Korean Job Discussion Forums

[safeblad]

[bejarano-korea]

[safeblad]

i've changed my mind

i find you amusing now

[bejarano-korea]

[The Bobster]

I try to always speak only positively, or not at all, about people I have met, wherever. Sometimes I fail, and disappoint myself.

What's your defn of gossip, anyway? I generally define it as talking about people who are not present, and therefore cannot contradict, defend or clarify what you say. Technically, I suppose, that would include speaking only glowingly of others not in the room ... but I try to limit myself to that kind of thing. As I've said, I do sometimes fail, though.

[Big_Bird]

[kermo]

I had a few conversations last night that reminded me of these questions. Someone told me about overhearing an argument between a couple that lives near us, and it was really none of our business, but I'll confess-- I didn't tell her to stop talking. It was interesting stuff about people I'd like to get to know, but it probably wasn't something they'd want us involved in. She also filled me in on the strange behaviour of a friend after I'd left the party, and we posed some possible explanations. Maybe these were questions better directed toward that person, if those incidents could be recalled.

As for me, I speculated about another couple based on something the guy had told me, and it turned out I was quite behind the times-- they've updated their status on Facebook, which is as official as it gets.

Big Bird gave an excellent example of gossip gone terribly wrong. It would have been nice if someone had spoken up and said "We have no idea what the situation is, and besides, it's none of our business. If you want to know what happened, why don't you ask her?"

[Draz]

I worked in a gas station for awhile in university and I read aaaaaall the tabloids. It's been two years and I still miss them, but not enough to pay to read them.

I tried online gossip but it's JUST NOT THE SAME.

I gossip with my mom about people we know all the time. It's a bonding thing.

[jinks]

My rule
RE Gossip

If someone says:
Don't tell anyone I told you this, but...
Or, can you keep a secret?
Or, I promised not to tell anyone this, but...

I will always stop them and say, if I'm not supposed to know, then don't tell me. The beauty of this strategy is that it gives you the moral high ground, but it doesn't stop the other person spilling whatever juice they wanted to share with you.
As far as dishing the dirt goes, I try not to. Some stories are so delicious they are very difficult to keep to yourself, but in a small incestuous environment (like work, or expat community) it can do more harm than good to be indiscreet with other people's indiscretions.

(Different with family though - don't hold back)

[Big_Bird]

[kermo]

[Big_Bird]

My sister, while not fired, was sidelined and mistreated by the bosses over it. At first it was assumed to be my sister's fault, and then it was assumed to be 6 of one and half a dozen of the other. The male bosses assumed it was 2 catty women getting their claws out for each other. In fact it was one very shy introverted young girl being victimised by an older women with mental problems. Only later, much too late for my sister, did colleagues learn that this woman had behaved like this before at her previous employment.

Also, my sister dazed and traumatised by the stalking, verbal attacks, and workplace ostracisation had not been able to properly articulate her predicament to her colleagues. My sister is very clever and excelled academically in maths and science, but never really developed her verbal and written skills until much later, and that coupled with her introverted personality meant she wasn't able to express herself. She just took it all in silence. The older woman socialised very effectively and got people 'on her side.'

My sister became stressed, developed depression and took several years to get over it. She cut off her feelings, and walked around like a robot for a couple of years. She told me that she had always understood there were nasty people in the world. What she hadn't understood was that so many people (older colleagues that she had respected and looked up to) will just ignore another person who is in desperate trouble. I still feel angry when I think of how her bosses treated her. I'd also like to give all the silly cows, who lapped up and joined in the ficticious gossip about her, a piece of my mind. I was out the country during this episode, and had no knowledge of it until much later. If I had been around, I would have caught that nasty witch and given her a good Northern English smacking.

[Draz]