Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Alyallen]

I read Dear Abby for reasons that I can't even explain. I came across this question and answer. I figured why not ask English teachers their opinion?


It Ain't Necessarily So
Fri Aug 3, 2:00 AM ET

DEAR MARGO: I'm hoping you can point me in the right direction. I am in my fourth month of a relationship with a man who is "the one." He is sexy, romantic, funny, generous, protective, unselfish and very compassionate. We have so much in common and spend most of our free time together. He has treated me better than any man I've ever been with, and he is a gentleman. I am so in love with him, and already we're talking about moving in together. I have no doubt that what we have is special and rare.
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So what's the problem? Well, it's his grammar. The man's English is atrocious. We live in a fairly affluent suburb of a large city, but he grew up in the country in a small town and must have learned English out in the cornfields.

I'm not just being picky. He frequently uses the word "ain't" and "brung," and he never uses the word "were." He's constantly saying, "Was you going to finish the rest of this?" or "They was going to the store to get ice." This is especially hard on me (an English major in college) because I tutor children in reading and grammar.

I adore this man, but am finding more and more that I'm embarrassed by the way he speaks and am reluctant to bring him around friends and family. I know that's awful. Is there a tactful way to approach this with him? I don't want to hurt his feelings, and I'm wondering if after all of these years he can really change how he speaks.

--- MARIA

DEAR MAR: I empathize with your discomfort. I, myself, would have a hard time listening to this. However . . . you describe a man with so many wonderful qualities that I would encourage you to go to work on his grammar. (And how providential that you are equipped to do this.) It is a touchy subject, granted, but tell him he will be much more comfortable and make a better impression when he is speaking like everyone else in your circle.

I believe that when corrections are offered lovingly, they are gratefully accepted. To undo from a guy of his caliber because he does not use the King's English would be a regrettable mistake.

--- MARGO, OPTIMISTICALLY


So....would you correct the English of a significant other or ignore it? If so, how would you do it?

[browneyedgirl]

If his only problem is grammar then I don't see what the big deal is. Now, if he's spending all his paychecks on hookers and drugs...

[kermo]

I doubt her advice would be gratefully accepted. I think the guy would feel embarrassed and patronised, particularly when he hears she's reluctant to introduce him to family and friends.

Instead of thinking of it as "bad grammar" I'd advise her to think of it as a dialect, and cherish it as such. I love it when I hear differences in pronunciation, vocabulary and grammar. When a British guy pronounces Morrissey's old band as "De Smiffs" or an Irish girl counts "one, two, tree," it's not wrong-- it's awesome. Learn to love "the cornfields."

[jessie-b]

Unfortunately certain dialects are looked down upon in every society. I come from a town north of Boston with a very strong regional dialect. Many of my friends decided to work on getting rid of their accents while still in high school so as not to be perceived as ignorant in the wide world. I went to a communications school in Boston where we had to work even more on deregionalizing our speech (which means sounding like we're from the midwest). The people in the class from Southern States were especially ripped on. The teacher pissed me off so much, making fun of accents, I barely passed the class and argued with him constantly. I'm surprised the woman's boyfriend made it thusfar without thinking to speak differently around people who aren't his kin. Most people do this...speak differently in public than they do around friends and family. Maybe its a classist, racist, culturist practice, but most of us need to do it to earn a living.

[dutchy pink]

I think her advice is a bit shoddy. If someone told me to change the way I do something, anything, I would not be a happy camper. As an aside,
One of my friends was in a similiar situation. The man in question was shot in the head, and for some bizarre reason, when he came out of a coma, many years previous to their relationship, he lost his intrinisic grammar ability. He knew all the vocabulary of a regular 30 year old, but no grammar. He was aware of it, and tried to correct it, but it was slow going.
She was seriously thinking of ending the relationship because of it, but in the end, didn't. But, it was a constant source of frustration for her.

[kermo]

[Adventurer]

Well, I kind of liked a girl who slightly talked like that guy, but only a tiny bit, so I could accept it a bit. She was very country from Kentucky, I believe, but she was so sweet. We never went out. I would have considered it, but I was leaving for Korea. However, the person the woman was having problems with sounds much worse than that girl, so I don't think I would go with him. I prefer someone who doesn't deviate too much from conventional grammar when in good company. Now, if we're drinking and in casual company and she's talking her dialect and we're in a casual area, then fine. I want a female who is well-spoken.
Was Abby's advice bad? The woman should be honest with the man and tell her how he feels, and if he thinks she is shallow for saying that, then he can leave her, but she can't help but find it uncomfortable. It will bother her forever, I would not suggest ignoring it. I know I couldn't unless the errors are minor. I tolerate it to some extent, but this person sounds like he has way too many errors...

[Tony_Balony]

Ya'll miss something bigger, he's likely a major loser and she's attracted to him because she has low self esteem and/or wants to mother him. His poor diction is merely a symptom. the woman should certainly be writing to Abbey, but not about him.

[Fresh Prince]

[Tiger Beer]

[JMO]

Shes a snob. He should find someone else who isn't embarrassed by him.

[Alyallen]

[Adventurer]

[JMO]

[Adventurer]