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tselem
Joined: 24 Apr 2006
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 Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 5:16 pm Post subject: The Happiness of Leaving and Korean Culture |
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I'm really excited about the end of my contract soon. I have managed to accomplish all my goals for coming to Korea. I have managed to survive a year in Korea -- much better than I expected. I get to see my family and friends back home soon. And I get to start a new job at a different school when I get back to Korea. I have a lot of things to be excited about. And I have shared this excitement with many of my Korean friends at work. What do I get in return? Complaints from them about me not behaving like a Korean.
One of my Korean friends explained to me the 'Korean way' is to express sorrow about leaving, and that it's rude for me to express my joy about leaving. Okay, I can understand if this is the Korean way. And I can understand if I should simply keep these things to myself. But, this friend went even further. She told me I need to behave more like a Korean with regards to this situation.
Now, we're talking about 3-4 of my Korean friends -- all of whom I work with. So, given this situation, I'm curious what the appropriate action should be. Must I adjust to their customs? Must they accept me as I am? Or, should there be some sort of compromise? (i.e., I refrain from expressing my happiness about leaving to them, but rather show no emotion about leaving.) |
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JZer
Joined: 13 Jan 2005
Location: South Korea
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| Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 5:21 pm Post subject: |
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| Or, should there be some sort of compromise? |
In international relationships (friends/lovers/bosses) there should be compromise? Both people have an interest in the relationship and need to try to make it work. With that said, in regards to one's boss you may have to try to do it the Korean way if you want to keep your job. |
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captain kirk
Joined: 29 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 5:46 pm Post subject: |
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| If you told your co-workers, 'I just won the lottery and have bought you airtickets and time off work so come along' THEN they would be interested. As it is they probably don't want to hear about someone else's multiple orgasm. They suddenly invent this entry/law in the 'Book Of The Korean Way', off the cuff, to gag you with. If that doesn't work they'll spank you with it until you have a Mongolian blue spot. |
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tselem
Joined: 24 Apr 2006
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| Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 5:49 pm Post subject: |
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| JZer wrote: |
| tselem wrote: |
| Or, should there be some sort of compromise? |
In international relationships (friends/lovers/bosses) there should be compromise? Both people have an interest in the relationship and need to try to make it work. |
I agree. So, when should I expect the other side to compromise? It seems to be me doing most of the legwork here under the guise of "you're in Korea."
| JZer wrote: |
| With that said, in regards to one's boss you may have to try to do it the Korean way if you want to keep your job. |
The boss isn't a concern. She understands our happiness to be moving on, and is actually throwing a going away party for those of us foreigners leaving (about 6 of us).
Last edited by tselem on Sat Jul 07, 2007 6:20 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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JZer
Joined: 13 Jan 2005
Location: South Korea
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| Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 6:05 pm Post subject: |
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| It seems to be me doing most of the legwork here under the guise of "you're in Korea." |
Well Koreans seem to always want to pull the when in Rome do as the Romans do. I don't believe in this philosophy and it really does not make sense.
If Koreans wanted things done like in Korea, why would they bother to hire foreigners to work in Korea. |
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VanIslander
Joined: 18 Aug 2003
Location: Geoje, Hadong, Tongyeong,... now in a small coastal island town outside Gyeongsangnamdo!
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| Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 6:31 pm Post subject: |
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Sometimes Koreans seem to have the most fragile of egos
I'm starting to suspect that saving face is just one way of protecting inflated, fragile egos. |
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JZer
Joined: 13 Jan 2005
Location: South Korea
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| Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 6:36 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm starting to suspect that saving face is just one way of protecting inflated, fragile egos. |
Is saving face a purely Asian construct? Did you ever say "saving face" before you came to Korea? |
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captain kirk
Joined: 29 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 6:45 pm Post subject: |
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| JZer wrote: |
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| I'm starting to suspect that saving face is just one way of protecting inflated, fragile egos. |
Is saving face a purely Asian construct? Did you ever say "saving face" before you came to Korea? |
Good point. It's not, of course, just Asian ('saving face'). But the seemingly constant awareness of hierarchy/status level/social standing must equal more luscious and prolonged butt-kissing. You wouldn't want to make your boss back home look stupid. Here there are more people more sensitive about being made to look stupid. Even if they are stupid and it's stupid for them to think anyone cares, the pompous, Confucian bred, pufferfish must be, apparently, given their due (which is all in their imagination). Butt kissing is a national sport.
Last edited by captain kirk on Sat Jul 07, 2007 6:50 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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unknown9398
Joined: 03 Nov 2006
Location: Yeongcheon, S. Korea
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| Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 6:46 pm Post subject: |
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| tselem wrote: |
| I agree. So, when should I expect the other side to compromise? It seems to be me doing most of the legwork here under the guise of "you're in Korea." |
Anytime you're in a foreign country, you can expect to do 99% of the compromising.
| tselem wrote: |
| The boss isn't a concern. She understands our happiness to be moving on, and is actually throwing a going away party for those of us foreigners leaving (about 6 of us). |
Sounds great. Enjoy the party, and have a great trip home. |
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JZer
Joined: 13 Jan 2005
Location: South Korea
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| Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 6:51 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: |
| Good point. It's not, of course, just Asian ('saving face'). |
My real question is would you even use the words "saving face" back in North America or England?
I doubt that I had ever heard this term before spending a month in China in 2004. |
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tselem
Joined: 24 Apr 2006
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| Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 7:02 pm Post subject: |
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| unknown9398 wrote: |
| tselem wrote: |
| I agree. So, when should I expect the other side to compromise? It seems to be me doing most of the legwork here under the guise of "you're in Korea." |
Anytime you're in a foreign country, you can expect to do 99% of the compromising. |
I would agree if we were discussing the society at large. I disagree when we're discussing individual relationships which have developed beyond a surface relationship. |
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unknown9398
Joined: 03 Nov 2006
Location: Yeongcheon, S. Korea
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| Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 7:07 pm Post subject: |
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| tselem wrote: |
| I would agree if we were discussing the society at large. I disagree when we're discussing individual relationships which have developed beyond a surface relationship. |
Friendly relationships aren't exempt. Koreans will still behave like Koreans no matter how well you know them. |
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Rock
Joined: 25 Feb 2005
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| Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 7:37 pm Post subject: |
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| Going home is everyones joy. It sounds to me like they're traditionalists, so take it all with a grain of salt. What's more, if your feelings aren't genuine, why fake it? |
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tselem
Joined: 24 Apr 2006
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| Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 7:37 pm Post subject: |
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| unknown9398 wrote: |
| tselem wrote: |
| I would agree if we were discussing the society at large. I disagree when we're discussing individual relationships which have developed beyond a surface relationship. |
Friendly relationships aren't exempt. |
I disagree, as there is a significant difference between friendships and surface relationships (i.e., those with society at large).
Surface relationships exist within a particular context. These relationships rarely move beyond that context. In the case of my co-workers, these relationships are limited to a specific location within Korea. If we move beyond these boundaries (i.e., I go home.), these relationships cease to function. They are no longer relevant to myself or my co-workers. Given the short span of time these relationships exist, I see adjustment to their ways as reasonable. It makes the relationship easy enough to accomplish the task at hand, and then move on.
Friendships are different. They exist beyond a particular context. They are not limited by one's locale. When I leave my place of employment, my friends will still be my friends. When I go home, my friends will still be my friends. Our relationships do not cease to be relevant, nor do they exist for a short pre-defined set of time. Thus, I feel it's reasonable for the pressure to not be on one individual to adjust, but rather for both to work together to adjust. If the relationship is too one-sided then it will become strained and potentially end. I don't believe this to be the goal of friendship.
Now, I will grant that since we're in Korea I can be expected to adjust more than my Korean friends. However, I think it's unreasonable to expect me to be the only one adjust, or the one who adjusts 99% of the time.
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| Koreans will still behave like Koreans no matter how well you know them. |
Yes, I agree. But, shouldn't there be a reasonable expectation in a friendship for the individual Korean to be willing to adjust in some degree to the foreigner's frame of reference? |
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princess
Joined: 16 Jan 2003
Location: soul of Asia
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| Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 8:49 pm Post subject: |
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| One of my Korean friends who has been working for her company in Seoul for 5 years, finally managed to get 1 month off. She went to Taiwan and then to Canada in that month. She told me she had to lie to her coworkers and tell them she would be studying English while in Canada, or they would get all jealous and petty, and maybe make problems for her, if they knew she was really just going to travel around and have fun. |
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