's face, then holding the little girl's hair and slamming her head into a door. I saw this happen. Korean teachers were screaming. It was very serious and scary.

The other teachers and I need your help. Please explain the law to us, in Korean for them and in English for me. The little girl needs legal protection.

If two men fought like this the police would arrest them. Can the police protect young girls also? What should I do when I see a child's head being bashed in?

Sincerely,