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Adventurer
Joined: 28 Jan 2006
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 Posted: Tue Jul 31, 2007 7:11 pm Post subject: |
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| just another day wrote: |
| storysinger81 wrote: |
Maybe I'm being overly innocent here, having never been able to do the casual sex thing, but the one thing I can't do for myself is be held. (Yeah, we know the real thing is WAY better than manual stimulation, but the latter will do for handling--forgive the pun--my "needs" most of the time).
Does anyone have an opposite-sex cuddle buddy? That's what I'd want. A guy who will hold you and be held and exchange backrubs without it necessarily getting sexual. |
awww.... 
i've actually been meeting a lot of American women lately who agree with you. |
I would have no problem with that if a woman says she just wants someone to give her lots of affection, rubs, not necessarily sex.
That's all cool. I mean there is no pressure there. She doesn't have expectations that you have to love her or vice versa or be crazy about her, you just need to be willing to give and share and stuff.... That's all good... As far as gyopo saying about good men being hard to find, I am not so sure about that. There are plenty of them. However, there are also plenty of sharks out there with the good guy dolphin types not necessarily being out for the kill like the sharks though they can be aggressive like dolphines when necessary. I become the aggressive dolphin if it's called for it. I am not a great white shark:) I am a cuddly buddy lol... That's so funny....
Hey, a guy is better to cuddle than a stuffed animal:) We have a pulse... haha |
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just another day
Joined: 12 Jul 2007
Location: Living with the Alaskan Inuits!!
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| Posted: Tue Jul 31, 2007 7:24 pm Post subject: |
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| Adventurer wrote: |
| just another day wrote: |
| storysinger81 wrote: |
Maybe I'm being overly innocent here, having never been able to do the casual sex thing, but the one thing I can't do for myself is be held. (Yeah, we know the real thing is WAY better than manual stimulation, but the latter will do for handling--forgive the pun--my "needs" most of the time).
Does anyone have an opposite-sex cuddle buddy? That's what I'd want. A guy who will hold you and be held and exchange backrubs without it necessarily getting sexual. |
awww....
i've actually been meeting a lot of American women lately who agree with you. |
I would have no problem with that if a woman says she just wants someone to give her lots of affection, rubs, not necessarily sex.
That's all cool. I mean there is no pressure there. She doesn't have expectations that you have to love her or vice versa or be crazy about her, you just need to be willing to give and share and stuff.... That's all good... As far as gyopo saying about good men being hard to find, I am not so sure about that. There are plenty of them. However, there are also plenty of sharks out there with the good guy dolphin types not necessarily being out for the kill like the sharks though they can be aggressive like dolphines when necessary. I become the aggressive dolphin if it's called for it. I am not a great white shark:) I am a cuddly buddy lol... That's so funny....
Hey, a guy is better to cuddle than a stuffed animal:) We have a pulse... haha |
yeah honestly, its a refreshing change to meet a girl who isn't all about sex sex sex.
a lot of girls i noticed seemed to have too many emotions attached to their vaginas. its like, if the vagina feels good, then that translates into emotion??? if i pound it good, and leave a lasting feeling, that turns into... she's whooped on me? uh... after a while, it just seems so meaningless and strange... why even talk then? whats the point?  seriously its kind of disillusioning... after a while...
honestly, its a refreshing change to have feelings for someone without sex. far too many relationships substitute sex for emotion, or eventually hoping sex leads to emotion. but what gets weird is when the emotion depends on how good you pound it/stretch it.
i dunno, that just doesn't appeal to me anymore. i'd like a higher sense of purpose please.
Last edited by just another day on Tue Jul 31, 2007 7:27 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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kermo
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Location: Eating eggs, with a comb, out of a shoe.
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| Posted: Tue Jul 31, 2007 7:26 pm Post subject: |
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Weird weird weird.
I think cuddling makes things much more complicated. I can understand a little pre- or post-coital snog, but isn't emotional intimacy what you're trying to avoid when you've got a f*ck-buddy?
My post in the broken hearts thread should make my feelings clear on this one. |
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Big_Bird
Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: Sometimes here sometimes there...
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| Posted: Tue Jul 31, 2007 9:49 pm Post subject: |
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| the_beaver wrote: |
| Big_Bird wrote: |
| Men want this too ultimately. |
My ass.
It's always been a source of amusement/wonder to me that people correlate sex and love. |
Bollocks. As you get older, you'll see.
Sex and love don't necessarily correlate, but most people are hoping they'll eventually find that special someone where they do. Even if they're enjoying great adventures on the way, most people hope life's journey will take them to that special someone. Sex mixed with love is a potent and heady mix. Even for - and perhaps especially for - men. |
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twg
Joined: 02 Nov 2006
Location: Getting some fresh air...
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| Posted: Tue Jul 31, 2007 9:53 pm Post subject: |
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| Adventurer wrote: |
| I would have no problem with that if a woman says she just wants someone to give her lots of affection, rubs, not necessarily sex. |
Some woman wants that, she can get herself a damned cat. I'm not going though all that work without some payment. |
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storysinger81
Joined: 25 Mar 2007
Location: Daegu
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| Posted: Tue Jul 31, 2007 10:21 pm Post subject: |
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Well, I have a cat and she does fine in a pinch for letting me lavish oodles of love and affection upon her, but she can't put her arms around me or give a good backrub in return.
No, really, I think in general the cuddle buddy thing fails because girls are afraid all men are like twg and see cuddling as one of those things to put up with in order to get the goods or what have you. So sometimes women might use sex to get the physical closeness, but for me that's when it would get all confusing. If he's a friend, I already have an emotional connection with him, so non sexual cuddling is just... nice. |
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kermo
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Location: Eating eggs, with a comb, out of a shoe.
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| Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 1:24 am Post subject: |
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| Big_Bird wrote: |
| the_beaver wrote: |
| Big_Bird wrote: |
| Men want this too ultimately. |
My ass.
It's always been a source of amusement/wonder to me that people correlate sex and love. |
Bollocks. As you get older, you'll see.
Sex and love don't necessarily correlate, but most people are hoping they'll eventually find that special someone where they do. Even if they're enjoying great adventures on the way, most people hope life's journey will take them to that special someone. Sex mixed with love is a potent and heady mix. Even for - and perhaps especially for - men. |
I think it's natural to associate sex and love. The act of sex triggers all sorts of chemicals that prompt feelings of attachment and intimacy-- there's no getting around it for most people, at the beginning anyway. However, it's possible to learn to dissociate the two. I'm guessing it takes some trauma, or just practice. I see myself as sort of cauterized in that respect, and my disdain for romance is definitely a learned behaviour. |
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Saxiif
Joined: 15 May 2003
Location: Seongnam
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| Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 5:14 am Post subject: |
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| because girls are afraid all men are like twg and see cuddling as one of those things to put up with in order to get the goods or what have you. |
And they'd be right...
I don't think I could get myself to do fwb, the way my brain is wired if I had sex with someone regularly the mammalian bonding biological mechanisms would kick in too hard no matter what a bad idea a serious relationship would be, I'm like that. |
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smogdonkey
Joined: 19 Dec 2006
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| Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 7:46 am Post subject: |
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Absolutely the easiest way to get over a broken heart: meaningless kinky sex with a non-stranger (re-read: "easiest", not "best").
I find long-term buckfuddies are the most attractive option. It even worked out here in Korea! I am admittedly a bit of a serial dater (no, I don't like Fruit Loops), but after I am taught a new life lesson after getting too attached, or just develop bodily expectations after breaking up with someone with a healthy sexual appetite, I could always call the same mature, well-off, non-needy 27-year-old woman for a nice "dinner and a movie at my place". She'd complain that I always have to have a girl in my life, but she'd never call back, and she'd always answer the phone when I called 3 months later.
It was also a nice way to break up sexual monotony after a breakup without being a barslut or waking up and having to chew my arm off to get away in the morning. For the record, I'm pretty happy in my current situation, and it's been a solid 6 months since the last call. If this one doesn't work out, I hope she doesn't get married any time soon...
BTW, were people talking before about buckfuddies that you weren't attracted to? What's the point of that? |
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the_beaver
Joined: 15 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 1:45 pm Post subject: |
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| Big_Bird wrote: |
Bollocks. As you get older, you'll see.
. . . Sex mixed with love is a potent and heady mix. Even for - and perhaps especially for - men. |
I'm hardly a spring chicken.
Double my ass.
| kermo wrote: |
| I think it's natural to associate sex and love. The act of sex triggers all sorts of chemicals that prompt feelings of attachment and intimacy-- there's no getting around it for most people, at the beginning anyway. However, it's possible to learn to dissociate the two. I'm guessing it takes some trauma, or just practice. I see myself as sort of cauterized in that respect, and my disdain for romance is definitely a learned behaviour. |
I think it's common to associate a the two because of the mass media and dumb-ass love stories. |
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kermo
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Location: Eating eggs, with a comb, out of a shoe.
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| Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 8:44 pm Post subject: |
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| the_beaver wrote: |
| Big_Bird wrote: |
Bollocks. As you get older, you'll see.
. . . Sex mixed with love is a potent and heady mix. Even for - and perhaps especially for - men. |
I'm hardly a spring chicken.
Double my ass.
| kermo wrote: |
| I think it's natural to associate sex and love. The act of sex triggers all sorts of chemicals that prompt feelings of attachment and intimacy-- there's no getting around it for most people, at the beginning anyway. However, it's possible to learn to dissociate the two. I'm guessing it takes some trauma, or just practice. I see myself as sort of cauterized in that respect, and my disdain for romance is definitely a learned behaviour. |
I think it's common to associate a the two because of the mass media and dumb-ass love stories. |
I'm shocked when I hear people talk about "love like in the movies." How can people fall for that tripe? I abhor romantic movies because they're terribly predictable and outrageously unrealistic. Yeah, some people are dopes about that kind of thing, and others are just victims of dopamine (see Helen Fisher's excellent book "Why We Love.") |
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kimchi story
Joined: 23 Nov 2006
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| Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 10:03 pm Post subject: |
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I have never subscribed to the friends with benefits thing. The majority of my friends are women, and many of them I would be happy to wake up next to. With pretty much all of them some element of sexual tension exists (perhaps flirtatious play more accurately describes it). The loss of that tension and that desire has never been worth the lay, imo. Desire is, by nature, an elusive thing and the absence of desire is depression. I find the mystery far more satisfying than the carnal knowledge. A bottle of good shiraz provides in a night what a full week of wooing, bedding and losing gives us.
That said, I am really missing the physical contact and if I weren't outbound in a month I would consider it time for another round of serial monogamy...
...well, wouldja look at that. Right under 'finish the boat' on my to do list is 'drink and dial'... so heads up, Kermo!
(kidd-dding - it would be your turn) |
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twg
Joined: 02 Nov 2006
Location: Getting some fresh air...
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| Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 12:15 am Post subject: |
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| storysinger81 wrote: |
| I think in general the cuddle buddy thing fails because girls are afraid all men are like twg and see cuddling as one of those things to put up with in order to get the goods |
Why would a guy want to run his hands over a woman's body otherwise? The tingling pleasures of blue balls?
| Beaver wrote: |
| kermo wrote: |
| I think it's natural to associate sex and love. |
I think it's common to associate a the two because of the mass media and dumb-ass love stories. |
Pair-bonding is a natural human impulse. The mass media and dumb-ass love stories just capitalize upon it the same way the mass media and dumb-ass action films capitalize on our violent impulses. |
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kermo
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Location: Eating eggs, with a comb, out of a shoe.
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| Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 1:31 am Post subject: |
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| kimchi story wrote: |
I have never subscribed to the friends with benefits thing. The majority of my friends are women, and many of them I would be happy to wake up next to. With pretty much all of them some element of sexual tension exists (perhaps flirtatious play more accurately describes it). The loss of that tension and that desire has never been worth the lay, imo. Desire is, by nature, an elusive thing and the absence of desire is depression. I find the mystery far more satisfying than the carnal knowledge. A bottle of good shiraz provides in a night what a full week of wooing, bedding and losing gives us.
That said, I am really missing the physical contact and if I weren't outbound in a month I would consider it time for another round of serial monogamy...
...well, wouldja look at that. Right under 'finish the boat' on my to do list is 'drink and dial'... so heads up, Kermo!
(kidd-dding - it would be your turn) |
That would be a disappointing endeavour for many reasons, my lad, mainly because I don't currently have a phone. It decided to stay behind in Vancouver, so I'm adrift without it.
My turn to drink and dial? You've never dialled all of my digits, as far as I know. Hmmm. Is it just my mood or is that some kind of kinky euphemism? |
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kimchi story
Joined: 23 Nov 2006
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| Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 2:49 am Post subject: |
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Well, I was speaking kinda figuratively...but incidentally I have an old anycall prepay that I inherited and you can too. A good excuse for lunch, and I can use it to demonstrate exactly how I dial...hyuk - rimshot.
... and with that, let's take it to pm. |
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