Korean Job Discussion Forums

[swetepete]

I almost had a kid with my ex, but we didn't. I've thought about that a lot, and wondered if I will, someday, be a dad. Especially, though, I wonder about my motivation for wanting to be one...I figure I'd be a good dad, for sure, and it'd be a good candle under my ass forcing me to being more responsible in general. Plus it'd be cool, as kids are fun to have around. So...does that mean my only reasons for wanting a bigger family are completely, utterly selfish? Is that enough?

Is having kids, so that I (and, obviously, my wife) can feel something neat and spiritual, a good enough reason?

I hope so, cause I do want a family. But...I have to ask...why do I want a family?
It seems like most of the reasons to either have or to not have kids are essentially not about the kid, but about me. Seems...I dunno...narcissistic somehow.

All you moms and dads out there, in any case, I'm glad you did it! Good job. Keep it up. And do, please, tell what led up to it. Circumstance? Planning? Habit? Parental pressure? Instinct? Whoops-a-daisy? Lifelong ambition?

edit:Oops; poll question was supposed to be an option. Can't edit polls goddammit.

[Tiger Beer]

If you feel having a kid or family is all about YOU...then that is a very good thing! Then you visualize yourself in that role and would do a good job at it.

[Demophobe]

[beachbumNC]

i don't see any need for it. i'd rather be able to do whatever i want to do and spend my time and money on myself. there are plenty of people in the world, so i don't feel any need to add more. my dad and grandparents, of course, want me to find a nice girl and make pretty babies for them to play with. pass. my brother and cousins will do that before long anyway.

thing is, every girl i've dated really wants kids someday. even the tough one with tattoos and metal in her nose got all soft and squishy over babies. i've always heard about women that don't want kids, but i've never actually known one...

[fiveeagles]

[whatever]

I'm just trying to bust a nut.

[sojourner1]

Yes, when you have a baby, doing things with your friends goes out the door.

Things like weekend road trips, fishing trips, camping trips, parties, socializing, and most other recreational activities all go out the door, but instead spend most time at home outside of work living the family life. This structure gives many people a sense of security which draws many to go for it, instead of living the free single life. I have known many good friends with the same extracurricular interest as my own whom I enjoyed spending time with, but I lost these friends once their new babies came into the world. Marriage also puts a damper on everything even if no kids are involved, but I suppose there comes a time when a single guy needs to get that one special friend, because all his friends are doing the same thing too. Often, many communities in the US for years have been organizing many socials to get family people and older folks socializing more instead of being home slices. In Korea, far outside of Seoul, I am too much of a home body, but all by myself with really my big problem with living here and if I go to Korea again, it's Seoul living for sure where there is a social life and things for foreigners to do. Seoul has socials of many sorts for everyone, having a baby or not though foreigners married to Koreans like smaller towns like Changwon, Mason, Ulsan, etc.

There is one exception to this rule, when a marriage splits, the kids often spend every other weekend and every other holiday at their dads while the mother and her new husband and friends go party, go float tripping, or just hang out for a good adult social with BBQ. It allowed time for my sister and my best friend, now her husband, to have good times together.

I am not interested in having kids one bit as I would want to own a house, have high income, live near relatives, and most importantly; have the right wife and a nanny to free up some time for other activities such as trips and socials.

[indytrucks]

To say that when you get married and have children, your freedom goes out the door is naive and indicitive of someone who doesn't know what they're talking about. Especially the having kids part. Having a child adds to your life in the beginning. You don't add to to the child's life. Parents who enjoy traveling and having fun are still able to do so, just maybe not as spontaneously as in the past. I love it when people seem to think that having family equates to some kind of social suicide ... it doesn't at all, although priorities change.

My wife and I still enjoy hiking, eating out, traveling and doing all the other sorts of stuff we did before baby, except now, baby comes along. It just takes a little more planning and a few compromises, but we're not all shacked up at home 24/7, waiting until baby becomes a teenager so that we can go out and do things.

[Rapacious Mr. Batstove]

I like kids but only for their delicious stem cells.

[Young FRANKenstein]

Nope. Don't have the money, time, or inclination to do the job of parenting right. I also don't feel like I should have to follow life's little script of school-job-marriage-kids-retirement.

[sojourner1]

No, I don't have kids and do not have direct experience. I agree that lifestyle shouldn't change to the point of ignoring all your friends and not going out to do things anymore. Many of my friends totally changed when the baby came, but you're right, one doesn't need to wait until they are teenagers to continue doing things.

You're an exception Indietruck and I wish many of my friends were like you. I checked out your photo stream. Thanks for posting the great travel pics of all the kool places you have gone.

[twg]

Two words:

Hell

No

Kids are best when they're returned to someone else to put up with.

[indytrucks]

[indytrucks]

[indytrucks]