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| Is it possible to cheat on someone you genuinely love? |
| Yes (male) |
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42% |
[ 17 ] |
| Yes (female) |
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15% |
[ 6 ] |
| No (male) |
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27% |
[ 11 ] |
| No (female) |
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15% |
[ 6 ] |
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| Total Votes : 40 |
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samd
Joined: 03 Jan 2007
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 Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 1:44 am Post subject: Love and Cheating |
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If you really genuinely love somebody, is it possible to cheat on them?
Does it differ between men and women? If you're male, select the option for men. Vice versa for women.
By cheating I mean sleeping with someone else.
Cheers. |
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safeblad
Joined: 17 Jul 2006
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| Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 2:03 am Post subject: |
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i know a korean guy who is married with kids and still plays the field, when asked how is is able to do it by a foreigner he replies
"what the *beep* are you talking about man!? I LOVE MY WIFE"  |
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peppermint
Joined: 13 May 2003
Location: traversing the minefields of caddishness.
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| Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 2:03 am Post subject: |
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| I'm pretty sure there's a rare and painful condition called loving two people at the same time. I've never fallen victim to it, but friends have, and from what I gather, it's awful. It feels bad enough to hurt one person you love, but two! |
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princess
Joined: 16 Jan 2003
Location: soul of Asia
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| Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 3:25 am Post subject: |
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| safeblad wrote: |
i know a korean guy who is married with kids and still plays the field, when asked how is is able to do it by a foreigner he replies
"what the *beep* are you talking about man!? I LOVE MY WIFE" |
I doubt he "genuinely" loves his wife. Not to mention cheating is so engrained into the culture here, as is visiting the dirty girls. |
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princess
Joined: 16 Jan 2003
Location: soul of Asia
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| Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 3:27 am Post subject: |
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| peppermint wrote: |
| I'm pretty sure there's a rare and painful condition called loving two people at the same time. I've never fallen victim to it, but friends have, and from what I gather, it's awful. It feels bad enough to hurt one person you love, but two! |
It's probably not all that rare actually, especially for the guys. Lots of guys like or love 2 girls at once, etc. Like they tell you they have a girlfriend but can't keep their eyes off of you. Just this past weekend I met a guy in a bar with his girlfriend (both Korean) and he wanted to play a game of darts with me. The two of us against another guy and one of the bargirls. He was putting his arms around me, and he kept putting his hand on my bum. I had o keep moving it. He tried to kiss me in the mouth but my reflexes were quick enough to jerk my head back and cover my mouth. I kiised him on the cheek to humor his sorry bum. I asked the girl if he was her boyfriend. She said yes. Wow! What a winner she has for herself. They acted too shy to kiss each other as part of a beeptail show, but hey he sure did want to kiss me. Loser!  The sleaze factor is VERY high here in the land of the morning calm. |
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Grimalkin
Joined: 22 May 2005
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| Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 3:32 am Post subject: |
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| Before I vote I need to clarify. Do you still call it cheating if you've told the person you love exactly what's going on |
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princess
Joined: 16 Jan 2003
Location: soul of Asia
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| Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 4:28 am Post subject: |
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| Grimalkin wrote: |
| Before I vote I need to clarify. Do you still call it cheating if you've told the person you love exactly what's going on |
IMO, yes, it's still cheating. |
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pest2
Joined: 01 Jun 2005
Location: Vancouver, Canada
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| Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 5:10 am Post subject: |
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| Girls can cheat on ppl they love, too... just needs alot of sexual attraction and some booze. |
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pest2
Joined: 01 Jun 2005
Location: Vancouver, Canada
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| Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 5:11 am Post subject: |
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| pest2 wrote: |
| Girls can cheat on ppl they love, too... just needs alot of sexual attraction and some booze. |
Not that I think its a good thing to do. |
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samd
Joined: 03 Jan 2007
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| Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 7:21 am Post subject: |
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| Grimalkin wrote: |
| Before I vote I need to clarify. Do you still call it cheating if you've told the person you love exactly what's going on |
I do, but should I? |
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The Bobster
Joined: 15 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 8:58 am Post subject: |
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Yes, because anyone can make a mistake and it does not change the quality or the intensity of love. Love and sex are not the same, not at all.
When we love another, we refrain from sex with others primarily out of courtesy, because we know there will be pain and we don't want to hurt those we love the most. Courtesy might seem like a trivial thing, but if we can't be even THIS polite to the person we've pledged to hold closest for all time, then what good are we to ourselves or others? Failing that, if we are kind, we make sure the one who was cheated on never discovers the mistake that was made - again, because we want to avoid giving pain unnecessarily to those we hold closest.
Sometimes what looks like hypocrisy and lies is exactly that, but also kindness in disguise, and the better choice - if you make a mistake, keep it to yourself, because you will make no one else happy by sharing the news of your failure. If you tell the SO, that person will likely be thinking, "Damn, I wish I didn't know that. WHY did you say it?" Sometimes the noble impulse towards honesty is nothing more than selfishness - "I want to feel better about the bad stuff I did, and I don't care how you will feel to hear about it, so how about if I spread the pain around?"
(Sometimes it's worse than selfishness, of course : it's bald hostility and malice. "I hurt you and I want you to know it." Hey, this stuff happens. I think the word we're looking for here in such cases is pathology.)
Fortunately, or not, I've reached the age where such deceits are not an important concern for me, just because there are so few women I'd meet that would be interested in a casual fling, and I'm happy enough (actually delirious) with the life I got goin' on I'd not risk it for temporary ego-gratification.
The body and the heart are different things, though. When we're lucky, we can get them to jive in the same groove, and everyone's happier when that's goin' on ... I guess that's the goal we're all striving after, isn't it?
Last edited by The Bobster on Thu Aug 16, 2007 10:11 am; edited 2 times in total |
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demaratus
Joined: 13 Apr 2005
Location: Searching for a heart of gold, and I'm gettin' old
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| Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 9:52 am Post subject: |
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| Anything is possible but I really don't think I could cheat on someone I loved. Cheating to me is betrayal, it would be impossible for me to love someone who cheated on me so I don't think I could do that to someone I really loved. |
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HighTreason
Joined: 15 Jun 2007
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| Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 11:42 am Post subject: |
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I see no reason why it would not be possible to cheat on someone you truly love. What would make one think that it were not possible?? Sex is not love, and if you think it is, you have some serious issues you need to work through. You can have sex with someone you don't love, you can love someone you're not having sex with, and you can even do both at the same time!
As was stated so very well in a previous post, not having sex with other people is a courtesy to the person you love. It's much like taking out the trash, washing the dishes, and buying flowers. Most men buy their wives flowers from time to time. They do it because it makes their wives happy. It would be silly, though, to ask if it would be possible to love a woman and never buy her flowers. Of course it is, but she may not be as happy as if you did... |
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The Bobster
Joined: 15 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 12:52 pm Post subject: |
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| HighTreason wrote: |
I see no reason why it would not be possible to cheat on someone you truly love. What would make one think that it were not possible?? Sex is not love, and if you think it is, you have some serious issues you need to work through. You can have sex with someone you don't love, you can love someone you're not having sex with, and you can even do both at the same time!
As was stated so very well in a previous post, not having sex with other people is a courtesy to the person you love. It's much like taking out the trash, washing the dishes, and buying flowers. Most men buy their wives flowers from time to time. They do it because it makes their wives happy. It would be silly, though, to ask if it would be possible to love a woman and never buy her flowers. Of course it is, but she may not be as happy as if you did... |
Keeping your richard in your pants for the sake of a loved one's feelings is a little more important than taking out the trash. Sorry if I expressed it so poorly that you might wish to equate them.
If someone is unfaithful, it means they made a mistake. That's different from going out in the evening and slipping your wedding ring off your finger to have some intentional dalliance. If there is any chance the lady you love will discover it, or someone else will, then pain will ensue. That's just obvious - it's a mistake, a wrong action to be avoided, becasue of the risk of harm to someone you love. |
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HighTreason
Joined: 15 Jun 2007
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| Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 5:31 pm Post subject: |
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| The Bobster wrote: |
| If there is any chance the lady you love will discover it, or someone else will, then pain will ensue. That's just obvious - it's a mistake, a wrong action to be avoided, becasue of the risk of harm to someone you love. |
Yes, that is true. That's why it's even worse to cheat with her best friend, sister, mother, etc; people who would have a good chance of telling her at some point. It would not be that bad to cheat on her with some Korean girl while your wife is in another country and has no chance of finding out. There is an old saying that "everything is legal if there are no police around." While that saying is flawed in many ways, in this case, it may just be right on the money. |
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